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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Oct 24, 2012
DEAR ABBY: I'm 15. I have dated since I was 12 but never told my parents and sort of went out of my way to hide it from them. I had sex when I was 13, but was always careful about using birth control. I'm on the pill and always use condoms.

I got pregnant anyway, five months ago. I always had irregular periods so I didn't realize it until two months ago. The doctor told me I was having a girl. I was scared out of my mind, but I was planning to tell the father and my parents. Then early last month I got a terrible pain. I went to the clinic and had a miscarriage.

It will be a long time before I'm completely ready to deal with this, but I don't know how to move on. I only told a couple of people, and none of them can ever know how I'm feeling. I can't tell my parents, and I have no idea how to tell the father. Please help me.-- LOST AND ALONE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LOST AND ALONE: Please accept my sympathy. A miscarriage can cause a mix of emotions, among which are disappointment, despair, shock, guilt, grief -- and relief. All are normal. I urge you to talk to a trusted adult who can listen and support you, because going through all of this alone is doubly hard.

Remember that grief is a natural response to a miscarriage. Don't make light of it or deny the feelings. The length of time it takes to process them is different for everyone, but you should feel better as time passes. If that doesn't happen, talk with your health care provider because there may be additional ways to support you and help you feel better.

If you decide to tell the father, understand that he may need to grieve, too. He may not be able to express his emotions the same way you do. But communicating your feelings and supporting each other may help both of you to cope.

Because the birth control you were using didn't prevent your pregnancy, you should ask a health care provider for advice about avoiding another unplanned pregnancy in the future. A staff member at your local Planned Parenthood health center or other clinic, or your own physician, can discuss all of your options and help you get the birth control you need.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of two adult daughters. Their father and I were divorced when they were 6 and 10. He was an attentive father, and I encouraged and nurtured their relationship with him and always told them how much he loved them.

Five years after our divorce, he remarried. His new wife didn't care for the girls and made no secret of it. Our youngest daughter gave birth to our only grandchild. When the child was 4, my daughters were told by their father that they were no longer welcome in his home. They then revealed to me that during the 30 years since the divorce, their dad had never had a good thing to say about me and told them many lies. He died nine months ago, without patching up the problems between them.

Now my daughters want to be close to his wife! Please help me understand. I have strong emotions about this, especially concerning the grandchild.-- MISERABLE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISERABLE: It may not be rational, but it's possible that your daughters want a relationship with their father's wife because they perceive it as the one last link to their father, however weak a link that may be.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Oct 24, 2012
LW1: I have no experience with this. Ladies, is it typical for a 15 year old to go to the doctor, find out she's pregnant, and the doctor not tell her parents. Does Dr-patient confidentiality apply to minors too? This just seems fake to me.

"A staff member at your local Planned Parenthood health center or other clinic, or your own physician, can discuss all of your options and help you get the birth control you need."
??? She's on the pill. Am I wrong to assume that a parent would have to be in the loop on that? I mean, this ain'tthe same as passing out free condoms. Can a 15 year old girl go to planned parenthood and get drugs without a parent's consent?

LW2:Abby has no insight into your daughters' minds. Maybe they are angling to stay in the ex-wife's will to get some of dad's fortune. Only they can explain themselves.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#3 Oct 24, 2012
LW1: What Abby said

LW2: I've got nothing.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Oct 24, 2012
L1: I don't believe you were on the pill and using condoms. If you were, you weren't taking your pill regularly and you weren't using condoms properly.

Tonka, the doctor WILL respect her privacy even though she's a minor, but the parents sure will see some surprising mail from the insurance company/care provider (statements, bills, etc.).

And girls can get birth control pills without their parents' involvement.

L2: Ask your daughters.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#5 Oct 24, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
And girls can get birth control pills without their parents' involvement.
Tell me more about this.

