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1 - 16 of 16 Comments Last updated Mar 5, 2014

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Mar 4, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of a beautiful 2-year-old daughter. I have always pictured myself as a mom of four little princesses. When I fantasized about having children, I imagined fairy tales, ballet, cheerleading, dress-up, tea parties -- all girl things.

Now I'm expecting a little boy and I feel heartbroken. When I learned my first was a girl, I couldn't wait to meet her. I bought her everything pink and frilly. Here I am eight weeks from my due date, and I have yet to buy this baby a single thing. When I look at baby boy items, I become severely depressed.

I'm no longer with the baby's father. He and his family are very excited about the baby, as he will be the only male grandchild for this generation. The truth is, the more I think about it, the more I am pulled in the direction of signing over my parental rights to my ex. At least he really wants him, whereas I don't.

I know this sounds terrible and selfish. I feel like a monster, but I can't help it. My family is totally against it. My dad says I shouldn't even allow my ex to visit our son in the hospital after he's born. No one will listen to how I feel. They keep saying my feelings will change after the baby is born, but I doubt it. I just need some guidance.-- UNDESERVING TITLE OF MOMMY

DEAR MOMMY: I don't think you are a monster. I do think you are not thinking objectively right now. Let me point out that life doesn't always go the way we fantasize. Because you imagined that you'd be the mother of four little princesses doesn't guarantee that you will be.

I see no need to rush into signing any papers right now, regardless of how eager your boyfriend and his parents are about the baby. There will be time for that later, if you still want to. For now, ask your parents to help you select some baby boy outfits, and tell your doctor about all of your feelings because they may be hormonal.

You might benefit from some professional counseling right now -- more than I can offer you -- and I urge you to get it before doing anything you might later regret.

DEAR ABBY: I received a restaurant gift card from some friends. When I presented it at a restaurant, it was refused as "never having been activated through purchase."

I called my friends to let them know, thinking it was a mistake on the part of the restaurant at the time it was purchased. They said they would come by and pick up the card. I have heard nothing from them since, and I haven't written a thank-you note or made any further attempt to contact them.

Was I right in calling them? Do I now ignore the whole thing?-- GIFT CARD DENIED

DEAR G.C.D.: You did nothing wrong in calling your friends to tell them what happened. They may not have picked it up because they were embarrassed, or because they really never intended to activate it. I don't think it's necessarily worth ending a relationship over -- if you want to continue a friendship with people whose credibility you question.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Mar 4, 2014
1- You ARE a monster. Sure hope this letter is fake. You break up with your boyfriend a couple months after getting knocked up? That's your first problem. Do society and your son a favor, sign over your parental rights and get sterilized

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Mar 4, 2014
1 Wow, 16 and preggers! You dont always get what you want. Sometimes instead of a Barbie, you get a GI Joe. Deal, or better yet, yeah, sign over the kid.

2 Your friends are laughing their asses off, return the favor. Since they will be too afraid of using the card, you really wont have to spend your money activating it.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Mar 4, 2014
You can give custody to the father without giving up your rights but then LW would owe child support.

I am actually equally wrried about what happens if the daughter does not match the LW's fantasies

2. Your friends shoplifted the card and were too stupid to know that you have to pay for it to activate it

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Mar 4, 2014
LW1: You need to talk to an uninvolved third party about this. And don't do anything hasty because you, in fact, might change your mind once you meet the little guy.

I do have to say that your attitude is better than my bad step-sister, who insisted that she was having a girl and when asked "well, what if it's a boy?" would shout at them "then I'll MAKE it a girl!" Thank FSM it was a girl.

LW2: I can see no reason to continue this friendship.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Mar 4, 2014
LW1: Abby’s advice is good, and please stop breeding.

LW2: It's possible your friends are dishonest, but I suppose it's also possible that the cashier didn't activate it properly at the time they bought it.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#7 Mar 4, 2014
L1: Stop getting knocked up!

