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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Apr 24, 2014
DEAR AMY: Like many fortunate high school seniors, our daughter has a few more weeks to choose what college she'll attend.

Her choice is between two colleges. College A has offered her a full scholarship for four years, and College B is an excellent, yet expensive school.

Both are good academic choices, with B being a better all-around fit (better academic reputation, closer to home, better chance for after-school job, friends attending) for our daughter.

We can manage the cost of B, but it will take school loans (with parents co-signing) and watching expenses very closely.

My husband and I are in our early 60s, so we also are trying to save for retirement.

My parents paid for my education, but I was only allowed to go to one in-state, affordable school.

I don't want my daughter to be saddled with so much debt after she graduates, but I also want her to go to a school that she wants to attend. If we insist on the cost-free school, will she resent that?-- Worried

DEAR WORRIED: Your daughter should go to the best school she can afford. Taking on some debt for this could be a good long-term investment for her to make, but she must not mortgage her future.

If she chooses the more expensive school, she should exhaust every possible grant and scholarship she can obtain before turning to loans. She should work -- over the summer and during school.

She should choose federally backed loans, borrow the minimum and avoid the lure of private loans.

I took on debt for my college education roughly equivalent to the average $30,000 students are taking now, but the experience opened many doors and made my career possible -- through the education, experiences and confidence I gained. Graduating with debt forced me as a young graduate to plunge into the workforce to make payments. Grad school was out, and so was contemplating the color of my parachute from my childhood bedroom. It took 10 years to pay back this debt, and with every payment I was still aware of the valuable opportunity it represented.

DEAR AMY: I have a problem with my fiance's sleep habits. He insists on "snoozing" his alarm clock numerous times each morning, consistently waking me up every time. This can last for 30-40 minutes before he finally drags himself out of bed mere seconds before my own alarm goes off!

I've asked him repeatedly to set his alarm for when he actually needs to wake up.

When I need to wake up first, I only let my alarm ring the minimum, so that I can cause the least disturbance and get out of the bedroom as quickly as I can. Repeatedly waking up your bed partner is really inconsiderate, and his flat-out refusal to try to accommodate this is rude.

We have been together for nine years, but this snoozing problem only started in the last year or so.

Can you please enlighten us on bedroom etiquette?-- K

DEAR K: Your solution seems obvious. First, your guy should do everything possible to get a better night's sleep. If he doesn't actually have to get up until just before you do, then he should simply give himself more sleep time and set his alarm for the actual time he needs to rise. Perhaps you would shave a few minutes off of yours so you can rise together.

Otherwise I agree with you -- the person who needs to get up first should make an effort to let the other sleep.

DEAR AMY: The incident described by "Wine Guy" reminds me of one of my favorite jokes.

Red wine is spilled, and responses depend on whether it's a Canadian, American or Frenchman who spilled it.

The Canadian apologizes profusely. The American says, "Send me the bill!" The Frenchman says, "What a ridiculous color for a couch!"

So, if Wine Guy had called upon his inner Frenchman, he might have protected his wife from that passive-aggressive host.-- Carole

DEAR CAROLE: I know my readers in Canada are going to love this. Thank you.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#2 Apr 24, 2014
Lw1: hou should have been saving for this for the past 18 years. At this point, I would suggest the free ride.

Lw2: set your alarm for when he NEEDS to get up. Wake up to pee in the middle of the night. Then unplug his clock.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Apr 24, 2014
1 Your kid should go where the scholarships are. She can always get in debt after. To say anything else is stupid.

2 Face it, He's just not that into you anymore, and is hoping he will someday wake up and you will be gone.

3 I dont get it?

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Apr 24, 2014
LW1: It depends on how much debt you will all have to take on and what her area of study will be. Is she going into a field where she will be making the kind of money to pay her debts? Does she even know what she wants to do? If sheís like most kids, she either doesnít or it will change by the time she graduates.

Is she planning on going to graduate school? If so, it may make sense to go to the school where she got a free ride, and instead of trying to do school and work at the same time to help with costs, it maybe better just to focus on studies, get really good grades, and get into a good graduate school.

There are so many more factors to consider than are included in this letter.

LW2: I like to snooze a few times and wake up slow, myself. My wife does too. You two are not compatible in this regard, and neither one of you is more right.

LW3: LOL

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Apr 24, 2014
2. Colleges are very attuned to their "yield" meaning the percentage of kid who they accept who actually enroll. Contact College B and ask what they can do financially. If the high school college counselor has not told you this, they aren't doing their job.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#6 Apr 24, 2014
1. Allow your kid to grow up and pay her own way through whatever school she chooses. She's young and can pay the debt, you're old and need retirement. Watch Suze Ormond on this issue.

