“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Apr 20, 2014
DEAR ABBY: It has been a year since my mother passed away. The month of February was especially tough because it was the month of her birthday and also the month in which she died.

Mother's Day will be here soon, and I'm already feeling bitter, anticipating all of the commercials, advertising, brunches and everything. I don't want to be bitter about Mother's Day, but I am. How do people typically celebrate Mother's Day when they have lost their mother?-- JODY IN KEARNEY, NEB.

DEAR JODY: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother. If you have siblings, you might find it comforting to talk with them about your feelings. If not, then spend the day quietly, being grateful for the precious time you had with your mother and the many lessons she taught you. I can't speak for others, but that's how I have coped with the loss of my mother, and I'm sure others do it, too.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Glen," and I have been dating for two years. Over the past few months he has been pushing me to open a joint checking account with him.

I have tried explaining that I don't feel like it's a good idea until we are engaged. But every time I say no, he gets upset and angry. Am I wrong for not wanting to put our finances together, and how do I make him see my side?-- CAREFUL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CAREFUL: You are absolutely NOT wrong, and you should not have to justify your discomfort with the idea of pooling your money with anyone to whom you are not married. In fact, Glen should be trying to explain why he is pushing you into making such a foolish decision.

His "anger and upset" are either attempts to bully you into doing what he wants, or a sign of desperation to get access to your hard-earned money. If you are at all tempted to relent, I URGE you to first talk to a lawyer about what the ramifications could be if the relationship went sour.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 15-year-old next-door neighbor who loves to come to my house and visit when my preschool-age grandchildren are here. She always overstays her welcome, staying past the girls' bedtimes.

I know the girl is lonely and doesn't have many friends, but I want some private family time with my grandchildren. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it is starting to interfere with my visits with my grandchildren. Please help.-- GRRR-ANDMA IN TERRE HAUTE

DEAR GRRR-ANDMA: I feel sorry for your lonely neighbor, who not only doesn't have many friends, but may also not have a grandmother in her life. Your relationship with your granddaughters may be the only taste she has of what this special, loving bond is like.

I don't think you should cut her off completely. However, it is important that you have a private chat with the girl and explain that you would prefer she limit her visits to once a week (or two) because your grandchildren need alone time with you.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A happy Easter to all of you!
Cass

Claremont, CA

#2 Apr 20, 2014
LW2 - It's time to re--evaluate your relationship. Do not mingle your finances with somebody you are not married to or have a formal business relationship with.

LW3 - Tell her to go home when it's time for the kids to go to bed.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#3 Apr 20, 2014
2- Such man hatred. Are you living together? Does he pay the bills? Is he otherwise supporting you? These are questions that should be asked before blatantly bashing the man
Cass

Claremont, CA

#4 Apr 20, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
2- Such man hatred. Are you living together? Does he pay the bills? Is he otherwise supporting you? These are questions that should be asked before blatantly bashing the man
So many assumptions....
blunt advice

Union, NJ

#5 Apr 20, 2014
1. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or visit a nursing home on mothers day. It is rewarding to help others on holidays and always.
2. Why does he want this checking account? I'd run from this guy if I were you.
3. Speak to the girls parents about setting boundaries. Take the kids out to the park or zoo or somewhere for alone time.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Apr 20, 2014
1 Volunteering is a good outlet for your grief.

2 Dog is right, we need details as to why? My bet is that he is indeed paying for things that should be jointly purchased.