L2: Yes and yes.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#8 Mar 4, 2014
1: Hormones do weird things during and after pregnancy. I'd heard of post natal depression but I never had that. Instead, with each of my 4 pregnancies, I wanted to kill myself during the third trimester. It was the fact that I'd also hurt my babies that stopped me. I wanted to be dead, not because I felt fat and ugly or whatever but simply because I was so deeply depressed. I didn't understand it and my obstetricians were no help whatsoever. As soon as the babies were born, I was fine. It was like flicking a switch. I desperately wanted a daughter with my second pregnancy. No way did I want a boy. But I had a boy. The lady who shared my room had a girl and SHE wanted to trade. No way was anyone going to take my baby boy from me. He was mine. The lw could react the same way.

2: I didn't initially understand what this gift card was and why it couldn't be used. I have to assume it was like those gift cards and phone cards that are right there in the open for anyone to take in various stores. They don't work unless they've been activated by being paid for at the register. You could grab a handful of the things and they'd be worthless. I would not be happy with someone who gave me one they just picked up and didn't pay for. Imagine getting a gift card to some store or restaurant and decided to use it for something you wouldn't ordinarily spend your money on. So you eat a meal thinking the gift card was going to pay for it. Then you present your card and find out you're out however much money because your "friends" didn't actually buy it. It's almost as though they stole from you because you are out money you would not otherwise have spent. I'd drop them unless they paid up. No, maybe I'd drop them anyway. It depends on their explanation - and it better be good.
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#9 Mar 4, 2014
Does LW1 have any idea how many people would be grateful just to have a little boy to raise and treasure?

LW2 may as well we forgive the givers and move on. This experience is not worth stewing over.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Mar 4, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: Abby’s advice is good, and please stop breeding.
LW2: It's possible your friends are dishonest, but I suppose it's also possible that the cashier didn't activate it properly at the time they bought it.
I would not want to jump to any conclusions, but my experience with gift cards as both giver and reciever is that you always include the rct with the card. Any time I've bought one, they automatically print out my rct and another with the gift amount. Is this not typical in most scenarios?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 Mar 4, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I would not want to jump to any conclusions, but my experience with gift cards as both giver and reciever is that you always include the rct with the card. Any time I've bought one, they automatically print out my rct and another with the gift amount. Is this not typical in most scenarios?
I honestly don't know. My wife takes care of such things.
pde

Bothell, WA

#12 Mar 4, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I would not want to jump to any conclusions, but my experience with gift cards as both giver and reciever is that you always include the rct with the card. Any time I've bought one, they automatically print out my rct and another with the gift amount. Is this not typical in most scenarios?
I've never received the receipt with a gift card.

I once experienced the problem of gift cards I'd been given not "ringing up" but they were for a restaurant and we were trying to use $40 of gift cards as part of payment on a $500 bill (large party of people, several bottles of wine). In the end, the waiter/his manager knocked two ~$18 entrees off the bill instead, so it worked out.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#13 Mar 4, 2014
LW1: Going forward, I think you should seriously consider USING BIRTH CONTROL so that you don't find yourself in this situation again. I agree with Abby about getting counseling and with Pippa about the impact of hormones and maternal bonding. I think you will love your son after he is born, and I think it's awesome that your ex and his parents are excited and planning to be a part of your son's life.

LW2: It's possible that the card was bought along with other items and the salesclerk neglected to activate it. It's also possible that the salesclerk did not properly activate the card. And it's possible that your friends got it at the five-finger discount. How they behave going forward will give you a clue as to which is the case.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#14 Mar 4, 2014
pde wrote:
I've never received the receipt with a gift card.
Me neither. I've been GIVEN a receipt when I purchase one, but it usually ends up in the trash

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#15 Mar 4, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
LW2: It's possible that the card was bought along with other items and the salesclerk neglected to activate it. It's also possible that the salesclerk did not properly activate the card. And it's possible that your friends got it at the five-finger discount. How they behave going forward will give you a clue as to which is the case.
I agree with all of this but can't understand why her "friends" would give her a card they knew was bogus. Did they think she'd never figure it out? If it IS a mistake by the salesclerk, the reason the friends haven't picked up the card yet may be because it's not very high on their priority list and they just haven't gotten around to it yet. I'm curious to know how much time has passed, and how often she sees these friends?
Julie

Chicago, IL

#16 Mar 5, 2014
LW1: You're a textbook narcissist (it's *ALL* about you).
God help your poor kids, no matter what gender they are. Please get yourself sterilized immediately.

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