“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Feb 7, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating someone for about six months. We fell in love very quickly and spend almost every second together.

Our relationship has hit a rough patch ever since he found out that I have dated African-American men. He can't seem to get over it, but he keeps saying he wants to try to make it work. He says cruel things sometimes when he gets mad, and it seems to be on his mind constantly. I don't know what to do or how to make this better. We fell in love, but it seems to be spoiled because of my past.

This isn't a big deal to me. I have always dated people I thought were good people. He seems to view it as disgusting. I thought he was my soul mate because we connected so well on everything else, but I'm afraid he will never get past this issue and I may be wasting my time. What should I do?-- ROCKY ROAD IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ROCKY ROAD: Give him a hug and let him go. You are the sum total of your experiences and your upbringing, and the same is true of your boyfriend. He comes from a background of racial prejudice. When a person is raised that way, the mindset can be very difficult to change.

As much as you might want to, you can't fix this man; only he can do that. And from your description of him, I don't think he's capable of that kind of growth.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to you in the hope that you will share something with your readers. When I travel, I stay in hotels and it never ceases to amaze me how inconsiderate my fellow travelers can be. Late at night, the drunken party animals carry on, often until the sun rises. Then families with small children invade the halls, and the kids race up and down the halls screaming.

Behind every one of those closed hallway doors there may be a person who is trying to sleep. Fellow travelers, please be considerate! Walk softly and talk quietly in the halls.

And parents, please teach your children manners. This includes not playing noisily where people are trying to sleep.-- SLEEPLESS NEAR SEATTLE

DEAR SLEEPLESS: I have experienced the same difficulties that you have while traveling. Here's how I deal with it: I pick up the phone and notify the front desk or security if there are rowdy drunks keeping me awake after 10 p.m.-- and the same goes for neighbors who have the volume on their television sets turned up so high I can't sleep. If the problem persists, I ask to be moved to a quieter room.

As for the screaming children chasing each other in the hallways -- I have been known to poke my sleepy head out the door and ask them to please quiet down. Maybe I have just been lucky, but they usually do.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to my high school sweetheart, "Linda," for 37 years. I am a widower now, going into a new relationship. "Susan" and I are going slow, but we may end up living together in my home.

How do I integrate pictures of Linda with Susan being there? I have one of Linda and the kids, one of the two of us, and a painting of Linda and me together. Eventually I will want one with me and Susan.

How do I make this work? This is all new to me and I don't want to screw this up.-- LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE

DEAR L.S.T.: I am a great believer in verbal communication. Like many other things in relationships, this should be discussed and negotiated. Talk to Susan about it and see if she would be comfortable living in your home with these pictures on display. If you plan to combine households, Susan may have some photos of her own she would like to display.

Many women wouldn't object to a picture of you and your late wife. However, the portrait might be a bit much. Perhaps one of your children would like to have it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Feb 7, 2014
1- I thought once you went black...

2- Ear plugs

3- I was impressed when Abby suggested you use your words, but she lost me again when she decided who should have the portrait

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Feb 7, 2014
1. You are not dating the male version of Nellie Forbush and he is ot going to do Honeybun in drag.( reference South Pacific)
2. Abby plus Edog, although a sleepy grouchy unshaved Edog sticking his head out of a hotel room door would probably traumatize the kids for life.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 Feb 7, 2014
1 Just lie and say that his Pr**k is the biggest you ever had.

2 Dont tell me to pipe down, I'm not as think you drunk I am!

3 Put the portrait in your man cave. Problem solved

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Feb 7, 2014
L1: He's a racist you're not. That's a big issue. DTMF.

L2: What Abby said, although I'm usually an early riser so the morning stuff wouldn't bother me.

L3: Don't get ahead of yourself. You said you're taking it slow. Take it slow. A few pictures of someone you had 37 years with I wouldn't think would bother many people. Get your picture taken with her and then integrate it into your house. Then ask her what she thinks and get the whole talk about pictures going.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#6 Feb 7, 2014
PEllen wrote:
2. Abby plus Edog, although a sleepy grouchy unshaved Edog sticking his head out of a hotel room door would probably traumatize the kids for life.
You know, it's never been a problem. If anything, I and my friends were the roudy ones. Many a time we've had management and even police show up at our room. Even been asked to leave. You just can't call it a good time unless you get thrown out of somewhere.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Feb 7, 2014
LW1: Leave. Not sure how you can date a racist. It seems so unintelligent and such a turn off.

LW2: Not much you can do about it, except complain in the case of late night drunks. Complaining that kids are loud in the hallway isn't likely going to do anything.

That’s why I like to sleep with background noise. I can sleep without it, but I like to sleep with the tv on.

LW3: How about you talk to Susan about it … see what she thinks … see what she is comfortable with.

I’m also not sure why any woman or man would have a problem with their SO hanging a couple of portraits and a painting of a spouse who passed. That seems like a far cry from making a shrine to her.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#8 Feb 7, 2014
LW2 - I travel a decent amount and have rarely had this problem. What kind of places do you stay in?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#9 Feb 7, 2014
LW1: This is not the droid you're looking for.

I'm surprised he's still sleeping with you, since you've been, yanno, contaminated.

LW2: I bet you're just a big pot of boiling passive-aggresive rage, aren'tcha?

LW3: Worrying about pictures on the wall is not taking it slow. You never know, it may turn out that she's dated a black man...
Blunt Advice

Suffern, NY

#10 Feb 7, 2014
1. Find a nice yankee boy. And don't get so serious so fast.
2. You are to sensitive to sounds. Most people could sleep thru an earthquake.
3. Keep the pictures. New gf knows you had a life before her.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#11 Feb 7, 2014
LW1: Red flag #1 is that you "fell in love rather quickly. Red flag #2 is that you spend "nearly every second together" (not healthy, IMHO.) The third red flag, obviously, is that he can't seem to get over something in *your* past; the fact that you dated African-American men. I say dump this redneck ASAP. DTRA?

LW2: Team edog. Earplugs. I keep them in my travel bag at all times. Hotels are noisy, my house is quiet.

LW3: The trick is to find the right place for the picture. Team squishymama for the laughs.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#12 Feb 7, 2014
1: A lot of good people might feel the same way. It's his truth and I won't flame him for being honest. Yes, break up. And you can date a black person and still be racist. That generalization is gross. And most people hev prejudices; they usually don't turn to racism.

I'm more concerned about things heating up fast and spending every second together. That is not cool.

2: One of my biggest travel pet peeves. Why do all hotel doors slam loudly? And don't the dirtbags hear it slam? I hold mine carefully since I know it's loud and hate it. I am considerate like that.
I never travel without earplugs, but still....people are idiots.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#13 Feb 7, 2014
cheluzal wrote:
I'm more concerned about things heating up fast and spending every second together. That is not cool.
Zactly. Everyone's concerned about this dude being a racist.

No one's concerned about this girl dating a dude for six months and falling in love "very quickly, and spending almost every second together." Does she date people because they are "good people" or because she is needy?
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#14 Feb 8, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Zactly. Everyone's concerned about this dude being a racist.
No one's concerned about this girl dating a dude for six months and falling in love "very quickly, and spending almost every second together." Does she date people because they are "good people" or because she is needy?
To be fair, I used to be like that and only grew up to know it wasn't the healthiest, so maybe that's her deal.
I thought if you liked someone, why not spend your time with them? That's me--and I could still do that. But I've learned space is healthy and necessary and I crave it a bit more and am willing to give more.

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