A sk A my 11-17

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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#1
Nov 17, 2012
 
DEAR AMY: My husband and I are in our mid-20s and are successful professionals. We've enjoyed a happy marriage for the past three years, but we have spent much of that time apart due to my husband's hectic travel with his job. In addition, at just 25, I am burned out with my own career and want to do something different.

We have saved a large sum of money and want to take a year off to travel and do some volunteering. We love to travel and would like to spend some uninterrupted time together. We will announce our plans to our families over the holidays and leave for our trip in the summer.

I know my parents are going to hate this idea, and I'm worried they will cut me out of their lives. My parents think we should continue with our draining (yet well-paying) jobs and have children.

How can I convince my parents to be at peace with our decision?

Wanderlust

DEAR WANDERLUST: Adulthood is awesome. You don't have to worry about making your curfew. and you don't have to convince your mom and dad that you know what you're doing, unless you're asking them for money.

Enter this conversation realizing that it will be tough for your folks to climb onboard the Awesome Express. You can respectfully say to them, "I know you love and care about me, but this feels right. I hope you'll come to respect our choice, even if you don't

agree with it."

DEAR AMY: I am a 65-year-old widower. My girlfriend cannot stand the fact that I help my family and friends with little services and money. She thinks they are taking advantage of me, but my late wife and I have always been very generous helping friends and family.

My girlfriend gets so angry about these "moochers" that it is affecting our relationship. She says she cannot see our relationship continuing under these circumstances and that she eventually will leave me.

I want to save this relationship, but I find her demands unreasonable since all of the expenses are from my estate. I have suggested counseling, and she has agreed.

What are your suggestions?

Overgenerous

DEAR OVER- GENEROUS: Counseling is a great idea. Your girlfriend cannot enter your life and demand that you must change the way you conduct it. On the other hand, if you are actually surrounded by "moochers," having this person's perspective might help you to see a dynamic that is not healthy for you. If you have friends and family members who mooch off you when they could or should provide for themselves, then your support and cash infusions will create a dependency. The fact that you and your late wife conducted yourselves a certain way doesn't mean that you should be locked in to behaving this way forever. Don't let your girlfriend's ultimatums control you, but be open to her point of view.

If you conclude that you don't want to change, then bid her goodbye.

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

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#2
Nov 17, 2012
 
L1: I'm so jealous! Take me with you!

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#3
Nov 17, 2012
 
1- So you're gonna quit your well paying jobs and travel the world.

Then what?

When you get back you'll be out of money and have no job. You should probably think through this a little more thoroughly.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#4
Nov 17, 2012
 
edogxxx wrote:
1- So you're gonna quit your well paying jobs and travel the world.
Then what?
When you get back you'll be out of money and have no job. You should probably think through this a little more thoroughly.
I am in JamWow's camp.
They are young. They have no obligations. If not now, when?

FWIW I had a couple friends who did this in the 70's and things turned out okay. One guy who likes to sail captained charter boats in the Caribbean for a couple years then came home and went to law school. Its all good

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

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#5
Nov 17, 2012
 
Yeah. At the risk of sounding like a trite teenybopper, YOLO.

And traveling the world on a nest egg isn't irresponsible. If someone has the financial wherewithall to be able to do it in the first place, they'll be fine.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#6
Nov 17, 2012
 
I wonder what my friend who traveled the world and got engaged and now she and her fiance are unemployed and living with her grandma would say?

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

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#7
Nov 17, 2012
 
edogxxx wrote:
I wonder what my friend who traveled the world and got engaged and now she and her fiance are unemployed and living with her grandma would say?
Probably something different from what my friend who has been traveling the world for years, getting jobs in different countries, saving money and taking time off when she wants to, would say.

