Abby 2-4

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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Feb 4, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: We're a military family and have moved often since my husband and I married. In the past, relocating was always easy because our two sons were younger, but we have lived in the same community for more than five years now. Our older son is 14 and a freshman in high school.

My husband has reached a point in his career where he can either retire from the military or re-enlist to finish out his 30 years. Either way, it will probably require another move. Our 11-year-old son is a free spirit who seems to adjust wherever we are. The problem is, our teenager is begging us not to move because of the friends he has in school.

I'm torn. I understand my son's reasons, and people who had to move as teens agree it's difficult when they're in high school. We live in a very small town, and I'm sure the move will take us to a larger area. I know my son will see he'll have more to do and will make a lot more friends. But he doesn't want to leave and is becoming very emotional about it.

My husband is willing to leave without us, get settled and let our son finish high school here. I don't want to separate the family. Can you help us?-- NOT "AT EASE" IN GEORGIA

DEAR NOT AT EASE: Do not separate your family. If this were your son's last year of high school, I might feel differently. However, there is still plenty of time for him to make new friends at a new high school. Because he doesn't want to lose his old ones, he can stay in touch with them electronically.

What your son is experiencing is one of the realities of military life, and it may teach him to become more adept at social relationships. So think positive and do not let his fear of change hold you back.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve and it's an aggravation I encounter frequently. For some reason, people do not understand hours of business. Our hours are always clearly posted, so please don't knock on the door before the business is open.

My personal irritant has to do with closing time. When the sign says we close at 9 p.m., it means the doors lock at that time. It does not mean that if you can slide in the door 30 seconds before closing that we must stay and serve your needs for however long you are present.

If you can't complete your business at or before closing time, then come back tomorrow or find a business that stays open later. There are still a lot of duties to be finished after the last customer leaves and before we can go home.-- HAD A LONG DAY, RICHLAND, WASH.

DEAR HAD A LONG DAY: Not only was it a long day, it appears to have been a bad one. If it wasn't, you wouldn't have forgotten that the most important thing in running a business is customer service. This sometimes can mean bending the rules.

If you find this too difficult, you can always refuse to open your door early and "remind" anyone who enters just before closing that you lock your door promptly at the posted hour for the reason you stated. Individuals who want more personalized service are, indeed, free to shop at stores with more flexible hours.(And they will.)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#2
Feb 4, 2013
 
LW1: I got nothing. I can't endorse letting the son's needs dictate what's best for the family. But I feel his pain. That lifestyle of moving every few years is not one that I could get on board with as an adult. Must be much harder as a kid.

LW2: I'm fine with not opening the doors till you are ready to server customers, but as far as getting in before you close, I say if you don't want anyone in your store after 9pm, then have a posted closing time of 8:30 and lock the doors then. As a customer, I am in no way concerned with your need/want to go home at a certain time. I am concerned with making a purchase. If your doors are locked, then I am too late. Too bad for me. If your doors are opened, I'm coming in.

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Feb 4, 2013
 

Judged:

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L1: I agree with Abby. One more move won't kill him. And hitting that 30-year mark for retirement *might* make a big difference in his pension (which can be more than he earned as a salary).

L2: Are you the business owner who sets policies for these matters?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#4
Feb 4, 2013
 
Lw1: I feel bad for the kid, but dad needs to get his 30 years in. When this kid is an adult, he'll understand.

Lw2: You must have encountered my friend Karyn. TS buddy. That is the nature of retail.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Feb 4, 2013
 
1 Amby got it right

2 I cant imagine what type of business this is. Every place I have ever gone to, herds people out the door, or to the cashier @9. One way or the other your leaving.

I was thinking maybe like a starbucks or burger joint where you sit down to eat.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#6
Feb 4, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
1 Amby got it right
2 I cant imagine what type of business this is. Every place I have ever gone to, herds people out the door, or to the cashier @9. One way or the other your leaving.
I was thinking maybe like a starbucks or burger joint where you sit down to eat.
Yeah, but even when they start herding you out the door, they don't just kick you out. They flash the lights and make announcements to bring your items to the check out line. I'd guess as long as you are in line at actual closing time, they will ring you up. They won't say, "its 9pm. we are closed. leave your stuff where it is and get out".

Since: Jan 10

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#7
Feb 4, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW2: I'm fine with not opening the doors till you are ready to server customers, but as far as getting in before you close, I say if you don't want anyone in your store after 9pm, then have a posted closing time of 8:30 and lock the doors then.
ITA.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#8
Feb 4, 2013
 
LW2 - Abby can do her job in her pajamas and close her computer when she wants so she has no idea what retail employees go through. As an business owner, I tried her idea for several months. I found out that if you didn't kick them out, many would wander around looking for an hour and then leave without buying anything. I started telling people when they entered that I was closing in 10 minutes and that I could help them find what they were looking for. That really cut down on the problem of people just killing time. We were a very successful gift shop and sold it for $$$$$$$ when I retired during the recession.

