“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Feb 16, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years. I trust him with my whole heart. He is the sweetest man I know. Lately, I have been wanting to know more about his brother. My husband hasn't said much about him other than he was murdered in prison about 10 years ago.

I'm not saying that he and his family are lying, but I did some research on the Web and came across multiple websites about my husband's brother. Yes, he was in prison, but I'm not sure he was actually murdered there. Some details are better left unsaid.

I know, of course, that you can't believe everything you read on the Internet, but there is more than one Google page with a lot of information.

I want to talk to my husband and find out what really happened and try to get to know his brother, but I'm scared he will get angry and even shut me out, and I don't want that to happen. Please give me some advice on what to do. I just want some straight answers -- no more sweeping it under the carpet.-- IN THE DARK IN OHIO

DEAR IN THE DARK: There is always a risk when someone goes poking around the family closet and starts rattling the skeletons. I suggest you be frank with your husband. Tell him you were curious about his brother, went on the Internet, found some surprising information and would like some honest answers. If you trust him with your whole heart, then his response will tell you all you need to know.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow with five daughters. The youngest is 8, and the others are in their late teens and early 20s. I am self-employed, work from home and very involved in my kids' lives.

I have a boyfriend I have been seeing for the last 18 months. I spend the night with him two or three times a month, which involves less than a 24-hour stay.

I would like to have an extended weekend or a short vacation with him, but he is balking. He says I shouldn't be away from my baby that long. He grew up with a very distant mother and had an unhappy childhood. My daughter spends a lot of time with me, but still enjoys her "sister time."

How can I get him to realize that my being away for a few days would recharge me and make me a better mom?-- BADLY IN NEED OF A BREAK

DEAR BADLY IN NEED: If you haven't already pointed out to this man that his childhood was far different than the one you have provided for your children, then you should.

I am somewhat concerned that he is giving you parenting advice, since nowhere in your letter did you mention that he has any children. It occurs to me that he may have his own reasons for not spending more time with you than he does, and if I'm right, you need to get to the bottom of what they are -- because I don't think he's giving you the whole story.

DEAR ABBY: My husband goes into a tirade if anyone has a taste of food or a bread roll before a meal is properly served. He goes off on everyone -- even a child who has had to wait because the meal is late or they just love light rolls.

We have great respect for your answers. He threatened to write you, so I called his bluff. What do you think about this?-- LOSING MY APPETITE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOSING: I think your husband appears to be excessively controlling. For him to expect hungry people to sit at a table with food and not partake of it is unrealistic, unless it's a formal dinner party. Children should be taught proper table manners, but to force a hungry child to sit at a table with bread on it for fear of a tirade is, in my opinion, abusive.

People sometimes overreact the way your husband does because they have low blood sugar. Could this be his problem?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Feb 16, 2014
1- "Trust me, Logan. You go down this road, you won't like where it leads."
But you should have this talk with your husband, not Abby.

2- You're his booty call

3- Low blood sugar isn't his problem, he's an @zzhole. The point of rolls is to have something to munch on until the dinner comes. Next time he goes off on his "tirade," shove a roll in his mouth and tell him to fkoff
Cass

Claremont, CA

#3 Feb 16, 2014
LW1 - Too big a can of worms.

LW2 - Yep, you are his booty call. Or at least he is not in the same place in your relationship as you are.

LW3 - Why does it take so long to serve a meal? In any case, your husband seems to have a particular temper trigger. Can he calmly and politely discourage people, including kids, grabbing food of the table before everybody sits down? Does he have to go off on people in anger? It's the going off that's a problem, not the principle, IMHO.
Professional Drunk Driver

Cantonment, FL

#4 Feb 16, 2014
I don't ordinarily do this to strangers, but if I see any of you on the road today, I will run you into a ditch.

Abby is DEAD. She was stupid and bossy when she was alive. Somebody should put a stake in her heart. Unless she was cremated. Then they should take those ashes, mix with some Quikrete, and set a damn mailbox post with it.
pde

Bothell, WA

#5 Feb 16, 2014
LW1: I assume that the brother still somehow died in prison. I'm going to suspect that if there's actually a bunch of online information about how he died, that means that there was some controversy surrounding his death. Why does it really matter to you that the family has chosen to regard his death as murder? If he was shot by a guard or something during some sort of unrest, I think it's perfectly possible for the family to regard it as murder and the state to regard it as a guard performing his duties. You're not going to change their minds, if that is the conclusion they have reached.

LW3: bread and other such foods are often put on a table to whet the appetite before the full meal is served/to be snacked on while the full meal is being served. Your husband is a controlling jerk who likes to involve others in his temper tantrums.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#6 Feb 16, 2014
LW2: "I would like to have an extended weekend or a short vacation with him, but he is balking. He says I shouldn't be away from my baby that long."
OMG, R. O. F. L. M. A. O.
You are INCREDIBLY stupid. He cares about your "baby"? Yeah, right. He just doesn't want you to find out about his WIFE/other girlfriends. Jebus, lady, go to the store and buy a clue, you dumb tw*t <eyeroll>
blunt advice

Livingston, NJ

#7 Feb 16, 2014
1. He will talk about his brother when he is ready.
2. Find a guy who isn't so uncommitted. I agree he probably has another go or a wife.
3. I'm surprised he gets invited out. What a jerk.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#8 Feb 17, 2014
3: I agree that this guy is a control freak - at least in the dining room/kitchen. The only thing that bothers me here it that she doesn't say he's controlling in other aspects of their life. I wonder whether he himself was raised to believe that a person should not eat anything until the meal has started 'properly' with everyone seated, everything on the table and a prayer has been said - or whatever he thinks is "properly started." Did his parents react in a similar fashion? Was he abused and this is something that has become "hardwired" in him? I'd ask questions about his childhood and if what I'm thinking is correct, he needs to see a therapist. In fact, I'd say both the lw and her husband should so she can give her input and how it affects the family. It would help her to find out what makes her husband behave this way.

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