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hahaha

Morristown, TN

#1 Oct 20, 2009
make me laugh!

“Your Favorite Uncle!”

Since: Aug 09

Chicago

#2 Oct 20, 2009
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams,I slept with your mother! The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells,I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!

The other says,Go home dad youre drunk.
Soiled Britches

Rancho Cordova, CA

#3 Oct 21, 2009
A woman walks into a bar and ask the male bartender for a light beer. The bartender asks, "Anheuser Busch?"
The woman goes, "just fine, how's your c@ck?"

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#4 Oct 21, 2009
Two colleagues get laid off when their plant shuts down. Both are given a reasonable severence package, and off they go.

A year later one has fallen on hard times. Unable to find another job, the severence money long gone, and on the verge of losing his house, he is walking along a street when he hears a car horn behind him.

He turns to find his former colleague waving at him from behind the wheel of a new Rolls-Royce.

Shocked, he goes over to ask him how he got this.

"Well", came the reply "when we got the severence money, I decided to invest it.
So I sold my house, bought a larger, three-storey place, and opened a brothel.
The ground floor is for those seeking straight sex, the first floor is for pedophiles, and the top floor caters to homosexuals."

"Wow", exclaims the first guy, "it looks like business is pretty good?"

"Yeah, it's good now" replies the second "but it was tough at first when it was just me, the wife, and kids."

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Channahon, IL

#5 Oct 21, 2009
Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

Why did the condom go flying across the room?
It got p@zzed off!

What did the vampire say to the teacher?
"See you next period."
Soiled Britches

Rancho Cordova, CA

#6 Oct 21, 2009
Remember these are just jokes, so nobody get bent out of shape.

Two guys are in a gay bar. The one says to the other "can I push in your stool?" The other guy says "right here in front of everybody?"

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#7 Oct 21, 2009
Two old ladies sitting on the beach when a streaker ran past.

The first old lady had a stroke.
The second one couldn't reach that far.
Soiled Britches

Rancho Cordova, CA

#8 Oct 21, 2009
A prostitute was going down on a leper. After it was over the leper said "keep the tip."
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#9 Oct 21, 2009
Two old ladies, quite horny, were sitting on the front porch watching a military parade and commenting on the physique of the returning servicemen.
Old Lady #1 "Look at that one. I think he has a Purple Heart on"
Old Lady #2 "I don't care what color it is, bring him over here"

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#10 Oct 21, 2009
What's the difference between a bonus & a penis?

You'll never have a problem getting your wife to blow your bonus!
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#11 Oct 21, 2009
Suck Marylou, suck.
Blow's just a figure of speech
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#12 Oct 21, 2009
Remember these are just jokes, so nobody get bent out of shape.

Why did the Scots get the oats and the Arabs get the oil?

The Scots had first choice

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#13 Oct 21, 2009
PEllen wrote:
Remember these are just jokes, so nobody get bent out of shape.
Why did the Scots get the oats and the Arabs get the oil?
The Scots had first choice
We tell the same joke in Scotland, except it's the Irish, and potatoes.

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#14 Oct 21, 2009
What's the difference between Australia and a yogurt?

The yogurt's got a culture.

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#15 Oct 21, 2009
What's the difference between being hard-up and being down-and-out?

About five seconds.
P Ellen

Chicago, IL

#16 Oct 21, 2009
Man walked into a bar with a parrot on his head.
Bartender says "Where did you get that?"
Parrot "It came as a prize in a box of bird seed"
P Ellen

Chicago, IL

#17 Oct 21, 2009
Mcfixer wrote:
What's the difference between being hard-up and being down-and-out?
About five seconds.
Is that all it takes a Scotsman? 5 seconds?

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#18 Oct 21, 2009
P Ellen wrote:
<quoted text>
Is that all it takes a Scotsman? 5 seconds?
That's the difference between being up, and being out.

Not the entire process.

And though I know a few guys who believe they're getting better at sex because they've reduced the time it takes them, I've yet to meet someone who's got it down to five seconds.

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#19 Oct 21, 2009
An ugly woman walked into a bar with a duck under her right arm.

The barman asks "where did you get the pig?"

She replies "it's not a pig, it's a duck"

He retorts "I was talking to the duck".

......the old ones are the best, but not always.

“You can hear them turning”

Since: May 09

Wishaw

#20 Oct 21, 2009
Did you ever hear the one about the Scotsman who was travelling down to London and lost all his luggage?
The cork fell out.

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