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1 - 19 of 19 Comments Last updated Dec 6, 2012

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Dec 4, 2012
 
DEAR AMY: I have been working off and on as a freelance consultant for a nonprofit organization. I work from a home office and take occasional meetings with clients.

Recently the organization hired a new director; I was working as a consultant on a project for the organization at the time. Soon after his arrival, the new director asked to have lunch with me. We went to a nearby restaurant to talk about possible projects for the future, etc.

At the end of the luncheon, as we were saying goodbye on the curb outside the restaurant, I reached my hand out to shake hands. Suddenly, he pulled me toward him and kissed me on the lips. I was so shocked that I said a weak goodbye and left him standing there. I completed my assignment feeling awkward and wondering if I wanted to work with him in the future.

This is not a decision I can make lightly as there are very few job opportunities in my area of expertise. I would appreciate your perspective on this situation. I wonder if he has a problem that should be reported to the board of trustees.

I also wonder if I am making too much of this.-- Kissed Consultant

DEAR KISSED: Addressing the question of whether you are making too much of this: Do your other clients kiss you on the lips after a business meeting? Does this director kiss male colleagues on the lips? I assume the answer to both questions is no.

There is a very common-sense boundary around business meetings, and it's not really that challenging or confusing to stay within the boundary. Physical contact after a business meeting should be confined to a handshake.

You should write a letter to the board of trustees. Explain in very simple language what happened, i.e., "At the end of our business lunch, when I extended my hand to shake his, Mr. Smith pulled me toward him and kissed me on the lips. I was shocked at the time, and upon reflection continue to be concerned about his conduct. In my experience consulting for this organization, I have always conducted myself professionally and until now have always been treated with respect."

If the board handles this well, you could expect to revive your business relationship and work with the organization in the future.

DEAR AMY: My daughter "Karen" is a pretty, young college grad who has taken a job in another state. She's met a number of other 20-somethings there, including a young man, "Tim," who she has a crush on.

Tim and some guy friends came to our town this past week for a ballgame, and they stayed with us. At one point I overheard Tim say that while he liked Karen very much, he wasn't physically attracted to her. I was shocked because I thought he had a crush on her!

Then I felt hurt because he wasn't physically attracted to her. My daughter is very pretty and looks a lot like her mother who, at almost 60, is still very attractive.

Should we tell our daughter? I am just worried sick about how Karen will take this news when she finds out that Tim's not physically attracted to her. Do people ever change their feelings regarding physical attractiveness?-- Sad Dad

DEAR DAD: Run. Run like the wind, far, far away from this issue, and repeat this after me as you run: "This is not my business. This is not my business."

You are way too invested in the lives of these young adults. You have no appropriate context for the comment you overheard. Please, do yourself a favor and unhear it.

DEAR AMY: "Annoyed Hockey Player" was upset by an extremely loud parent.

I recall a story where someone secretly videotaped an obnoxious dad at a Little League game who was always screaming and having fits. They sent it to the guy anonymously. He stopped this behavior once he saw what a jerk he was being and that others had noticed.-- Just Sayin'

DEAR SAYIN': Several readers have suggested surreptitious taping. At the very least, a visual record would exist that might be useful (or necessary).

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#2
Dec 4, 2012
 
1 Business as usual.

2 Give Karen the coin for a boob job, or take tim to the swamp.

3 hockey puck rehash.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#3
Dec 4, 2012
 
1 Hey, you must remember this: a kiss is just a kiss.....

2 Maybe your daughter and wife aren't really as hot as you think they are?

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#4
Dec 4, 2012
 
LW1: You should have been more assertive when the incident occurred. Rather than report it to the board and make a huge drama production about it (um, you do know that some guys sometimes have been kissed by women, even if not at work, in a similar manner and somehow they manage ... at least this guy <points to myself with my two thumbs) has ... BFD), I would not let him do that again to you and if he tries to, take control of the situation. The guys a creep.

LW2: MYOB

LW3: LOL

Since: Jan 10

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#5
Dec 4, 2012
 

Judged:

1

L1: I'd report him to the board. This guy has horrible judgment and shouldn't be in the position he's in.

I've served on a board of directors: I would want to know if someone *I* helped appoint into a leadership position was behaving this way.

L2: No, don't tell her. Butt the heck out. My goodness, she's not a delicate flower who will crumble when she can't have a boy she likes. And just because you think she's attractive doesn't mean every man on this planet is hot for her.

