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1 - 12 of 12 Comments Last updated Feb 11, 2014

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Feb 11, 2014
 
DEAR AMY: I am a 21-year-old guy and best friends with an old buddy from high school. We used to be very close and talked about everything. We had lots of fun adventures.

He started dating a woman who was giving us a lot of headaches because she was sleeping with people in our group of friends and lying about it. He went full gusto into the relationship and ended up completely abandoning me.

I told myself to tough it out because I knew the girlfriend wouldn't last. Fast forward a few months. He apologized for tossing me to the curb and said it wouldn't happen again. We moved on. Recently though, we met a new woman, and I could tell there was a similar attraction.

This woman, however, was engaged. "Perfect," I thought, but three days later she was suddenly no longer engaged, and my friend had a new girlfriend. This was a blow.

Now we only hang out when his girlfriend is busy. I don't want to wait around for this new relationship to end. My friend also becomes somewhat of a tool around her.

Is it fair for me to feel slightly insulted, and am I being reasonable in telling him to get his act together and balance the friendship?-- Frustrated

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Many people your age struggle to make a friendship transition. It's a challenge to be expected to automatically move to the back seat as main squeezes (and later spouses and kids) assume a central role in a friend's life.

However, this transition is more easily made when both parties honor the friendship and continue to make time for each other. This is achievable, except when one person is a tool and the other is feeling judgy and wounded.

Try to communicate with him about this. But rather than expecting anything radically different from him in the future, you should now assume that this friendship is now a friendshift.

DEAR AMY: I have been married for more than 30 years. We have had a happy and content relationship, but about eight years ago I discovered my wife has been emailing an old boyfriend.

She said he got in touch with her through her work email. On her part, it seems innocent, but I find it strange that they only communicate through work email. She will send me copies of their correspondence, but I can see a relationship developing (possibly just social) over time.

She will write him quickly after something happens at home -- good or bad.

I have explained to her that he is most likely not letting his wife know they are in touch. I have also asked if she would feel comfortable if I were doing the same thing with an ex. This has led to many arguments and tension. To me, nothing good can come from this, but she says it is social and she has written nothing inappropriate, although I feel some of his statements could have a double meaning.

We agreed to ask for your opinion.-- Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Your wife has been honest about this contact with an ex, despite your suspicions and jealousy and the tension it causes in your marriage. Her choice to continue conveys a lack of respect for your sensitivities. However, ultimately you cannot control whom she is in touch with -- even if you don't like it. You can only control your reaction.

You have been monitoring this communication for eight years, and the most you discover is that your wife seems to be behaving appropriately.

I think it's possible that she is enjoying the tension this causes -- otherwise why would she show these emails to you? At some point, you need to hop off of this carousel.

Tell your wife that you don't like the way these emails make you feel, and then stop reading them.

DEAR AMY: "Disabled and Distressed" faced the madness of a fellow parent always parking in the "handicap" spot at her child's day care.

Because the school wouldn't do anything I agree that the police should be called. But please, do not call 911 over something like this -- only the nonemergency number. Emergency workers have enough to do.-- First Responder

DEAR RESPONDER: Absolutely. Thank you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#2
Feb 11, 2014
 
1- "An old buddy from high-school?" You graduated 3 or 4 years ago. And this is what happens as you each move on with your respective lives. You sound immature and petty.

2- I doubt Amy's answer would have been the same had it been a woman writing in. But dude, eight years? Is she not allowed friends? Unbunch your panties

3- Thanks, genius. And if they had enough to do, why are they caught sleeping all the time?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#3
Feb 11, 2014
 

Judged:

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1 Well, guess we know which one is the beiotch in this relationship.
Go get your own girlfriend and move on dude, like if not like TV.

2 Eight years? If you have not smelled anything after 8 years, then there is probably nothing to smell, but I did enjoy reading lamy bash your wife about not respecting you.

