“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jan 17, 2014
DEAR ABBY: When my husband died, he didn't have a lot of possessions. He died without a will, so what little he had is now with me. My problem is my mother-in-law keeps asking that I return things she gave him.

I wouldn't mind if she has them, but she has been giving them to his children, who hated him and were rude and disrespectful. They neither called nor came to see him during his long illness. They didn't even bother to come to his funeral.

I feel they want his things only because they think they might be of some value, not out of any respect or affection. My kids showed him more respect and love than his own did, and I'd rather they have his things.

Should I be honest and tell my mother-in-law why I won't give her any more of his possessions? I just don't know what to do.-- OKLAHOMA WIDOW

DEAR WIDOW: It's sad that your stepchildren ignored their father during his illness and chose to skip his funeral. Be sure to point that out when you tell your former mother-in-law you have other plans for the items. She may not like hearing it, but once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient. And because her son died without a will, the recipient is you, his widow.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started a new job. One of the management individuals has taken a strong interest in me. He keeps doing favors for me that benefit me financially and I appreciate it.(I have never asked him to do this.)

I have always been courteous and took his gestures as a sign of kindness. But now he has started complimenting me and talking about things that go way beyond conversation. It's making me uncomfortable.

We have gone out on two friendly lunches before, and he is a genuine, kind, educated, wonderful man. He would be a great catch, but the problem is he is extremely overweight. I am emotionally attracted to him, but physically repelled. I can't wait years for him to lose the weight, but he is taking my kindness as a possible show of interest. Have you any advice that could help end his attraction, but continue the business advice he provides for me?-- IN A SPOT IN TAMPA

DEAR IN A SPOT: When the man compliments you about anything that isn't work-connected, tell him that when he does it, it makes you uncomfortable. And when he raises topics that aren't business-related, steer the conversation right back where it belongs. He may be a kind, genuine, educated, wonderful person, but if he persists, it could be considered harassment.

DEAR ABBY: I am part of a group of neighbors who often go out to dinner together. However, one woman often talks loudly on her cellphone at the dinner table, and it makes the rest of us feel uncomfortable and insignificant. It has gotten so bad we have stopped inviting her.

I feel sorry for her and wonder if I should explain the reason she's being excluded. What is the best way to handle this dilemma?-- FRIEND IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

DEAR FRIEND: If done discreetly and kindly, it might benefit the woman to know why she's no longer included. Frankly, you'd be doing her a favor because her behavior was rude.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jan 17, 2014
1 It's your stuff, so do as you like.

2 If he is treating you like a friend, then return the gesture and buy him a gym membership. You sound like if he lost the weight, then you would consider him.

3 If your friend is that clueless that she cant figure out why she is not invited anymore, she will take offense when you do tell her.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#3 Jan 17, 2014
RACE wrote:
3 If your friend is that clueless that she cant figure out why she is not invited anymore, she will take offense when you do tell her.
Has she asked why she's not invited? Has she even looked up from her phone long enough to NOTICE?
If she asks, sure, tell her. If she doesn't, let it go.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Jan 17, 2014
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Has she asked why she's not invited? Has she even looked up from her phone long enough to NOTICE?
If she asks, sure, tell her. If she doesn't, let it go.
Unless someone called her to specifically say, "hey, we're all going out and you're not invited. Nyah nyah nyah!", how would she even know that an event, to which she was not invited, even took place?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Jan 17, 2014
Because when you go out "Often" with your neighbors and suddenly "Often" dries up to "Never" Most peeps notice this kind of stuff.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Unless someone called her to specifically say, "hey, we're all going out and you're not invited. Nyah nyah nyah!", how would she even know that an event, to which she was not invited, even took place?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Jan 17, 2014
LW1: I wouldnít get into the details. Just tell her you donít want to give it away.

LW2: He has one thing on his mind. Telling him certain things make you uncomfortable, isnít going to lead to him doing the good things that you like and not the things you donít like, because heís not doing the things you like to mentor you and because he cares about your personal growth, but rather because he wants to get in your panties. If you arenít interested, then just try the cold shoulder Ö hope he gets the picture Ö if he doesnít, then tell him to stop because itís making you uncomfortable.

LW3: The problemís already been solved. Move on.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Jan 17, 2014
RACE wrote:
Because when you go out "Often" with your neighbors and suddenly "Often" dries up to "Never" Most peeps notice this kind of stuff.
<quoted text>
Perhaps its a self esteem thing, but given those circimstances, my initial assessment of the situation would be that there just have not been any outings on a while, not that there have been and I've been excluded.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#9 Jan 17, 2014
L1. Abby has it wrong.

In OK of you die without a will, and you leave a souse, at least one descendant from you and someone other than that spouse- meaning his kids, the

widow inherits 1/2 of all property acquired by joint effort during your marriage and splits the remaining property equally with the dead guy's kids.

The kids inherit everything else.

There is also a possibility that the MIL has rights to some of the property along with his kids.

This would not include life insurance, a 401(k) and things held in joint tenancy with right of survivorship- most married people own their homes this way.

It does not sound like MIL has pushed it, but it looks like she could. If she or the kids did raise a fuss, stuff that was given to MIL for the kids might not count because it was not given directly to the kids.

If you are not married to him, you get nothing. Last I heard,the status of the kids is not affected if the parents never married.

L2I know a few morbidly obese guys who are nice guys but lonely. LW needs to set boundaries, but my reaction to the letter was to feel so sad for hm. Maybe it will be a motivation for him to get a gastric bypass or lap band or something

L3 VADame nailed it.
For reall

Bluefield, WV

#10 Jan 17, 2014
VADame

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Jan 17, 2014
L1: Whether it's legal or not, I'd ignore the woman. Let her sue. I wouldn't egg her on but I wouldn't engage her either.

L2: He's suppose to be in management. This is a big no-no. Set your boundaries and stick with them. Tell him when you're uncomfortable.

L3: Why would anyone go out of their way to make sure someone knows they're being snubbed? The time for talking to this woman was before you all cut her off, not after.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#12 Jan 17, 2014
For reall wrote:
VADame
For reall from West Virginia:That name does not mean what you think it means,.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#13 Jan 17, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
For reall from West Virginia:That name does not mean what you think it means,.
Right!
Although my sister RMadillo who lives a little west of DC actually *is* a VA dame.

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