Comments
21 - 40 of 60 Comments Last updated Nov 3, 2012
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#21 Nov 2, 2012
Renee J wrote:
LW2- I don't think she gained 70 pounds. If she did, her clothes would not be ill fitting - she wouldn't be able to get them on. I bet she gained maybe 20 pounds and the dad is overestimating. Unless she's been hitting the weights and gained a lot of muscle.
And if dad is one of those whose perception is that "you're vastly overweight if you're not what I think is ideally slender" and what she's gained still falls within quite normal for her age and body, all dad is going to do is drive a wedge into their relationship. I find it notable that mom told him to keep out of the situation.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#22 Nov 2, 2012
1. You pathetic, sackless wonder. I wish Lady A and Lady B would meet at Crotch C and pummel it into oblivion. Please tell me you have not yet reproduced.

2. So I guess there are no mirrors where you live, so she has never had a chance to notice whatever weight gain she has experienced? BTW, unless her wardrobe consisted entirely of sweats and mumus, 70 lbs. would not make her clothes fit more tightly, it would make them not fit at all. You're exaggerating, and her weight is her problem.

3. Absolutely positively could not care less about anything in the entire world than this.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#23 Nov 2, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Excellent point.
No it's not! You guys are hung up on a pointless issue.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#24 Nov 2, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I stand by what I said. She's not a child. She's fully aware that she's overweight. Hearing about it from dad is not going to be helpful. It will come across as nagging.
So if your son suddenly gained 100 pounds, or LOST a hundred pounds, you wouldn't ask what's going on? You would just MYOB?
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#25 Nov 2, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
No it's not! You guys are hung up on a pointless issue.
You mean that everything else the dad mentions indicates that his perception on how much weight she's gained appears to be completely skewed?

She's an adult, he should stay out. He also may be verging on creeper, he should *really* stay out. Mom told him to stay out too.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#26 Nov 2, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
So if your son suddenly gained 100 pounds, or LOST a hundred pounds, you wouldn't ask what's going on? You would just MYOB?
Is he an adult? Yup.
I place it in the context of my own life. If my dad or mom got on me about being too fat, I would tune them out.

Here's one that's not health related. My garage is a mess. And it seems to bother my dad more than me. And he's brought it up on more than one occassion. "why don't you clean it? When are you gonna clean it? Blah blah blah"

I knew it was a mess before he pointed it out to me, so its not like he's breaking the news to me. I want to clean it out. But its not a priority to me right now. Him nagging me about it is not going to get me to make it a priority any faster. It will become a priority when *I* make it a priority.

Maybe listening to people nag you and point out your failings are a motivating factor to you, but to me, its just a signal to tune people out.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#27 Nov 2, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
So if your son suddenly gained 100 pounds, or LOST a hundred pounds, you wouldn't ask what's going on? You would just MYOB?
If he's an adult at that point, yes.

In fact, I'd expect that if he was an adult and I got after him about something like this, he'd tell me to mind my own business. If either of my parents were graceless enough to go after me on something like this as an adult, the only thing they'd get from me would be a statement to get the heck out of my business.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#28 Nov 2, 2012
I assume the dad's comment about the clothes didn't really mean that she's wearing the original clothes from "70" pounds ago, only that her clothes buying hasn't kept up with the weight gain.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#29 Nov 2, 2012
Sam I Am wrote:
1. You pathetic, sackless wonder. I wish Lady A and Lady B would meet at Crotch C and pummel it into oblivion. Please tell me you have not yet reproduced.
Heh. "Crotch C."

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#30 Nov 2, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
No it's not! You guys are hung up on a pointless issue.
No. It's not pointless to say that a 70-lb weight gain would mean her clothes would not fit vs. be snug. Which means that dad is wrong, in whatever way, about her gaining 70 lbs.

If she did gain a significant amount of weight, I do think her parents should be concerned no matter how old she is because she's their kid and they love her. But Renee pointed out that the weight gain is likely much less significant than the letter states.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#31 Nov 2, 2012
At most, if the weight gain really is substantial, I think the parents have every right to say "You've put on weight, and we love you and think you're beautiful no matter what, but we think there may be a medical reason behind it, like thyroid issues. We'd like for you to get checked out to make sure there isn't a serious, underlying issue that can be addressed."