3 I missed that one, but yeah, the cops will put a patrol car in the lot for a couple of hours to keep everyone honest. Ha, they put one in the dunkin doughnuts near me, total comedy, cop car in the doughnut store all day!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#4
Feb 11, 2014
 
Lw1: needy poosay
Lw2: 8 years? If i was her, i would have long ago stopped bringing home the emails for to to read. Sounds like you require her to submit al correspondence to you. That woukd get old pretty quick.
Lw3: former co-worker's neighborhood association met with police town hall style several times a year. Police always told them to use 911 to report anything suspicious. Emergrncy or not.
Blunt Advice

Bayonne, NJ

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#5
Feb 11, 2014
 

Judged:

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1. I'm sure you can find some drinking buddies.
2. Exchange emails with the guy too. Heck go out for a beer with him. But yeah it does seem strange. I don't wish my ex bfs any bad luck but don't want to communicate with them on a regular basis.
3. Does she have a handicap plate or placard? If so myob. If not yeah call local police. You can even take picture of car parked and send it to them

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#6
Feb 11, 2014
 

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L1: Time to grow up, Timmy. This is why more than one friend in your life is probably a good idea. People do have other things that are important to them.

L2: Why does this suddenly bother you more to write into Amy? Weird.

L3: Probably depends upon where you live. If you live in a big city like Chicago, you should not dial 911. If you live in some sleepy suburb where nothing much happens, well then whatever.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#7
Feb 11, 2014
 

Judged:

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L1 One good thing about college is that you broaden your circle of friends.Doesn't sound like this LW did that. LW sounds clingy and overly attached. There is almost a cartoon-ish feel to the best buds relationship as LW describes it. I'm thinking LW is picturing the Big Blue and little green guy in Monsters U singing You got a friend in me, etc..

I have been reading too many tabloids. This guy sounds like he is going to whack the best friend and "real" girlfriend/fiance one day.

L2 8 years??!! Eight f'ng years and you have both seen the emails and can't find anything wrong?

You have some major insecurity issues mister.

Query> Does she like all your friends?.

L3 Technology : ostentatiously get out your cell phone and take a picture of her care and the handicap sign. Make sure she sees you doing it. Don't say a word. If she ask, just quirk an eyebrow and keep your mouth shut.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Feb 11, 2014
 
LW1: Tell your old buddy how you feel and let it go. You have other friends; play with them.

LW2: I don't get it. She's showing you that nothing's going on, yet you insist on reading all kinds of things into what *he* is saying. If she hasn't responded in kind, then why are your panties in a bunch? She's trying to show you she's trustworthy, but you just won't believe her.

Oh, you can stop worrying about what his wife knows. It's not your f*cking problem.

LW3: We have 311 for this kind of thing.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#9
Feb 11, 2014
 
LW1: Some people dump everyone else once they start dating and don't want a balanced life. He sounds like such a person, so, he is always going to be attached at the hip with whoever he is with. Accept that and proceed accordingly. Don't be so dependent in him for friendship and companionship.

LW2: hard to know, one way or the other. If they were up to something, she could easily just not show you certain emails (not the ones where he says meet at the hotel at lunch and don't wear any panties). There are also other ways to communicate, such as work phone or throw away email addresses. Either you trust her or you don't ... and you don't.
liner

Stuart, FL

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#10
Feb 11, 2014
 
L1: You're gay, aren't you?
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

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#11
Feb 11, 2014
 
1: No one in this story sounds particularly appealing or worthy.
Get new friends, preferably those that don't sleep around the circle of friends, or who drop you at every new gal.

2: IDK...I have always erred on caution and avoided communication with anyone who has previously been EXed out of my life. I just see nothing good coming from it.
When ex's tried to contact me via social media, I ignore and/or block.
It seems legit for now, but is it worth the risk? Is it worth your hubby's feelings? I think spouse feelings trump ex's.*shrug*
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#12
Feb 11, 2014
 

Judged:

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LW1: You're in love with your "old buddy." He prefers girls.
Deal.

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