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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Apr 4, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We recently spent a romantic night at a hotel, complete with dinner, drinks -- the whole shebang -- that he organized.

I know he was a little stressed about money because he mentioned it. He asked if I could shell out some money, which I did, and when the bill came, he asked me if I could shell out some more.

I was a little upset because I wasn't planning on spending that much. He says he is going to pay me back some of it, and now I just feel bad. I told him I didn't enjoy being put in that situation and things got awkward quickly.

Now I am the one apologizing, and I feel like I ruined our night. Am I being a brat?-- NEW YORK READER

DEAR N.Y. READER: I don't think so. If your boyfriend couldn't afford to pay for the romantic evening, he should have discussed it with you beforehand so you wouldn't be put on the spot.

DEAR ABBY: I work at an elementary school, and I help out during lunch, keeping order and making sure the kids are not too loud. Two of their moms work here. The kids are bullies and have no respect for adults whatsoever.

When I try to discipline them or give them a time out, they go to their moms and accuse me of targeting them because they are black. Then the moms come to me and complain and ask me why I'm "targeting" them.

This is causing me a lot of stress. I can't allow them to bully other kids, but at the same time I don't want trouble with the parents. How can I approach this situation without it getting more complicated?-- SCHOOLYARD MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCHOOLYARD MOM: Because these women are preventing you from effectively supervising the children, which is your job, you should address this problem with the principal of the school.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law watches my four kids so I can work outside the home. On the off chance that she can't, she tells me my brother-in-law will watch them. While I appreciate her gesture of trying to "cover her shift," my brother-in-law is irresponsible, suffers from severe depression and smokes pot.

I don't want to be rude, but I don't like her leaving my kids with him. Is there an OK way to tell her that, or do I need to stop being "overprotective" and suck it up?-- MOMMY OF FOUR

DEAR MOMMY: It would not be rude to tell your mother-in-law that while you appreciate her watching your children, if for any reason she cannot do it, you would prefer to make your own arrangements for who will supervise them. If she asks you why, then be frank with her about your concerns -- all of which are valid. That is not being overprotective; it is being conscientious.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Apr 4, 2014
1 Next time go camping.

2 abby is right, tell you're boss. And quit picking on the blacks, amazing how the race card has to be played, even in elementary school.

3 Well, at least your kids learn what they dont want to be when they grow up.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#3 Apr 4, 2014
3- Stop helicoptering, your little brats are gonna be fine

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Apr 4, 2014
Lw1: He's a dumbass.
Lw2: Talk to your boss
Lw3: What does your husband say? If he agrees, let him deal with his mother. If he dies not, then you have another issue to deal with.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Apr 4, 2014
L1: So he likes to live above his means with other people's money. Watch that flag.

L2: Go to your boss and ask for direction on how to handle.

L3: Four kids? Anyways, I agree with Tonka. Talk to hubby. Stand your ground, too. You are the one responsible for those kids.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Apr 4, 2014
Toj wrote:
L1: So he likes to live above his means with other people's money. Watch that flag.
L2: Go to your boss and ask for direction on how to handle.
L3: Four kids? Anyways, I agree with Tonka. Talk to hubby. Stand your ground, too. You are the one responsible for those kids.
I never understand people who come to amby before their spouse in seeking help dealing with in-laws.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Apr 4, 2014
LW1: If your bf couldn’t afford the occasion, he should have planned a “half shebang” instead of a whole one or he should have talked to you up front about contributing. That is not cool. As a guy, it’s often times your job to take your girl away from her worries and get her to just chill, not add to her anxiety and worry.

So, I think you were right to be upset, but it’s still just something you should be able to talk about without it ruining your night. Let the small things go.

You both need to just work on relaxing and enjoying the moment. You are still going to have to pay the bill, regardless of whether you let worrying about it and arguing about it ruin your night. Now you have a big bill and a shyte night, instead of a big bill and a great night with good memories.

LW2: What Abby Said.

LW3: Go find your own childcare when she isn’t available. She doesn’t owe it to you to watch your kids or owe it to you to find a replacement when she can't do it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#8 Apr 4, 2014
Toj wrote:
L3: Four kids?
My mother had four kids. You got a problem with that?

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#9 Apr 4, 2014
1. Another relationship that will never work. The two of them can't even talk about finances to the point where the LW has to write to Abby instead of talking to her S.O.

2. You should have talked to the principal about this issue right away. That's why he's paid the big bucks.

3. Why did you have kids if you couldn't afford childcare. Bah! More irresponsible breeders.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#10 Apr 4, 2014
Toj wrote:
L1: So he likes to live above his means with other people's money. Watch that flag.
L2: Go to your boss and ask for direction on how to handle.
L3: Four kids? Anyways, I agree with Tonka. Talk to hubby. Stand your ground, too. You are the one responsible for those kids.
I agree on all 3

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Apr 4, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
My mother had four kids. You got a problem with that?
As long as they aren't mine I don't. If you have four kids, though, you should already have a few babysitters in the wings. A grandmother watching 4 kids is a lot to ask.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Apr 4, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
3. Why did you have kids if you couldn't afford childcare. Bah! More irresponsible breeders.
There's no way to know whether or not she could afford childcare since the letter doesn't mention that. Some people do not like to leave their kids with anyone who isn't family or a very close friend.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 Apr 4, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
1. Another relationship that will never work. The two of them can't even talk about finances to the point where the LW has to write to Abby instead of talking to her S.O.
2. You should have talked to the principal about this issue right away. That's why he's paid the big bucks.
3. Why did you have kids if you couldn't afford childcare. Bah! More irresponsible breeders.
Do you have children? How old are they? Did you work whe they were little?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#14 Apr 4, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
As long as they aren't mine I don't. If you have four kids, though, you should already have a few babysitters in the wings. A grandmother watching 4 kids is a lot to ask.
She doesn't have money for a babysitter, she's got four dam kids

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Apr 4, 2014
LW1: He put you on the spot and then makes you feel guilty about getting upset. Nice. Marry him right away!

LW2: I'm glad to hear that you're only working with the kids in the lunchroom because if you couldn't figure out on your own to talk to the principal about this then you are too stupid to be teaching them in a classroom.

LW3: If you want to find your own back-up, you'd better start building a relationship with someone now. This is not something you want to do at the last minute or you could end up with someone twice as bad as your BIL. I would start at a place like Caredotcom.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Apr 4, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
She doesn't have money for a babysitter, she's got four dam kids
She might. Did you get a peek into her bank account?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#17 Apr 4, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
She might. Did you get a peek into her bank account?
Don't get lippy with me. If she could afford a babysitter, she wouldn't have mom watching the kids

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#18 Apr 4, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
There's no way to know whether or not she could afford childcare since the letter doesn't mention that. Some people do not like to leave their kids with anyone who isn't family or a very close friend.
That may be true. However, it sounds like she is NOT paying for her childcare. Besides that if you half a brain as a parent, you provide for back up childcare.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#19 Apr 4, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you have children? How old are they? Did you work whe they were little?
I recently discovered I have two, Ferret and Begel. I believe they are barely three, given the temper tantrums they keep throwing.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#20 Apr 4, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
She doesn't have money for a babysitter, she's got four dam kids
Bingo! Four kids, no nanny, generally means no money.

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