3 Ironic that your heart is big enough for two children but not three.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Apr 20, 2014
RACE wrote:
2 Dog is right, we need details as to why? My bet is that he is indeed paying for things that should be jointly purchased.
Wouldn't such a situation easily be remedied by determining what expenses she needs to share in, how much her share is, and having her give him money(cash/check) to put into his account to cover her share when he makes the associated payments? I've had many room mates over my life but never had a need to open joint account.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#8 Apr 20, 2014
RACE wrote:
2 Dog is right, we need details as to why? My bet is that he is indeed paying for things that should be jointly purchased.
.
Bull.
A joint account is not necessary to pay one's share of bills.
The times I've co-habited with others (whether it was relationship based or just roomies), I have never had a joint account with anyone who was not related to me.
She should DTFMA and not look back.
Or, should your suspicion be correct,(unlikely since she says that they've been dating, not living together, but just in case) then HE should DTMFA and not look back if he can't count on her to pay her share of things that SHOULD be jointly purchased.
But no way, no how should she let herself be bullied into opening a joint account.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#9 Apr 20, 2014
1: Bitter wasn't an emotional I really felt.
Do what I do: make the day a celebration of their life!
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#10 Apr 20, 2014
Cass wrote:
<quoted text>
So many assumptions....
I only saw valid questions...

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Apr 21, 2014
To you and Tonka,
I was not trying to validate the need for a joint checking account, just the details for why he might want one.

Consider that maybe she is bad at handling money, and he has to nag her for it. So, while she could pay him cash for the joint stuff piecemeal during the month, maybe he would rather have her direct deposit a set amount into a joint account every payday. Nothing nefarious in that! Nowhere did she say that ALL their finances would be combined.
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Bull.
A joint account is not necessary to pay one's share of bills.
The times I've co-habited with others (whether it was relationship based or just roomies), I have never had a joint account with anyone who was not related to me.
She should DTFMA and not look back.
Or, should your suspicion be correct,(unlikely since she says that they've been dating, not living together, but just in case) then HE should DTMFA and not look back if he can't count on her to pay her share of things that SHOULD be jointly purchased.
But no way, no how should she let herself be bullied into opening a joint account.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#12 Apr 21, 2014
RACE wrote:
To you and Tonka,
I was not trying to validate the need for a joint checking account, just the details for why he might want one.
Consider that maybe she is bad at handling money, and he has to nag her for it. So, while she could pay him cash for the joint stuff piecemeal during the month, maybe he would rather have her direct deposit a set amount into a joint account every payday. Nothing nefarious in that! Nowhere did she say that ALL their finances would be combined.
<quoted text>
Nothing says they're living together in the letter. But, IF they are, that is what the last half of my post was about. If she's that flaky, he should be dumping her.
When someone says that they're dating a person, i do not assume they're cohabiting. When people are living together, they rarely refer to it as "dating".
So... off on a tangent a bit...
What about that? If they are NOT living together, they're just dating, do you see any reason for a joint account? Would you be comfortable opening a joint account with someone you were dating, but not living with?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#14 Apr 21, 2014
If there are no shared expenses, I can't think of a reason to need a joint account.
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Nothing says they're living together in the letter. But, IF they are, that is what the last half of my post was about. If she's that flaky, he should be dumping her.
When someone says that they're dating a person, i do not assume they're cohabiting. When people are living together, they rarely refer to it as "dating".
So... off on a tangent a bit...
What about that? If they are NOT living together, they're just dating, do you see any reason for a joint account? Would you be comfortable opening a joint account with someone you were dating, but not living with?

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#15 Apr 21, 2014
RACE wrote:
If there are no shared expenses, I can't think of a reason to need a joint account.
<quoted text>
Exactly. I had a bf living with me years back who was a total flake about money, I didn't ask for a joint account with him, just was RIGHT THERE when he got his check to get his share of rent and utilities. I wouldn't have wanted him to be able to access my money.(he had no bank account at all)
We ever do get a chance to share a drink and some jabber I've got a great story or three to tell you...

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#16 Apr 21, 2014
Ha! Looking forward to it!
NWmoon wrote:
<quoted text>Exactly. I had a bf living with me years back who was a total flake about money, I didn't ask for a joint account with him, just was RIGHT THERE when he got his check to get his share of rent and utilities. I wouldn't have wanted him to be able to access my money.(he had no bank account at all)
We ever do get a chance to share a drink and some jabber I've got a great story or three to tell you...

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