“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Apr 15, 2014
DEAR AMY: My roommates and I have breakfast together on the weekends. Your columns keep us entertained. We play "amateur psychologist" and come up with our own answers before reading yours. Now I have a dilemma to share with you.

A very casual acquaintance of mine, "Patricia," randomly sent me the following message at 2:15 a.m. recently:

"This is completely inappropriate, but what the h--l. I enjoy analyzing and talking about dreams. In my dreams, I have sex with a whole slew of random people."

(Readers, Amy here. I am officially redacting the middle portion of this message. Trust me, it is for your own protection. Earmuffs on the children, please. And now, back to our dream sequence.)

"In my dreams, I've had nocturnal relations with you at least three times in the past year, including last night. We were in an old study on an English estate. It's like a hall pass to do anything without repercussions.

"No, I'm not hitting on you. This strange phenomenon just inspired me to say hi. Life is so enjoyably weird sometimes."

Amy, I am a single man and she is in a long-term relationship with a guy I know. How should I respond? Or should I respond at all? I'm not sure what to think!-- X-Rated Dream Object

DEAR X-RATED: Life is weird. And guess what makes it weird. People.

Your acquaintance starts her message to you by saying, "This is completely inappropriate, but what the h--l." Do you care about the appropriateness of this behavior? I think you do.

She also says she is not hitting on you. Do you believe her? I think you don't.

I find this creepy and stalkerish and agree with your basic bewilderment as you ponder what to do.

Not responding is an option, but she might take that as an invitation to further share her horrifying dream journal. If you don't want this contact, you should respond: "This is definitely not cool, and I don't enjoy or appreciate it." Then you should maintain total radio silence.

DEAR AMY: My fiance and I are 25 and 26 and are discussing our wedding plans.

We have decided that we want to have a courthouse wedding because we don't want to spend thousands of dollars on a big ceremony.

Our families have been extremely vocal about their disapproval. They said we would be robbing them of their experience.

We explained to them that they could still come to the courthouse to witness our union, but that was not good enough. My mom actually started crying.

I do not know what to do. My gut is saying that my fiance and I should continue to do what we feel is the most appropriate thing for us.

Please help me come up with the best compromise and the correct words to address our families.-- Conflicted Bride

DEAR CONFLICTED: I think that on some level everybody lives vicariously through marrying couples. When you announce your intentions it is one of those times when family members feel it is their right -- and their business -- to weigh in on something that is actually very intimate.

You have to be strong enough to risk disappointing your families and resilient enough to realize that everybody will survive this disappointment.

You say, "I realize you are disappointed, but this is how we want to do it. We hope you will be there with us and join us for lunch afterward. It will be a very happy day for us, and we can't wait to share it with you."

DEAR AMY: This is for "Unexpected Widow."

When my young son died, I went to a grief counselor. She told me she was going to help me "get through it." She said, "You will never get over it, but gradually the pain will subside."

Some events will be difficult (birthday, holidays and other memorable family times) but you cannot use a calendar date because change happens gradually.-- Mom With Experience

DEAR MOM: How wise. Thank you.
Pops Malooney

Oak Lawn, IL

#2 Apr 15, 2014
By stating I know this is inappropriate your friend is baiting you. Tell them in no uncertain terms you want no futher contact with them.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#3 Apr 15, 2014
1- I want to hear the rest of that juicy message. Speaking of which, had a strange dream last night. Last thing I saw before going to bed was a Facebook conversation that I was tagged in about my sister and some friends going to see Meatloaf in Vegas. I dreamed Mattie and I were doing beer shots through our nose... at a Meatloaf concert

2- Tell them if they want this big wedding, they can pay for it
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#4 Apr 15, 2014
1: She darn well knows it's inappropriate and no sane person would mention it. She's a weirdo; nip it in the bud now.

2: It's not about them. You're about to be married--the time to grow up and do things your way is NOW.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Apr 15, 2014
Lw1: She's a skank using this dream sharing nonsense to guage your interest.