2. Separate bedrooms or send him back to live with his mommy.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#7 Apr 24, 2014
1- Have this convo with your daughter, not Amy. Frankly, I think it's foolish to turn down a full scholarship. A degree is a degree, it doesn't matter where you earn it

2- I'm a snoozer myself. Can't just pop out of bed after a deep sleep and be ready to go. So she wakes up a half hour before her alarm. Big whoop

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Apr 24, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
LW2: I like to snooze a few times and wake up slow, myself. My wife does too. You two are not compatible in this regard, and neither one of you is more right.
There is no right or wrong way to wake up. But he has another person sleeping next to him and his method is inconsiderate to her. If she had to be up at 6 and his alarm did not start going off til 6:30, this woulf not be an issue.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#9 Apr 24, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- Have this convo with your daughter, not Amy. Frankly, I think it's foolish to turn down a full scholarship. A degree is a degree, it doesn't matter where you earn it
Unfortunately, in some areas it does matter where you get the degree. Going into the hiring process let's say there are two candidates. Both have a GPA of 4.0 and all other things are equal. One went to Carl Sandburg College in Galesburg, IL and the other graduated from Harvard.

Who gets the job?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 Apr 24, 2014
L1: Let your daughter know how much you are willing to pitch in for college and stick to it. Then let her decide. Steer her to proper counselling in the matter. It's her future.

L2: I feel for you but I do the same thing on the snooze thing. While I am mostly a morning person, I need to wake up slowly.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 Apr 24, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>There is no right or wrong way to wake up. But he has another person sleeping next to him and his method is inconsiderate to her. If she had to be up at 6 and his alarm did not start going off til 6:30, this woulf not be an issue.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>There is no right or wrong way to wake up. But he has another person sleeping next to him and his method is inconsiderate to her. If she had to be up at 6 and his alarm did not start going off til 6:30, this woulf not be an issue.
I see it more as doing what the other wants is an inconvenience for each of them. Who should be inconvenienced? I will agree and say probably him, since this is a recent change in him, but for this fact, I wouldnít know.

I prefer to snooze a few times before I get up. She says he sometimes does it for 40 minutes, but is this the norm? Or is really the norm that he does it once or twice for 10 or 20 minutes, and she is just using the most extreme example to support her case (likely). If so, maybe they can agree that 40 minutes is too much, but once or twice is okay.

Iím not so stubborn that I would demand to continue to do so if my wife had a major problem with it, even if she didnít want me snoozing once or twice. My wife isnít so stubborn that she would fly off the handle with my snoozing for 15 or 20 minutes and would demand that I discontinue with the practice, too, even if she preferred to sleep until the alarm went off without any snoozing. Thatís how we are, and probably why we get along.

So I see the primary problem as them both just being too stubborn. I think a lot of time relationship problems arise because people are just too stubborn and when you get two people who are willing to let things that arenít a huge deal slide, you both just enjoy the relationship better. Thatís obviously not the case here.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Apr 24, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
2- I'm a snoozer myself. Can't just pop out of bed after a deep sleep and be ready to go. So she wakes up a half hour before her alarm. Big whoop
So her losing half hour of sleep is no big deal, but him losing half hour of snooze time is not?

My but aren't you considerate.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#13 Apr 24, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>So her losing half hour of sleep is no big deal, but him losing half hour of snooze time is not?
My but aren't you considerate.
I agree with you and I'm a constant snooze buttoner. They either have to sleep in separate rooms or he has to cut down to one snooze.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#14 Apr 24, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>There is no right or wrong way to wake up. But he has another person sleeping next to him and his method is inconsiderate to her. If she had to be up at 6 and his alarm did not start going off til 6:30, this woulf not be an issue.
That's me & Keith to a T! I'm a snoozer and he's an early-bird -- but he also is up and out of bed (& actually ready to leave the house) by the time I hit the snooze the first time.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#15 Apr 24, 2014
LW1- unless she is deciding between Podunk Community College and Princeton, I think the reasons that LW gave for being the better school are crap. College is about expanding your horizons and making new friends. There are lots of job opportunities on campus for students, even if the school is not in the middle of a big city.

I would encourage her to go to school A, but tell her that it is ultimately her decision and she will be responsible to help pay for at least part of the difference if she chooses school B.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#16 Apr 24, 2014
LW1: It's really had to advise someone to turn down a full scholarship.

LW2: Maybe try getting a different alarm clock. I'm a snoozer and I use my cell phone on vibrate. He could tuck that under his pillow and then it would only bother him.

LW3: This is supposed to be funny?
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#17 Apr 24, 2014
Glance into the future for LW2: Six months later,

(a) After talking with a friend, LW2 realized that this is not the only issue
she has with him.
(b) LW2 talked to him and found out that she does some things that annoy him, too. Therefore, on nights that she needs to rest continuously she chose to sleep in another room (after their time together, of course)
or
(c) other

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#18 Apr 24, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Unfortunately, in some areas it does matter where you get the degree. Going into the hiring process let's say there are two candidates. Both have a GPA of 4.0 and all other things are equal. One went to Carl Sandburg College in Galesburg, IL and the other graduated from Harvard.
Who gets the job?
Who isn't straddled wirth student loans?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#19 Apr 24, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>So her losing half hour of sleep is no big deal, but him losing half hour of snooze time is not?
My but aren't you considerate.
So he should change his sleeping habits to accommodate HER?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#20 Apr 24, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
So he should change his sleeping habits to accommodate HER?
i didn't offer a solution. Just commented on how dismissive you were of her.

I am a snoozer. But given the choice of the lesser of 2 evils, i'd much rather give up snoozing than lose 30 minutes of sleep.

Squishy offered an option. A less noisy alarm. Something that would only wake him.

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