my mother hates me, how can i change it

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heartbroken

Middlesboro, KY

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#1
Jan 3, 2009
 

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i am a grown women ,divorced with 4 kides. i will be 33 years old soon and my mother hates me, with a passion, she vents all her anger out on me. she can't stand to see me happy, she laughs when she brings me to tears and gets made if i laugh or talk on the phone, it's like she even hates to hear me breath. i've tried for years to change things but i feel in my heart that she doesn't want to like me. i am living in her house for one more month and it has been hell every since i've been here. i hate that it's like this and god forbid anything should happen to one of us and our relationship be this way. i don't know what to do i hate that my kides have to see us fight and scream every single day, i need some serious advice can anyone please tell what i can do ?
paul shykora arts

Calgary, Canada

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#2
Jan 3, 2009
 

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heartbroken wrote:
i am a grown women ,divorced with 4 kides. i will be 33 years old soon and my mother hates me, with a passion, she vents all her anger out on me. she can't stand to see me happy, she laughs when she brings me to tears and gets made if i laugh or talk on the phone, it's like she even hates to hear me breath. i've tried for years to change things but i feel in my heart that she doesn't want to like me. i am living in her house for one more month and it has been hell every since i've been here. i hate that it's like this and god forbid anything should happen to one of us and our relationship be this way. i don't know what to do i hate that my kides have to see us fight and scream every single day, i need some serious advice can anyone please tell what i can do ?
...SEEK(outside) HELP.....GOD Bless....LOV'yha.....eh....Chu rches..SOCIAL-Agencies...the good POLICE Services...etc......eh.
alisha

Ireland

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#3
Feb 2, 2009
 

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your bad so much
paul shykora arts

Calgary, Canada

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#4
Feb 2, 2009
 
....HELP -yOUS'-SELF,FIRST....eh...
dHat Pawlo

Calgary, Canada

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#5
Feb 2, 2009
 
alisha wrote:
your bad so much
...WOW...vow...Our kind of language/talk,toooooo boooooot.....GOD Bless...good eat'n....Onward.....eh...LOV'y ha Irish....eh.
prayerhelps

Los Angeles, CA

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#6
Feb 26, 2009
 

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heartbroken wrote:
i am a grown women ,divorced with 4 kides. i will be 33 years old soon and my mother hates me, with a passion, she vents all her anger out on me. she can't stand to see me happy, she laughs when she brings me to tears and gets made if i laugh or talk on the phone, it's like she even hates to hear me breath. i've tried for years to change things but i feel in my heart that she doesn't want to like me. i am living in her house for one more month and it has been hell every since i've been here. i hate that it's like this and god forbid anything should happen to one of us and our relationship be this way. i don't know what to do i hate that my kides have to see us fight and scream every single day, i need some serious advice can anyone please help me
Dear hearbroken, Your story sounds very similar to mine. I had truly forgotten my childhood, so when i landed at my mothhers house with my five year old son 13 years ago i had no idea what i was in for. I had not lived with this woman for 18 years. I had no clue. I realize now that in order to have survived all those years in my childhood and through out my teens what i did was litterally block out how she treated me and how she truly felt about me. PRAY for her!!!! You will be amazed what happens. Ask in prayer for everything that you want for yourself for her..... Christ's word says just that. It works i know because mother has changed. Had i done what gods word says when it was happening maybe things would have turned out better back then. Pray my sister in christ jesus name and he will change her heart. I am praying for you now as i realize i had no one to pray for me and what a difference it would have made. love and best wishes from prayer helps.
prayerhelps

Los Angeles, CA

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#7
Feb 26, 2009
 

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Dear Heartbroken,

Your story sounds very similar to mine. I had truly forgotten my childhood, so that when i landed at my mothers house with my five year old son 13 years ago i had no idea what i was in for. I had not lived with this woman for 18 years, i had no clue. I realize now that in order to have survived all those years of my childhood and through out my teens what i did was litterally block out how she treated me and how she truly felt about me. What pleasure she found in hurting me any way she could. PRAY for her!!! You will be amazed what happens. Ask in prayer for everthing that you want for yourself for her....Christ's word says pray for your enemies. I know it works because my mother has changed. Had i done what gods word says when it was happening maybe things would have turned out better back then. Pray my sister in christ jesus name and he will change her heart. I am praying for you now as i realize i had no one to pray for me, and what a difference it would have made. Love and best wishes from prayer helps.
Winnywho