L3: People are wussies. Tell this guy to SHUT UP already....See More

Since: Jan 10

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#6
Dec 4, 2012
 
Saluki Rod wrote:
2 Maybe your daughter and wife aren't really as hot as you think they are?
He is so offended that some man doesn't want to bang his precious, beautiful daughter. Maybe he'd have preferred if that friend had instead said how he'd love to "tap that" or "bang that ass."

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#7
Dec 4, 2012
 
L1: Schedule another meeting with this guy on your turf. Talk to him frankly about how you enjoy your work, your professional goals and say it outright that you do not date the people you work for or with.(That's a nice way of saying you're not interested in effing him.) Take it from there.

L2: Take Amy's advice.

L3: There's a lot of people I'd like to videotape and then send it to them to show how they act.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#8
Dec 4, 2012
 

Judged:

1

2- "dear amy, I want some guy to bang my precious angel, what should I do?"

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#9
Dec 4, 2012
 
LW1: Let the board know and limit your future contact with this dude, and always with witnesses.

LW2: This is just creepy to me. Leave your adult daughter alone!

LW3: Surreptitious, smurreptitious. Just tell the guy to STFU.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#10
Dec 4, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
He is so offended that some man doesn't want to bang his precious, beautiful daughter. Maybe he'd have preferred if that friend had instead said how he'd love to "tap that" or "bang that ass."
Then he'd be writing about those young'uns with no respect for women! The nerve!
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#11
Dec 4, 2012
 
1. Go to the director first. Tell him what he did was not appropriate and made you feel uncomfortable. Make it clear it will not be tolerated again. if he is apologetic, leave it at that. If he is anything less, go to the board.

2. Holy crap. Insecure much? Is your self esteem really that tied to whether or not one guy wants to slip your daughter the ol' one-eyed trouser snake? Shut. The Frick. Up.

3. I like that idea with one addendum. The video should be accompanied by a warning that the next one goes on YouTube.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#12
Dec 4, 2012
 
The onduct makes LW uncomfortable.Since it could be construed innocently, she should make it explicit to the guy that she doesn't ike it and does not want it to happen again.

Then if it des happen and there is a sexual harrassment investigation,and someone asks her, she can say that she told him No. Otherwise he will say she invite the conduct.

So, ho could this be innocent? There is a cultural trope in America that men and women greeting or leaving each other in a business context may do a light embrace and a cheek kiss. Think about the uproar when George W did that to Condoleeza Rice on some award podium.The W's director would say that was what he intended and he missed. Not suggesting that is what happened, jst what he would say.

She eeds to say No

Since: Jan 10

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#13
Dec 4, 2012
 

Judged:

1

A kiss on the lips is never acceptable in a purely business relationship. European cultures don't do that.

Condoleezza, by the way, is so in love with Dubya that she can't see straight, and I"m fairly certain she was fine with that smooch.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#14
Dec 4, 2012
 
LW1: A co-worker did this to me once and it was frightening because it was forced and unexpected. This is NOT OK, and I don't think you're making too much of it. Definitely write that letter.

LW2: Butt out.

LW3: What Sam said.
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#16
Dec 4, 2012
 
LW2: OMG BUTT THE F OUT. Sounds like *you* want to do your daughter.

Since: Jan 10

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#17
Dec 4, 2012
 
Julie wrote:
LW2: OMG BUTT THE F OUT. Sounds like *you* want to do your daughter.
Well, duh, of course he does! She's beautiful! Who wouldn't tap that? Only a FOOL wouldn't tap that!
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#18
Dec 5, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, duh, of course he does! She's beautiful! Who wouldn't tap that? Only a FOOL wouldn't tap that!
I wish the letter writers actually the read the comments here...

Since: Jan 10

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#19
Dec 5, 2012
 
Julie wrote:
<quoted text>
I wish the letter writers actually the read the comments here...
Sometimes the LW in a carolyn hax column will show up in the comments. Sometimes, I think "I wish I'd been kinder/gentler in my response to her letter." Other times I think "You're still a frickin' idiot and haven't accepted your role in this problem."
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

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#20
Dec 6, 2012
 
Julie wrote:
<quoted text>
I wish the letter writers actually the read the comments here...
Cheryl Lavin @ Creators mines the comments for some of her rehash columns.

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