Lw2: what dog said

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Apr 15, 2014
Pops Malooney wrote:
By stating I know this is inappropriate your friend is baiting you. Tell them in no uncertain terms you want no further contact with them.
Yes. Well put

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Apr 15, 2014
L2. I wonder which part the families are missing, the religious ceremony in a church or the big party?

If it is teh church part and if the LW and fiance can stomach that, then do it to satisfy the parents.

Then o out to lunch with the immediate family and let the parents throw a big reception a couple of weeks later....on their dime.
liner

Bellport, NY

#8 Apr 15, 2014
L2: If mommy buys, mommy decides. If you buy, you decide. There, see how simple it was?

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#9 Apr 15, 2014
L1: What do your roommates and breakfast have to do with anything?

L2: "My gut is saying that my fiance and I should continue to do what we feel is the most appropriate thing for us." Listen to your gut.

However, I also feel that if a parent (or anyone, I guess) offers to pay for a wedding, it still doesn't give them the right to dictate the details. It's a GIFT, not shares of stock.

L3: At the risk of sounding insensitive, this is Captain Obvious territory. And I don't remember the original letter that we're rehashing here.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Apr 15, 2014
LW1: A woman doesnít tell you that sort of thing unless she wants it Ö. bad. Thatís what you take away from her message. Then simply decide if you wanna or not.

And donít listen to Amy. If she were a guy, she would be a 50 year old virgin with her puritan views on sex. There is nothing creepy or stalkerish about it. The girl just has a crush on ya, wantís to have sex with, and she let ya know in an upfront way (which is much much better than beating around the bush and making you wonder).

LW2: Do what you wanna do.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#11 Apr 15, 2014
LW1- uh oh, Tonka wrote in about the text I sent him...

LW2- if you are old enough to get married, then you are old enough to own your decisions. Every decision has consequences. You have to decide what is more important, having things your way or having your family there. Neither decision is wrong, but both will have long-term impacts on you (either financial or emotional).

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Apr 15, 2014
LW1: Amy is over-thinking this. It's a fricking dream not some weird stalker-ish come-on. I would reply with something like "I'm flattered that your subconscious thinks I'm so hot." and leave it at that.

LW2: Piss everybody off and elope.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#13 Apr 15, 2014
1 i'd tap that.

2 It's your day so do as you want, just dont ask for cash cause you did not have them pay for a wedding.
blunt advice

Irvington, NJ

#14 Apr 15, 2014
1. Eww. Everyone has wacky thoughts whether asleep or awake. But the normal people don't act on them or talk about them.
2. If Mom Zilla wants an extravagant affair to impress her friends and relatives let her plan it so long as she pays for all involved in said Broadway production.
3. Nothing to add. Losing a child has to be more horrible than anything.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#15 Apr 15, 2014
squishymama wrote:
LW2: Piss everybody off and elope.
That would be a pretty d*ck move on their part, she's asking for a compromise

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#16 Apr 15, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
That would be a pretty d*ck move on their part, she's asking for a compromise
No move of a d!ck move than her mother emotionally blackmailing her into having the wedding that the mother wants.

And even though the LW uses the word compromise, what I think she really wants is to have the families agree with them without drama. She even says she wants Amy to give her the right words to say to make all the ugliness go away.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#17 Apr 15, 2014
Too bad the horse already left the barn for LW2--and she and her fiancť made the mistake of telling their families those plans.

Glance into the future:

After they had married at the courthouse,
(a) LW1's mother threw a "guilt trip" party of gifts and went on and on about how instead of the party they could have had a big, fun wedding
like (someone LW1's mother wanted to impress).
(b) Their real friends were happy for them and treated them to a
hamburger each.
(c) A relative on a tighter budget privately thanked them for not denting
his/her wallet with something more expensive and making him/her take time off from work; then bought them a nice present.
or
(d) other

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#18 Apr 15, 2014
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
No move of a d!ck move than her mother emotionally blackmailing her into having the wedding that the mother wants.
And even though the LW uses the word compromise, what I think she really wants is to have the families agree with them without drama. She even says she wants Amy to give her the right words to say to make all the ugliness go away.
Going from one extreme to another isn't a compromise. Intentionally pzzing off their parents isn't the best way to start their marriage, I would think

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