Thompson, Canada

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#8
Apr 10, 2009
 
I am supposing that you have a lot of things to organize before your move in a month's time. I also imagine that some of these children are in school in the daytime.Start doing things you will need for your new life with your time. Find out what types of resources are available in your new neighbourhood ie Parents without Partners, activities that are free or cheap for your children, retraining prospects for yourself, counselling free through someplace like the Mennonite Central Committee. Keep lists.Help friends with their issues to a reasonable extent.Com mit yourself to a form of birth control that does not rely on an everyday practice ie use an IUD.You have all you can manage and you are young enough to still come out of this in good,comfortable shape.Don't think about the relationship between yourself and your mom while stressing her out by camping with her. You will have better footing when you are independent.It might not even seem quite as important then.You have more important things to do with a family of your own.
where is he

United States

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#9
Apr 20, 2009
 
good luck
i understand

Lexington, KY

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#10
Apr 22, 2009
 
heartbroken wrote:
i am a grown women ,divorced with 4 kides. i will be 33 years old soon and my mother hates me, with a passion, she vents all her anger out on me. she can't stand to see me happy, she laughs when she brings me to tears and gets made if i laugh or talk on the phone, it's like she even hates to hear me breath. i've tried for years to change things but i feel in my heart that she doesn't want to like me. i am living in her house for one more month and it has been hell every since i've been here. i hate that it's like this and god forbid anything should happen to one of us and our relationship be this way. i don't know what to do i hate that my kides have to see us fight and scream every single day, i need some serious advice can anyone please tell what i can do ?
I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM ASK GOD TO CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP I DO THE SAME BUT WE BOTH KNOW IT TAKES TWO TO FUSS FIGHT RIGHT? my mom hates my ways just as your mom does ways and i hate my moms . look just tr[[try
vix

Wakefield, UK

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#11
May 14, 2009
 
I think you need to leave this toxic environment for the sake of yourself and of your children and say goodbye for the time being. in the future maybe when you are re-settled maybe you can visit each other but in honesty if all you have is a constant slanging match going on then I don't think that you truly get on and that will cause you both a lot of distress. She can't blame you however for being born, she made her choices to be a mother and well our choices we live with, so I wouldn't accept that blame from her, but if she is saying things like that she is trying to really be hurtful, so there is not much going on here but hate, I honestly would move on from that overall. Think practically about and be matter a fact it will help you to be more resilient.
Capitalist

Latvia

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#12
May 15, 2009
 
Don't let your mother make you sad, angry of whatever.

Just say to her - you shall not tolerate such behaviour.

I had my mother issues.. It seemed so unlogical she wouldn't listen to me.. She became very emotional and aggressive and never wanted to try to understand my point of view (I was 22 y.o. student back then (male)). So I just said aforementioned.

Of course I won't ditch her, I will provide money if I become wealthier, however I shall not coupe with relationship, that is unhealthy for me. It was sad to realize that.
People are stupid.
They soemtimes act irrational on emotional basis.
If you leave them alone they'll understand their mistakes.
(It's like getting in an argument - you probably won't be very keen to settle everything the next day .. but if the argument was say a year ago.. noone will actually care. Emotions have already passed away.(I am not talking with heavy situations like you stabbed someone and after you come out of prison you want to amke friends :D but usual situations.. or less usual, up to the point where damage is unrecoverable))
Capitalist

Latvia

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#13
May 15, 2009
 

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As for God.. come on .. You don't even know the invisible dude in sky exists. And if God is all powerful, he would have seen it beforehand and wouldn't even let the situation occure.

