Seeking Special Judge Commissions
Posted in the Charlotte Forum
#1 Sep 20, 2012
Howdy my dear constituants. Judge Fritz Mercer here, your favorite Soviet style show judge. If you want a fixed verdick in your courthouse all cut and dried but giving to the rabble of the county the fear of God and the appearance of ligitimasy, have Jonny Smith at the Admenstruative Offices of the Courts in Ralegh send me to the troubled courthouse I will clean it out and return it to its better days of politics and show trials, Stalinist Style. This is serous bidness I am not a house of cards but a farce to be contended with.
Herewit, find one of my favorite triles reguarding the follering seditous poem and the adjuticated criminel Alice:
'They told me you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him:
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone
(We know it to be true):
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?
I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.
If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair,
He trusts to you to set them free,
Exactly as we were.
My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.
Don't let him know she liked them best,
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.'
'That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,' said Judge Fritz, rubbing his hands; 'so now let the jury -'
'If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice,(she had grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting him,)'I'll give him sixpence. I don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it.'
The jury all wrote down on their slates,'she doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
'If there's no meaning in it,' said Judge Fritz,'that saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them with one eye; 'I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. " - said I could not swim - " you can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the Knave.
The Knave shook his head sadly.'Do I look like it?' he said.(Which he certainly did not, being made entirely of cardboard.)
'All right, so far,' said Judge Fritz, and he went on muttering over the verses to himself:'"We know it to be true - " that's the jury, of course - "I gave her one, they gave him two - " why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you know -'
'But, it goes on "They all returned from him to you,"' said Alice.
'Why, there they are!' said Judge Fritz triumphantly, pointing to the tarts on the table.'Nothing can be clearer than that. Then again - "before she had this fit - " you never had fits, my dear, I think?' he said to the Queen.
'Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke.(The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.)
'Then the words don't fit you,' said Fat King Fritz, looking round the court with a smile. There was a dead silence.
'It's a pun!' Judge Fritz added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed,'Let the jury consider their verdict,' Judge Fritz said, for about the twentieth time that day.
'No, no!' said Queen Loopyazz.'Sentence first - verdict afterwards.'
'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly.'The idea of having the sentence first!'
'Hold your tongue!' said Judge Fritz, turning purple.
'I won't!' said Alice.
'Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved.
'Who cares for you?' said Alice,(she had grown to her full size by this time.)'You're nothing but a pack of cards!'
#2 Oct 6, 2012
An idiot posting out of Trashville. Also known as San Fransico East! LOL
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