“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Aug 4, 2014
DEAR ABBY: I am a happily married, 26-year-old female with just one problem: I'm afraid to have children.

I have always wanted children, and it's something my husband and I often discuss. Anytime we are asked when we plan to start our family, we always say four to five years, but we have been saying this same thing for four years. I always thought I'd be ready by now.

My husband has been very sick for the past few years and had to take time off work. We were able to scrape by on my salary, but it was tough. He returned to work recently and is fine. But now all I can think about is how much children cost, and I'm afraid we'll never have enough money to have a baby.

I also worry about what if our child would be killed in an accident, molested or kidnapped! I ask myself why anyone would want to bring children into such a scary world, yet I still want them. Please help me. I am very upset and don't know what to do.-- UNCERTAIN IN TULSA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: I understand your concerns and they are valid. Having children is an act of faith as well as an investment in the future.

If you think about it, life itself is a gamble. Mature individuals do everything they can to keep the odds in their favor. They work hard, live healthy lives, buy insurance, start an education fund for their children, etc. There are no guarantees -- but people keep having children anyway.

Because you feel stuck in making this decision, it would be helpful to discuss your concerns with a licensed mental health professional who can help you put your fears to rest.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old mother of a 5-year-old girl. I have been dating "Mack" for two years. Everything was great at first, but when I moved in with him things changed.

I don't have a car right now. I work less than a mile away, so I walk mostly and don't mind. The problem is, when Mack gets off work, he picks up his son and goes straight home. He doesn't call or text me to ask where I am, or drive by to see where my child and I are walking. When I arrive home, I'll find his son watching TV and Mack doing something else.

I keep telling him I need respect. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Temperatures are in the mid-90s here in the summer, and it can get to you when you're walking.-- UPSET MAMA IN TEXAS

DEAR UPSET: If you haven't asked Mack to pick you up when he leaves work so you're not stuck in the blazing heat -- with your child, yet -- you should. That he wouldn't think of it himself shows not only a lack of consideration for your feelings but also for your little girl's welfare.

Because his behavior has changed since you started living with him, consider this change to be a red flag. If things don't improve, start looking for other living arrangements for you and your daughter because it appears you and Mack do better when you're not cohabiting.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Aug 4, 2014
2 Of course it's the guy's fault that she has a daughter, no car, walks to work, and decided to move in with him. Yup, all his fault.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#3 Aug 4, 2014
Edog, what's with the 7-35? A new code?

1: Yes, counseling is the way to go. There are no guarantees in life.

2: Yes, red flag. Find yourself another place to live sans bf. Sure, if you haven't asked him to pick you up, you should and pay close attention to how he responds - not just his response but how he makes it. Does he seem reluctant? Big red flag. But still even if he acts all sorry and says he will pick you up from now on, he should have been thoughtful enough to realize what you're going through himself. I'd give him a pass and move out.

Yes, I know. I'm in a really mean mood this morning.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#5 Aug 4, 2014
1- please don't breed

2- if you want him to give you a ride, ASK!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#6 Aug 4, 2014
Pippa wrote:
Edog, what's with the 7-35? A new code?
It's the 35th day of July. Isn't it?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Aug 4, 2014
RACE wrote:
2 Of course it's tnhe guy's fault that she has a daughter, no car, walks to work, and decided to move in with him. Yup, all his fault.
No sh!t. If she wants a ride, her phone can dial just like his. Taxi don't call you to see if you need a ride. You call the taxi. She did not say that he drives past her walking on his way home. PITA princess ecpecting people to cater to her needs without her lifting a finger

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#8 Aug 4, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>No sh!t. If she wants a ride, her phone can dial just like his. Taxi don't call you to see if you need a ride. You call the taxi. She did not say that he drives past her walking on his way home. PITA princess ecpecting people to cater to her needs without her lifting a finger
Nope. Part of being in a good relationship is keeping an eye open for what teh other person is doing and offering a hand without being asked..

Try this scenario

Tonka: I am going for a pizza
Mrs Tonka :I'd like mushrooms please

Tonka: I am going for a pizza, what do you want on your part?
Mrs Tonka: I'd like mushrooms please

Tonka: I brought home a pizza
Mrs Tonka: Hey, you know I like ,mushrooms, where are they?

Version 1 and 2 are okay in my book.

Version they are both idiots., but one more than the other.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Aug 4, 2014
Version 3 they are both idiots.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#10 Aug 4, 2014
Apples and oranges. Neither of us just brings home dinner. Dinner is a shared decision.

I live my life on schedule and routine. The normal schedule in lw's life has her walking to and from work. If that does not work for her, she needs to speak up and ask for a ride and not expect him to initiate that. When I leave work, I concern myself with any errands I have to run or anything else I already have scheduled...unless my wife calls me to ask that I veer off course for something she needs. otherwise, her very existence does not cross my mind till I get home and see her.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#11 Aug 4, 2014
And btw, that pizza scenario is a weekly thing. But we both already know what the standard order is. The only decisions are, are we having pizza tonight & if so, who's picking it up.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Aug 4, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
And btw, that pizza scenario is a weekly thing. But we both already know what the standard order is. The only decisions are, are we having pizza tonight & if so, who's picking it up.
Do you ever call her up and volunteer to be the one to pick it up, so she doesn't have to drive out of her way or because you knew she had a horrible week at work or something?

That's the point- thinking about the other person and stepping up to do something that makes their life easier.

Don't forget the mushrooms.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#13 Aug 4, 2014
Why would he call her? I bet they dont decide till their both home, then he just uses his pizza app to order it.
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you ever call her up and volunteer to be the one to pick it up, so she doesn't have to drive out of her way or because you knew she had a horrible week at work or something?
That's the point- thinking about the other person and stepping up to do something that makes their life easier.
Don't forget the mushrooms.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 Aug 4, 2014
RACE wrote:
Why would he call her? I bet they dont decide till their both home, then he just uses his pizza app to order it.

<quoted text>
Actually, the determination of who picks it up is made during the call where we discuss and decide on what we are doing for dinner. Stopping on the way home is much prefferred over having to go back out after getting there.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#15 Aug 4, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you ever call her up and volunteer to be the one to pick it up, so she doesn't have to drive out of her way or because you knew she had a horrible week at work or something?
That's the point- thinking about the other person and stepping up to do something that makes their life easier.
Don't forget the mushrooms.
That would presume that it had already been determined that we were having pizza and she was picking it up. When we get pizza, its a mutual on the way home from work phone call decision.
But to humor your scenario, no. If she said she's picking up the pizza, she's picking up the pizza ...unless she calls to ask me to pick it up.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#16 Aug 4, 2014
2: Oh KEEP telling him. Maybe the 80th time will stick.
You moved in for security, admit it. Such a horrible things to do to your child.
Pathetic.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#17 Aug 4, 2014
In all fairness, were not saying thats what she dis....
it just appears that way.
And... Point taken.
cheluzal wrote:
2: Oh KEEP telling him. Maybe the 80th time will stick.
You moved in for security, admit it. Such a horrible things to do to your child.
Pathetic.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#18 Aug 5, 2014
RACE wrote:
In all fairness, were not saying thats what she dis....
it just appears that way.
And... Point taken.
<quoted text>
It's more fun to assume she did. ;p

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