So it is much better to act yourself.
Winnywho

Surprise, AZ

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#14
May 15, 2009
 
Yes, if you won't fight with people there is no fight. Sometimes just saying that you won't participate in a hurtful conversation is the best thing to do.
Capitalist wrote:
Don't let your mother make you sad, angry of whatever.
Just say to her - you shall not tolerate such behaviour.
I had my mother issues.. It seemed so unlogical she wouldn't listen to me.. She became very emotional and aggressive and never wanted to try to understand my point of view (I was 22 y.o. student back then (male)). So I just said aforementioned.
Of course I won't ditch her, I will provide money if I become wealthier, however I shall not coupe with relationship, that is unhealthy for me. It was sad to realize that.
People are stupid.
They soemtimes act irrational on emotional basis.
If you leave them alone they'll understand their mistakes.
(It's like getting in an argument - you probably won't be very keen to settle everything the next day .. but if the argument was say a year ago.. noone will actually care. Emotions have already passed away.(I am not talking with heavy situations like you stabbed someone and after you come out of prison you want to amke friends :D but usual situations.. or less usual, up to the point where damage is unrecoverable))
still angry

Scarborough, Canada

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#15
Jun 22, 2009
 

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i had and still have similar issues with my mother.WORSE NOW! It got to the point where 51/2 years ago i completly stopped talking to her &had to stop my kids from seeing her. My mother still continues with her charades and will do whatever it takes to make my life miserable. Not careing who she hurts in the process.
My advice always be the bigger person. Get yourselves some family therapy before its too late. TRUST ME!
Winnywho

Winnipeg, Canada

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#16
Jun 22, 2009
 
It can be very painful to write a toxic person who is close to you off. In the long run, especially if they would come at your children,it is the wisest thing to do. There really is no point in allowing dysfunction to infiltrate your lives.

You have a good suggestion for others and it sounds like you are a concerned parent.
still angry wrote:
i had and still have similar issues with my mother.WORSE NOW! It got to the point where 51/2 years ago i completly stopped talking to her &had to stop my kids from seeing her. My mother still continues with her charades and will do whatever it takes to make my life miserable. Not careing who she hurts in the process.
My advice always be the bigger person. Get yourselves some family therapy before its too late. TRUST ME!
Doh

Pyrmont, Australia

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#17
Jun 26, 2009
 

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heartbroken wrote:
i am a grown women ,divorced with 4 kides. i will be 33 years old soon and my mother hates me, with a passion, she vents all her anger out on me. she can't stand to see me happy, she laughs when she brings me to tears and gets made if i laugh or talk on the phone, it's like she even hates to hear me breath. i've tried for years to change things but i feel in my heart that she doesn't want to like me. i am living in her house for one more month and it has been hell every since i've been here. i hate that it's like this and god forbid anything should happen to one of us and our relationship be this way. i don't know what to do i hate that my kides have to see us fight and scream every single day, i need some serious advice can anyone please tell what i can do ?
Get away from her and DON'T look back.
It isn't healthy for you or your children to be in those surroundings.
Children learn from their elders, and these actions could stay with them a lifetime.
Meggyo

Cleveland, OH

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#18
Nov 24, 2009
 
I feel your pain sister! my mom hates me too...I have been crying for years. I have 2 kids and am divorced as well...Just love your babies. My mom will never love me. But my kids do!(sure wish i could get a hug from the old bag!)
heartbroken wrote:
i am a grown women ,divorced with 4 kides. i will be 33 years old soon and my mother hates me, with a passion, she vents all her anger out on me. she can't stand to see me happy, she laughs when she brings me to tears and gets made if i laugh or talk on the phone, it's like she even hates to hear me breath. i've tried for years to change things but i feel in my heart that she doesn't want to like me. i am living in her house for one more month and it has been hell every since i've been here. i hate that it's like this and god forbid anything should happen to one of us and our relationship be this way. i don't know what to do i hate that my kides have to see us fight and scream every single day, i need some serious advice can anyone please tell what i can do ?
Meggyo

Cleveland, OH

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#19
Nov 24, 2009
 

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Ooh! one more thing...me and my kids have lived in my mom's house since our foreclosure 4 months ago. I can't tell you the hell we're going thru..tho i think you know...it's temporary. Someone once told me " I have more love from my church family than my blood family"....but we don't attend church. plus we're temporary, here at my dear mother's....what to do? look online for support. and cry a lot? Seriously, if she would just hug me...i hug my kids all the time...why can't she hug me? It kills me really. but I am now a mom...I hug my babies. for their failures and their accomplishments...! they won't have a mother like I did. but i yearn for me as a mom...weird eh?
chan

Oakley, CA

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#20
Mar 13, 2010
 

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Its good to know that I'm not alone!!!!

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