If it was from the girl's doctor, I am guessing that would also show up on the parents insurance. I suppose the doctor could hand her a perscription slip and she take her bike over to Target herself to get it filled, but the cost is either going on her parents insurance, which would require her to provide an insurance card(how many of you had access to/possesion of your insurance card at age 15), or come out of her pocket.$20 a month? I find that hard to believe that a $15 year old is coughing up that much a month on her own.

If its planned parenthood or some place like that, how does that work? Don't you need a doctor to perscribe drugs to you? Is ther a Doctor there who handles this? Are the pills free?

I'm just having a hard time figuring out the logistics of how a 15 year old could be on the pill and her parents have no indication(unless they are hiding their head in the sand).

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#6 Oct 24, 2012
L1 How about you slow down the promiscuous behavior and learn how to be responsible?

L2: Dysfunction at its best, but MYOB. They are adults now.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Oct 24, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Tell me more about this.
If it was from the girl's doctor, I am guessing that would also show up on the parents insurance. I suppose the doctor could hand her a perscription slip and she take her bike over to Target herself to get it filled, but the cost is either going on her parents insurance, which would require her to provide an insurance card(how many of you had access to/possesion of your insurance card at age 15), or come out of her pocket.$20 a month? I find that hard to believe that a $15 year old is coughing up that much a month on her own.
If its planned parenthood or some place like that, how does that work? Don't you need a doctor to perscribe drugs to you? Is ther a Doctor there who handles this? Are the pills free?
I'm just having a hard time figuring out the logistics of how a 15 year old could be on the pill and her parents have no indication(unless they are hiding their head in the sand).
Pills *may* be free but they usually are just very cheap, cheaper than I pay with insurance. Yes, you need a doctor to prescribe them and there needs to be a medical exam first. If this girl goes to her regular family doctor -- or any other doctor -- and they have her info and it all goes on to her parents' insurance records, the parents will find out, as I stated earlier.

But if she paid for this herself, they'll never know. It's just more likely that she went to a free clinic and got free or cheap birth control.

It's very common. Every major (and most minor) city in this country offers that.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#8 Oct 24, 2012
I knew girls in HS who went on the pill by going to the Emma Goldman Clinic in Iowa City, then hid their BC pills in their locker at HS. On Friday, they'd take two pills with them (like, hidding in their billfold or bookbag) so they could take them on the weekends at home.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Oct 24, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW1: I have no experience with this. Ladies, is it typical for a 15 year old to go to the doctor, find out she's pregnant, and the doctor not tell her parents. Does Dr-patient confidentiality apply to minors too? This just seems fake to me.
"A staff member at your local Planned Parenthood health center or other clinic, or your own physician, can discuss all of your options and help you get the birth control you need."
??? She's on the pill. Am I wrong to assume that a parent would have to be in the loop on that? I mean, this ain'tthe same as passing out free condoms. Can a 15 year old girl go to planned parenthood and get drugs without a parent's consent?
LW2:Abby has no insight into your daughters' minds. Maybe they are angling to stay in the ex-wife's will to get some of dad's fortune. Only they can explain themselves.
Reproductive issues will be kept from parents . THere is a base age and it varies from state to state but it is below the age of consent.

A girl can see a gyn type doc and get bc without parents being told.It has been that way for a long time

This is what underlies the issue of parental notification for abortion disputes and why PP gets flack- because they will work confidentially with younger teenaged girls

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#10 Oct 24, 2012
1 Get on another pill, double up on the condoms and keep your legs closed.

2 Maybe they like tormenting you?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Oct 24, 2012
But Tonka is right, I think -- if she goes through teh normal channels that involve her regular doctor/clinic, it could end up on her insurance and her parents will find out that way.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#12 Oct 24, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
If its planned parenthood or some place like that, how does that work? Don't you need a doctor to perscribe drugs to you? Is ther a Doctor there who handles this? Are the pills free?
I'm just having a hard time figuring out the logistics of how a 15 year old could be on the pill and her parents have no indication(unless they are hiding their head in the sand).
After age 13, hipaa rules apply regarding insurance. For example, my husband can see that I went to the doctor via the interface for our insurance and how much the bill was/how much was paid out, but (online) he can't even see which doctor I went to unless I grant him explicit access to see that information. He can see I filled a prescription but not what the prescription was. Once the kid turns 13, my understanding is that his insurance information will go under the same sort of privacy protection.