But mostly, I just think she's a busy college student and working and dating, and she lives on fast food and convenience food and doesn't have much time for the gym. And if that's the case, It hink the parents should keep their mouths shut.
Sam I Am

Cedar Grove, TN

#32 Nov 2, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
No it's not! You guys are hung up on a pointless issue.
Just because you don't get it doesn't mean it's pointless. In fact, I would say quite the opposite.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#33 Nov 2, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Is he an adult? Yup.
I place it in the context of my own life. If my dad or mom got on me about being too fat, I would tune them out.
Here's one that's not health related. My garage is a mess. And it seems to bother my dad more than me. And he's brought it up on more than one occassion. "why don't you clean it? When are you gonna clean it? Blah blah blah"
I knew it was a mess before he pointed it out to me, so its not like he's breaking the news to me. I want to clean it out. But its not a priority to me right now. Him nagging me about it is not going to get me to make it a priority any faster. It will become a priority when *I* make it a priority.
Maybe listening to people nag you and point out your failings are a motivating factor to you, but to me, its just a signal to tune people out.
I think there's a way to speak to someone about your concerns without nagging, judging, etc. If you're not doing those things, you certainly wouldn't tell them they are fat and you certainly would not say it's any kind of failing b/c a medical condition is not a "failure" and there's no way to be sure what caused such a weight gain.

It's called tact. You say it with tact.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#34 Nov 2, 2012
LW1: What Tonka, RWG, and jmw said. You know better than this. Don't turn your life into a soap opera.

LW2: I'm with Tonka on this one, too. Expressing your concern about your daughter's weight gain is unlikely to motivate her to lose weight and likely to upset her. She knows she's fat and will deal with it in her own way and time.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#35 Nov 2, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
It's called tact. You say it with tact.
Even if you say it with tact, it doesn't mean the other adult any any requirement to listen to you or respond to you in a positive manner.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#36 Nov 2, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Even if you say it with tact, it doesn't mean the other adult any any requirement to listen to you or respond to you in a positive manner.
It's true. If you were concerned for your child's health (no matter the age), wouldn't you say something? They have every right to ignore you when they are an adult, but wouldn't you try?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#37 Nov 2, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
It's true. If you were concerned for your child's health (no matter the age), wouldn't you say something? They have every right to ignore you when they are an adult, but wouldn't you try?
I can't say that a 70 lb weight gain would have me worrying about someone's health. I'd be more concerned about their appearance. Come back with your health question when she hits 220.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#38 Nov 2, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
No. It's not pointless to say that a 70-lb weight gain would mean her clothes would not fit vs. be snug. Which means that dad is wrong, in whatever way, about her gaining 70 lbs.
If she did gain a significant amount of weight, I do think her parents should be concerned no matter how old she is because she's their kid and they love her. But Renee pointed out that the weight gain is likely much less significant than the letter states.
What's it matter if she's 70 pounds overweight or 35? THAT'S NOT THE POINT. The point is, she's put on weight and her parents are concerned about it.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#39 Nov 2, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
It's true. If you were concerned for your child's health (no matter the age), wouldn't you say something? They have every right to ignore you when they are an adult, but wouldn't you try?
No, not regarding weight and other similar issues that may or may not have health links. Because my MIL does this (and she's tactful), yet has ruined multiple relationships with it. No matter how tactfully you say it, there are certain things which are obvious to everyone and expressing concern, no matter how tactfully done, is nothing more than being an intrusive busy-body.

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#40 Nov 2, 2012
PEllen wrote:
1.Give him props for not having said anything thus far and not having acted on his feelings towards Lady B. You can't always help how you feel, but you do have control over how you act.
This. And he's not even saying anything about his wife, just asking about talking to Lady B, which is really telling to me. It tells me he doesn't care about his wife's feelings. If this were my husband, I'd want to know so I could let him go. I don't want to be married to someone who's pining away for someone else and thinking of me as the obstacle to what he really wants. No way. I love hubby dearly, but I don't want to be married to him if he wants someone else and feels the way for someone else that he should feel for me, his wife. LW's wife deserves better than what he's giving her now.

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