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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Feb 4, 2014
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a 55-plus retirement community. We do many things together, but we also do things independently. One resident decided to form two men's clubs. One meets every week for breakfast, and the other twice a month at night. The members go to each other's homes for the evening meetings.

Abby, the man who started these clubs is chauvinistic. He made a rule that women are not allowed in their own homes when their husbands host a meeting -- "no skirts allowed." Therefore, even though the wife prepares everything for her husband's meeting, she's told to slip out of the house before anyone arrives.

My husband agrees that this is ridiculous and is considering quitting the club, but he has formed friendships with some of the men. The guys are bamboozled by the leader and tell their wives that anything said at a meeting is "confidential."

The obvious solution would be to meet at a coffee shop, but the man in charge says the homes provide a more intimate setting. My husband feels bad about it, and I don't want him to quit a group he enjoys. Any suggestions?-- GOOD LITTLE VEGAS WIFE

DEAR GOOD LITTLE WIFE: It appears the founder of the clubs has his head stuck firmly in the 1950s. And while we can't change that, I do have some suggestions.

The first is that the wives stop preparing anything and let the "bachelors" do it themselves or order takeout or deli for their meetings. The second is that the "widows" join together for an evening of fun while the men are having their meetings. Of course, nothing that happens during these ladies' evenings of fun should be shared with the husbands -- including what they did or what clubs they may have visited.

P.S. Because your husband feels bad about how the women are being treated, perhaps he should consider attending only the breakfast get-togethers and seeing those men in the evening group he has bonded with independently.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend loses her keys, wallet, credit cards or iPad every day. I have suggested ways to avoid losing her keys. For example -- always use the same pocket in her purse or put them in a bowl by the door. She doesn't do it. I think it is to spite me.

She has now become resentful that I have become impatient about it. I'm frustrated because this is something that can easily be fixed, and I'm tired of searching for 20 minutes for whatever she has misplaced. What can I do?-- BEYOND FRUSTRATED IN L.A.

DEAR BEYOND FRUSTRATED: The first thing you should do is understand that your girlfriend isn't doing this to upset you, and it's possible that she becomes as upset as you do when it happens. While I agree that part of the problem is that she's disorganized, it could also be that her thinking is scattered. When she puts something down, she isn't fully in the moment. Her thoughts may be on something else.

Frankly, there isn't anything you can do about it. If there is a solution to your girlfriend's problem, it's that she should slow down and think about exactly what she's doing when she's doing it, which is sometimes easier said than done.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#2 Feb 4, 2014
1- Wah wah wah, I feel so left out. Let the boys have their fun.

2- How big is your place and in how many places can it be that it takes you 20 minutes to find the iPad?

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#3 Feb 4, 2014
1) Told that I must leave my own home? By someone who isn't even a resident of that home? By someone who *is* a resident of that home? No. Full stop.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Feb 4, 2014
1 WTF men's club? What do they do at these "Meetings"? I cant imagine going to hang out with a bunch of guys 3 times a month, unless were watching a game of something.

I just hope I dont get creepy like that when I get old...

2 Quit looking, go wait in the car or on the crapper. Tell her to give a shout when she gets her sheit together.

3 I agree

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#5 Feb 4, 2014
LW1 -#1 Why are you preparing anything for a party you aren't invited to?#2 Why are you leaving your own home on the orders of a mysoginist? Refuse to leave your own home. Hang out in the same room that they are having their party. Wear your hair in curlers and wear your worst bathrobe. Eat really crunchy stuff while you are sitting as close as possible to the jerk. Ignore any requests for you to leave and become even more obnoxious with each request. Get the other wives on board to do the same thing.
LW2 - Is your girlfriend an adult? If so, stop looking for things for her. When she has to find things by herself she might start thinking.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Feb 4, 2014
Yeah right! Next you'll be saying he can do his own laundry and help with the dishes...
Shari23 wrote:
LW1 -#1 Why are you preparing anything for a party you aren't invited to?#2 Why are you leaving your own home on the orders of a mysoginist? Refuse to leave your own home. Hang out in the same room that they are having their party. Wear your hair in curlers and wear your worst bathrobe. Eat really crunchy stuff while you are sitting as close as possible to the jerk. Ignore any requests for you to leave and become even more obnoxious with each request. Get the other wives on board to do the same thing.
.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Feb 4, 2014
LW1: While I agree the men sound childish, there is nothing wrong with regular guysí nights out, which necessarily do not involve SOs.
While these rules sound chauvinistic as they are explained by the LW, they are run of the mill.

First rule of guysí night out: Anything that happens on a guysí night out and that could get one of the guys in trouble that is not to be discussed or texted about outside of said confines.

Second rule of guysí night out: No SOs. They donít have to slip out before anyone arrives, but they can't stay.

I have no problems with the same rules for girlsí night out.

Your husband sounds like a pussay whipped mo foe r who lets you keep his nads in your purse.

