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1 - 10 of 10 Comments Last updated Dec 20, 2012
Sweet Potato Queen

Chicago, IL

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#1
Dec 18, 2012
 
DEAR ABBY: I am 20 and have been with my boyfriend, "Griffin," for five years. He recently gave me a beautiful promise ring. I would like to spend the rest of my life with him, but I think I have a problem.
I am going to become an adoption professional, and I plan on adopting one day. Griffin knows I'm pursuing this career and that I want to adopt, but I don't think he understands how serious I am about it. We don't plan on being married until after college, when we'll both be 25.

How do I let him know I'm serious about this? I don't want to wait five more years and find he's not on the same page and that I wasted my time. When I try to discuss it, Griffin says we're "too young to think about it." What do I say to that?-- MAPPING OUT MY FUTURE IN L.A.

DEAR MAPPING: It appears you are more mature than your boyfriend. Because you are determined to eventually adopt a child, I agree that it's important for you to know whether Griffin has any negative feelings about adoption because some people are unable to accept a child who is not their own. The next time he says you're too young to think about such things, explain that.
There is a vast difference between a "promise ring" and a little gold band. Because Griffin presented you with a promise ring is no guarantee that in five years the two of you will make it to the altar together. You may need to be with someone who, like you, is more geared to mapping out a future and wants to settle down.

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DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Annie," is a single mother, holds a full-time job and trains for triathlons. Her son, "Cooper," is 3. Annie has him enrolled in day care from 7 a.m. until 4 p.m. every day while she's at work. Afterward, she picks up Cooper from day care and checks him into the gym's child care service while she works out.

I have offered to pick my grandson up from day care once a week and keep him until Annie finishes her workout. My other daughter has offered to pick him up twice a week so he can play with his cousin at her house.
Annie has become defensive. She says we're offering because we think she's neglecting him. Actually, I do think so. It breaks my heart that my grandson spends 12 hours a day in day care. Do you agree with me? What should I do?-- WORRIED GRANNY IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR WORRIED GRANNY: Annie may be defensive because she feels some guilt, or because you need to become a better actress and transmit less disapproval.

Apologize to her if that will smooth things over. Explain that you would like Cooper to spend time with you because you love him and want him to develop warm childhood memories of his grandmother. Tell Annie that her sister wants him to spend time with his cousin so they will have a closer bond when they're older. Then cross your fingers and hope she'll accept the offers.

DEAR ABBY: What is your definition of a committed relationship?-- TRYING FOR ONE IN TEXAS

DEAR TRYING: A committed relationship is one in which both parties agree that it will remain mutually exclusive.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Dec 18, 2012
 
L1: Ugh. Promise rings are so HIGH SCHOOL. Why don't you two go to college, grow up and then figure out what you want to do with your lives?

I disagree that she's more mature than her boyfriend, if she can't even talk about this with him.

L2: I agree that she's putting her own stuff ahead of her kid.

L3: I disagree. Nick and I are "mutually exclusive" but I don't think you could say we're in a "committed" relationship (which to me implies permanence).

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

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#3
Dec 18, 2012
 
L1: What Ang said.

L2: I like Abby's answer.

L3: Who cares how Abby defines it? It only matters how you and the other person in it define it.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#4
Dec 18, 2012
 
1 I bet you also took a virginity pledge, didn't you?

2 Whatever, just get the kid outta daycare as often as possible.

3 Abby as a dictionary? Nope.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Dec 18, 2012
 
1 Team red, but I am sure giving her the ring was the only way into her pants.

2 Why even have the kid?

3 Anybody in a relationship is committed, or probably needs to be.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#6
Dec 18, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L3: I disagree. Nick and I are "mutually exclusive" but I don't think you could say we're in a "committed" relationship (which to me implies permanence).
My opinion is that if you are in an exclusive relationship for an extended period of time (especially over a year), you are in a "committed" relationship.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#7
Dec 18, 2012
 
1- I'm on team grow up. You're twenty years old and mapping out your potential family situation. Chill.

2- I'll agree she probably feels guilty but a kid shouldn't be in day care 12 hours a day. It's all about your approach.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Dec 18, 2012
 

Judged:

1

LW1: My 7 year old says she's not having babies but going to adopt a bunch.*She's* too young to be talking about that; you are not. But honestly, you should be concentrating on school and not worrying about your boyfriend or children (birthed or adopted!) until you graduate.

LW2: WTF is wrong with this woman???? Unless you and your other daughter are total nut-jobs, she should want you to have a relationship with her child.

Oh, wait. Maybe you are nut-jobs...

LW3: It means that you don't go chasing after the other tails you might find attractive.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#9
Dec 18, 2012
 
LW1: You have been together since you were FIFTEEN. You guys should probably have some time apart to grow up and figure out what you want. More than likely, you are going to want different things in the end. Prepare for that.

And a PROMISE RING??? That's so lame. either you get engaged, or you don't. You don't promise to make a promise to make a vow. That's dumb.

LW2: Your daughter sounds like a self absorbed jerk. Good job.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

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#10
Dec 20, 2012
 
LW2 might be a fake letter.(Or LW2 isn't telling--or may not know--
the real reason her daughter doesn't want her to
spend time with that grandson.)

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