As for opening early, that is just dangerous. I don't want to be flashing cash into a cash register with people in the store. I want the cash in the drawer out of sight before I open.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#9
Feb 4, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
1 Amby got it right
2 I cant imagine what type of business this is. Every place I have ever gone to, herds people out the door, or to the cashier @9. One way or the other your leaving.
I was thinking maybe like a starbucks or burger joint where you sit down to eat.
My friend Karyn, that I mentioned in my post, will do this at stores like Pier 1 or Crate & Barrel. That way she gets the store basically to herself and all the helpers that she may require.

But she will also drop a LOT of money when she does this, so although I was embarrassed the one time I was with her, I figured she was not just wasting their time.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

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#10
Feb 4, 2013
 

Judged:

1

1

1- Tell the whiny little shitbrat to get over it and deal.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

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#11
Feb 4, 2013
 

Judged:

1

One way the teen ager can stay: Is he /she old enough to work and stay with another family under
"power-of-attorney" while finishing high school? Otherwise, moving may be for the best.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#12
Feb 4, 2013
 
L1: It's a tender age of trying to fit in. He's probably scared. You need to help him conquer that fear. You can take him to where you're going to move ahead of time, sign him up to things where he can make friends. Set-up/get Skype to talk to his old friends. There are things you can do for both boys to make everyone happy. At that age, though, they don't get to call the shots.

L2: This LW seems not to be able to communicate with the customers. A lot of places I've been to, near closing time they dim the lights just a bit and make an announcement. They have someone going around the store asking customers if they need help with "their last items" and helping them get to the cashier, etc. If there was a store that did a favor for me by helping me past the regular hours, I'd most likely be the loyalist customer from then on.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

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#13
Feb 4, 2013
 
L1: I feel for the kid not wanting to go, but the pension overrides the debate. Keeping in touch electronically was a great suggestion. That wasn't an option when I was a kid. Looking back in time, it would probably have been good for me to be forced to make new friends cause the old ones weren't so great.

L2: I got a new job and was shopping for much needed work clothes. The owner told me that if I ever wanted to come in on off hours, she would be glad to accommodate me. I guess she liked the money I was spending.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#14
Feb 4, 2013
 
1. I don't know how much of a benefit hitting the 30-year mark would make, but if it would be meaeningful they should do it. Adapting to a new school is by far not the hardest thing that kid is going to face.

2. So things are so good for you that you can turn down business?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#15
Feb 4, 2013
 
Your hot and rich???
Shari23 wrote:
LW2 - Abby can do her job in her pajamas and close her computer when she wants so she has no idea what retail employees go through. As an business owner, I tried her idea for several months. I found out that if you didn't kick them out, many would wander around looking for an hour and then leave without buying anything. I started telling people when they entered that I was closing in 10 minutes and that I could help them find what they were looking for. That really cut down on the problem of people just killing time. We were a very successful gift shop and sold it for $$$$$$$ when I retired during the recession.
As for opening early, that is just dangerous. I don't want to be flashing cash into a cash register with people in the store. I want the cash in the drawer out of sight before I open.
EJG

New Britain, CT

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#16
Feb 4, 2013
 
Sam I Am wrote:
1. I don't know how much of a benefit hitting the 30-year mark would make, but if it would be meaeningful they should do it. Adapting to a new school is by far not the hardest thing that kid is going to face.
This is true, especially with internet access to keep the teen in touch with old friends.
It sounds like the best of both worlds to me.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#17
Feb 4, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Your hot and rich???
<quoted text>
I pine for my youth when I was hot. "Rich"? Sort of comfortable. So the answer is "no". Sorry...

Since: Jan 10

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#18
Feb 4, 2013
 
According to what I found online, the 20-year mark and the 40-year mark are most important for pension matters. But I would think 10 more years in gets you more money than not.

My ex FIL made more in retirement than he did while active duty, and I was told that that's the norm. I suppose that's how they get away with such low salaries for the lower ranking servicepeople. " Stick with us, we'll get you a decent retirement."

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#19
Feb 4, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
L1: It's a tender age of trying to fit in. He's probably scared.
Yes.
Toj wrote:
You need to help him conquer that fear.
Easier said than done.
Toj wrote:
sign him up to things where he can make friends.
Once you were in HS, did your parents sign you up for things without your input or your direction? Mine didn't. I could not imagine being fired up about being told, I just signed you up for "xyz".
Toj wrote:
Set-up/get Skype to talk to his old friends.
Great idea if the problem is losing touch with old friends. But that's not the problem here. The problem is starting over with no friends.
Toj wrote:
At that age, though, they don't get to call the shots.
Agreed

Since: Jan 10

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#20
Feb 4, 2013
 

Judged:

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If he were already a junior in HS, I'd be very supportive of finding a family to host him for his senior year. But freshman year? Sucks to be you,kid. I was in four school districts between kindergarten and fifth grade.

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