LW2: LMAO. Thatís a TOTAL woman thing. What bothers me even more is when she uses my car and I canít find my keys because there is some mechanism inbred into women that often times prevents them from keeping objects that are regularly used in the same general vicinity.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#8 Feb 4, 2014
My problem with this, is that it's not a night OUT, it's a night IN! Yeah, you go out with the guys to a sports bar or pool hall ok, but they're going to each other's condo's. What are they doing there? It's either porn or gay sex, with maybe a couple of midgets on the side.
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: While I agree the men sound childish, there is nothing wrong with regular guysí nights out, which necessarily do not involve SOs.
While these rules sound chauvinistic as they are explained by the LW, they are run of the mill.
First rule of guysí night out: Anything that happens on a guysí night out and that could get one of the guys in trouble that is not to be discussed or texted about outside of said confines.
Second rule of guysí night out: No SOs. They donít have to slip out before anyone arrives, but they can't stay.
I have no problems with the same rules for girlsí night out.
Your husband sounds like a pussay whipped mo foe r who lets you keep his nads in your purse.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Feb 4, 2014
RACE wrote:
My problem with this, is that it's not a night OUT, it's a night IN! Yeah, you go out with the guys to a sports bar or pool hall ok, but they're going to each other's condo's. What are they doing there? It's either porn or gay sex, with maybe a couple of midgets on the side.
<quoted text>
Playing cards? Having a couple of drinks? Nice dinner or BBQing?

Maybe when you are that age, live in a retirement community, and are on a fixed income, itís just a nice cheap way to get out of the house, get together with the guys, and have some time apart from your spouse.

Twice a month seems a bit much, but when every day is a vacation day, I imagine as pedestrian as it sounds, it is something some might look forward to.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#10 Feb 4, 2014
RACE wrote:
My problem with this, is that it's not a night OUT, it's a night IN! Yeah, you go out with the guys to a sports bar or pool hall ok, but they're going to each other's condo's. What are they doing there? It's either porn or gay sex, with maybe a couple of midgets on the side.
<quoted text>
Likely poker night. They don't need their wives hanging around. They can go find their own thing to do one night a week. In not seeing a problem here.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 Feb 4, 2014
LW1: Your husband needs to practice what he preaches. If he doesn't like how this guy is acting, then he needs to quit. I bet if he does, others will.

Then he can start his own group where they can wear skirts if they want to.

LW2: Stop getting pulled into the drama. Maybe leave her azz a couple of times when she can't find her phone and you're late for work. Right now she has no consequences to her actions, give her a few.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Feb 4, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
LW2: LMAO. Thatís a TOTAL woman thing. What bothers me even more is when she uses my car and I canít find my keys because there is some mechanism inbred into women that often times prevents them from keeping objects that are regularly used in the same general vicinity.
And this is total BS. My husband is one who can't find his phone, lost one of the car keys (with the little clicker so it'll cost like $200 to get replaced), has lost at least two watches and constantly misplaces all kinds of things.

I put my keys in the same two places every.single.night. I remember where I put the bills. I have only lost one pair of earrings in the last 10 years.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#13 Feb 4, 2014
Calling it "Meeting" night, does not sound like any of those things.
Wouldn't you call it "Card" night? And no, not BBQ because the wife has to make the food before she leaves.
I am sticking with something nefarious, not pedestrian.
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
Playing cards? Having a couple of drinks? Nice dinner or BBQing?
Maybe when you are that age, live in a retirement community, and are on a fixed income, itís just a nice cheap way to get out of the house, get together with the guys, and have some time apart from your spouse.
Twice a month seems a bit much, but when every day is a vacation day, I imagine as pedestrian as it sounds, it is something some might look forward to.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#14 Feb 4, 2014
Then why isn't it called "Poker Night"?
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Likely poker night. They don't need their wives hanging around. They can go find their own thing to do one night a week. In not seeing a problem here.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Feb 4, 2014
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
And this is total BS. My husband is one who can't find his phone, lost one of the car keys (with the little clicker so it'll cost like $200 to get replaced), has lost at least two watches and constantly misplaces all kinds of things.
I put my keys in the same two places every.single.night. I remember where I put the bills. I have only lost one pair of earrings in the last 10 years.
I think you are an exception. My wife loses stuff all the time. My mom was the same way.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#16 Feb 4, 2014
RACE wrote:
Calling it "Meeting" night, does not sound like any of those things.
Wouldn't you call it "Card" night? And no, not BBQ because the wife has to make the food before she leaves.
I am sticking with something nefarious, not pedestrian.
<quoted text>
That's the LW who calls them "meeting" night. Its kind of like how my grandma calls my guy friends my "boy friends." <cringe>

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#17 Feb 4, 2014
RACE wrote:
Yeah right! Next you'll be saying he can do his own laundry and help with the dishes...
<quoted text>
You betcha! Now get out of my head.
pde

Bothell, WA

#18 Feb 4, 2014
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
And this is total BS. My husband is one who can't find his phone, lost one of the car keys (with the little clicker so it'll cost like $200 to get replaced), has lost at least two watches and constantly misplaces all kinds of things.
I put my keys in the same two places every.single.night. I remember where I put the bills. I have only lost one pair of earrings in the last 10 years.
I am constantly having to locate things my husband misplaces. He claims to have a "place" for everything, but that place changes on a daily basis. He also can never remember the new place.

We just moved, and my husband supposedly packed up all the things he didn't want to lose in one box that we moved in the car with us to the new house, and he put that box in a "safe place". Guess what is lost? That box.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#19 Feb 4, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I think you are an exception. My wife loses stuff all the time. My mom was the same way.
Nope. Male boss loses stuff all the time. His wife even complains about it. He does it in the office, too.

Ex husband would lose stuff all the time and when I'd find it (you just backtrack and use a bit of logic where it could be) he'd accuse me of hiding his stuff on him.(Huh? Ya, there's a reason he's an ex.)

Friend of my husband loses his keys and stuff all the time.

I don't think this is a male/female thing. I think it's a personality thing. I know some woman who lose things, too.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#20 Feb 4, 2014
L1: I would not leave my house. I wouldn't cook for them either. Get your butt over to the VFW or something. Find a table at Denny's.

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