Also, many states have further privacy laws regarding teenagers and sexual health exams. Check your state laws. A pediatrician or GP can give a pelvic exam and prescribe birth control without telling the parents of the teenager (and test for STDs); in fact, they may be legally forbidden from telling the parents without the teen's explicit permission.

For years, my GP has done my pelvic exam/pap and wrote my bc prescription as part of my annual, preventative checkup. I prefer this, means I don't have to have a second, separate appointment set up with a gyn.

And there's always the PP/other type of clinic option for the exam and prescription.

As for cost: nowadays, some types of the pill are on the $4 generic list at Wal-mart. Some you can get subsidized from PP or other sexual health clinics. And back when I was 15, most 15-year-olds I knew could swing the $20-$50 a month for the pill if unable to find any other option. It might mean that they saved their lunch money and didn't eat lunch or something like that.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Oct 24, 2012
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>This is what underlies the issue of parental notification for abortion disputes and why PP gets flack- because they will work confidentially with younger teenaged girls
That's kind of a thorny issue.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#14 Oct 24, 2012
1- 15 and already a wh0 re. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of kids by the time you're 20.

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Oct 24, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>It's very common. Every major (and most minor) city in this country offers that.
I think BC pills should be free.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#16 Oct 24, 2012
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I think BC pills should be free.
Yes, please. Way cheaper than babies.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#17 Oct 24, 2012
High school is so much more fun nowadays, what with hot teachers banging students and now this..

http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/calif-hi...

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#18 Oct 24, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Tell me more about this.
If it was from the girl's doctor, I am guessing that would also show up on the parents insurance. I suppose the doctor could hand her a perscription slip and she take her bike over to Target herself to get it filled, but the cost is either going on her parents insurance, which would require her to provide an insurance card(how many of you had access to/possesion of your insurance card at age 15), or come out of her pocket.$20 a month? I find that hard to believe that a $15 year old is coughing up that much a month on her own.
If its planned parenthood or some place like that, how does that work? Don't you need a doctor to perscribe drugs to you? Is ther a Doctor there who handles this? Are the pills free?
I'm just having a hard time figuring out the logistics of how a 15 year old could be on the pill and her parents have no indication(unless they are hiding their head in the sand).
At 15 I was working. If I was in that girl's position I would have paid cash so the parents wouldn't find out. Who knows, perhaps she complained of cramps and her parents knew she was on the pill and paid for it. The pill is for more than just pregnancies. It helps make a cycle more regular among other things.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#19 Oct 24, 2012
L1: Something slipped up. That's a difficult thing for a 15 year old to go through.

L2: Their choice. It's a separate relationship. You cannot choose who they decide to let into their life as adults. It really doesn't matter if you like it or not (unfortunately).

“No. 1 Stunna”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#20 Oct 24, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, please. Way cheaper than babies.
Yes, it's a win, win situation, all around. Cheaper and then less women are saddled with a baby when they really don't want one, especially teens. I would think that is one issue conservatives and liberals could agree upon.

I'd like it to be the norm that women of child rearing age are on b.c. unless they are actively trying to procreate. That is a little tougher, cause many folks think if their little girl is on bc it will make her more likely to have sex, which I reluctantly say is probably true. Bambi made me wait until she was on bc to do the deed, but we were doing pretty much everything else except that for a long time before that. Seems to me if you are doing everything else doing the deed isn't that big of a deal. I suspect most women are no different than she was. No, I can't have sex, but I can give you head and you can go down on me! Like mom and dad would be cool with that, lol.

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