“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Jan 14, 2014
DEAR AMY: I reconnected with a friend from high school after 40 years. We started a romantic, virtual courtship through phone calls, e-mails and cards over several months. We live in different states. We became engaged in December 2012, but I have some major concerns. Apart from the long-distance relationship and my serious issues with relocating at some point in the near future, he recently told me he has run out of money and hasn't paid taxes in more than a year.

He recently bought a beautiful home for us that needs major renovations. He made a large down payment on this house and is remodeling it himself. He is 60 years old and has no savings whatsoever. He is a self-employed attorney. He recently visited me and confessed that he now has a medical condition that is causing severe joint and muscle pain.

He has lost all interest in sex, so our relationship has become purely platonic. I am a vital 59-year-old attractive woman who enjoys sex immensely. When I asked him what's going on in the bedroom, he said he doesn't feel like being sexual.

I am a successful consultant who owns my business and my own home. I have always had healthy sexual relationships. I feel isolated and lonely most weekends and am leaning toward breaking off the engagement.

Six months ago I was excited about our future. Now all I see is a relationship that could have serious implications. Am I being too unrealistic to expect my partner to be financially stable and want to have sex with me, especially when we only see each other every six to eight weeks?-- Long-distance Dilemma

DEAR DILEMMA: You sound very self-actualized, so it is strange that you would override good sense and become engaged to someone in another state. You also sound somewhat surprised to be in a relationship that has "serious implications."

Every relationship has serious implications. Marriage is the ultimate serious implication, and ideally in a marriage spouses accept the "for better and for worse" aspect of the relationship.

You have every right to want what you want, and now that you know what a challenge this man presents to you, you should break off the engagement -- to spare yourself and also before he sinks even more cash and sweat equity into a future with you.

DEAR AMY: Tonight when I went into my college-student daughter's room she turned away from me very quickly. When I confronted her, she finally showed me that she had received a heart-shaped diamond necklace from her boyfriend of one month.

We are very close, and I can't imagine why she hid it from me.

I am more than a little hurt that she felt the need to hide this gift.

I thought I would always share in her joy. She said she was embarrassed but doesn't know why. I hate this stage of parenting more than any other one -- it is really painful.

What should we do?-- Loving Mom

DEAR MOM: The reason your daughter hid this necklace from you is because she is embarrassed by it. And the reason she is embarrassed is because it is too much, too soon. The reason she is not sharing her joy with you is because she is not necessarily joyful -- she is confused. Rather than mourn your daughter's choice to keep something private from you while she figures out what it means, you should realize that this is not about you or your relationship to her. This is about her and her relationship with this boyfriend.

You should broach these situations by being open and encouraging her to talk about herself and her own life without acting threatened. This will help to keep you close.

DEAR AMY: The woman who signed her letter "Not Good Enough?" just doesn't get it. No man will propose marriage to a woman he has already lived with for four years.

Remember that saying: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"? That applies here.-- Wiser

DEAR WISER: I hate that saying, even if it is true.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Jan 14, 2014
1- Whorecon 3

2- She's engaged

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Jan 14, 2014
1 You are awfully concerned about sex. You mentioned it like 4 times

2 Land the helicopter,!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Jan 14, 2014
1. You are roughly 58 and apparently successful. Think with your brains. This guy had the choice of paying his taxes or making a down payment on a house. You have money. He wants yours.

Get a background check on him That will give you an objective reason not to move in with him.

2. Daughter is beginning to do something she should have started at age 2 which is to separate from the mother. Mother is not going to deal with this well. Race has nailed it.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#5 Jan 14, 2014

Who has a Q of the Day?

Salinas, CA

#6 Jan 14, 2014
LW1: Why would you seriously consider marrying a man in another state who is completely broke, works sporadically, has major health problems, and can't perform in the bedroom?

LW2: Team Amy and PEllen.

LW3: I hate the cow/milk expression, too, and I have friends who married after living together for more than 4 years. Now whether or not it will work out that way for original LW, who knows?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#7 Jan 14, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
Who has a Q of the Day?
Does this dress make me look fat?

Salinas, CA

#8 Jan 14, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Does this dress make me look fat?
No, but it doesn't match your shoes and bag.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#9 Jan 14, 2014
LW1: I canít believe you would get engaged under those circumstances. Itís incredibly stupid and juvenile.

If you arenít happy now, itís not going to get any better. You two are not compatible on a number of fundamental levels.

LW2: She doesn't have to tell you everything. You seem really overbearing. Back off a bit.

LW3: I disagree. Not every man is like that.
Blunt Advice

New York, NY

#10 Jan 14, 2014
1. Hon, lawyers aren't broke or in default on their taxes. And they can't do construction with joint and muscle problems. And no one has a bridge in Brooklyn for sale either. You are too gullible. I hope your customers are more honest than your computer boyfriends.
2. Tell her if she's not nice to you then richie rich boyfriend can pay her tuition. Seriously, wasn't she 13 several years back? And you are sensitive about her not being open with you?
3. Original LW wanted to get married, live in bf didn't. If you want to get married find a frigging man who does also.


“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Jan 14, 2014
L1: This doesn't even sound real. She's a successful consultant and can't figure this out? Don't consultants basically gather pertinent information, analyze it and give advice?

L2: It's not all about you.

L3: I know a few people who married after living together for years. I also know people who didn't.

Why buy the pig when the sausage is free?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Jan 14, 2014
LW1: Break off the engagement, like yesterday.

LW2: Bleck. I hate it when I agree with Amy.

LW3: F*ck you. No one married YOU after living with you for four years because you're a f*cking judgemental b!tch.

Your experience is not a universal rule.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#13 Jan 14, 2014
Toj wrote:
Why buy the pig when the sausage is free?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#14 Jan 14, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
No, but it doesn't match your shoes and bag.
Thanks. I need new pumps and a bag anyway

Chicago, IL

#15 Jan 14, 2014
LWI: Dump this loser now. Obviously the medical problem isn't his fault, but the rest of his problems are the result of what sounds like a lifetime of bad decisions.

He wants you to be his sugar mommy, except you won't even get sex out of the deal. Did you notice you don't say one single positive thing about him in your letter?

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