I'm not saying EVERYONE should blow off their jobs. Some people have the means, some don't. And some people have luck on their side and some don't. But you never know until you try.
pde

Gilberts, IL

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#8
Nov 17, 2012
 
edogxxx wrote:
I wonder what my friend who traveled the world and got engaged and now she and her fiance are unemployed and living with her grandma would say?
Or, what they are going to say ten years from now, which likely depends on whether they overcome where they are now or not.

I missed out on traveling due to a job (in my twenties), a job which paid decently at the time but eventually laid me off and has acted more as a hindrance than help, career-wise. If I could talk back in time to my 20-something self, I would say "screw the job" and go traveling. The limited traveling I did then and have done since has been much more of a positive life experience than any job.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

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#9
Nov 17, 2012
 
LW1's husband may be able to take a leave of absence from his job and LW is going to switch careers. I say go for it. This is from the perspective of one of the "lucky" people who has always been able to find a job. My friend, who is unemployed and broke, moved to Hawaii two weeks ago. I must be doing something wrong..
stina 1

Pinellas Park, FL

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#10
Nov 17, 2012
 
A friend of mine and I both disliked where we lived and traveled some, but not enough, in our 20's. Neither of were thrilled where we live (and still live) so itsaved our sanity. We had dinner about a year and a half ago and talked about how we used to go places before marriages and kids, and how we wished we weren't stuck here.

Next thing I know, she e-mails me a picutre of a beautiful place and asks "on your bucket list"? I said ,YES!" and we decided to do an annual "girls trip" without kids or anything.

My point is, we traveled in our 20's beofre kids. We are now in our 40s and it's a whole lot harder.

Go for it and expand yourself while you can!!!

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#11
Nov 18, 2012
 
L1: You could use the travel as a help to the rest of your career by what you do on your travels, who you meet and where you go. If you just lay at resorts, not learn anything and screw off your going to end up unemployed at the end of it. If you meet the right people, you could end up with international contacts. I wonder at 25 if they realize this.

L2: Good advice.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#12
Nov 18, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
L1: You could use the travel as a help to the rest of your career by what you do on your travels, who you meet and where you go. If you just lay at resorts, not learn anything and screw off your going to end up unemployed at the end of it. If you meet the right people, you could end up with international contacts. I wonder at 25 if they realize this.
L2: Good advice.
If you are 25 and roaming around how do you meet the right people, or even know that they are now or will be right?

It didn't sound like LW contemplated a perpetual round of industry conferences held in Singapore Mumbai and Dubai.

Sorry, this sounds like telling someone to take their oddly behaved relative to a doctor to make sure their is nothing medically wrong

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#13
Nov 18, 2012
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
If you are 25 and roaming around how do you meet the right people, or even know that they are now or will be right?
It didn't sound like LW contemplated a perpetual round of industry conferences held in Singapore Mumbai and Dubai.
Sorry, this sounds like telling someone to take their oddly behaved relative to a doctor to make sure their is nothing medically wrong
Depends what business you are in. I know people who have traveled and made good friends with people they still have ties to that they ended up helping each other. There are a lot of things between sitting in conferences and visiting only resorts. Doing more local things and living "their" life in France, Germany, Greece, etc. would give you everyday knowledge with the people and place. I'm not going to spell it out here, I think you could think of a few things that would be fun yet help with the future as well besides conferences.

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

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#14
Nov 18, 2012
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Depends what business you are in. I know people who have traveled and made good friends with people they still have ties to that they ended up helping each other. There are a lot of things between sitting in conferences and visiting only resorts. Doing more local things and living "their" life in France, Germany, Greece, etc. would give you everyday knowledge with the people and place. I'm not going to spell it out here, I think you could think of a few things that would be fun yet help with the future as well besides conferences.
Definitely. I agree. It's the difference between treating traveling like a vacation vs. your life. Immersing oneself in the local culture is huge.
liner

Bellport, NY

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#15
Nov 18, 2012
 
How do you get "burned out" at 25? Boy, are they going to have a looooooooonnnngggg life.

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