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LBM

United States

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#408
Dec 17, 2011
 

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Dave Andrews wrote:
Have him smoke a hookah pipe. They're alot cleaner and smell better.
like the ones they have here, http://www.hookahkings.com/hookahs-2.html .
Read all of the posts since this blog was started and see if you still have the intelligence to make such a recommendation!
Rikki

El Paso, TX

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#409
Dec 22, 2011
 

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To the guy who states that "What the heck is up with women today that they think they can DICTATE how their husbands live. "

I actually told my husband that I did not want to be married to a smoker PRIOR to marrying him. I married him because he promised that he would stop smoking. Several months after we got married, I found out that I was pregnant. Again, he promised that he would stop. When our son was born premature, he quit due to Dr's orders.(A preemies lungs cannot tolerate smoke and even the lingering smell of it on clothing is harmful to them.) However, I recently found out that he has been sneaking behind my back and smoking. I don't know how long he had been lying to me about it. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant again and for the sake of both our babies (5 mths old and unborn) it is very much MY CONCERN whether he smokes or not. I certainly have the RIGHT TO DICTATE what he does when not only my health but, the health of my children is at stake.

If he doesn't cease smoking immediately, I will leave him. It is bad enough that he still does it but, to do it behind my back, when we have a 5mth old that it negatively affects and to lie about it is low. My health and the health of my family is my priority therefore, it is my right to have a say in the matter.
Johnny

Charlotte, NC

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#410
Jan 17, 2012
 
Did you know blu cigs now has an official blog?
http://www.blu.net/
Becky

Wolverhampton, UK

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#411
Jan 28, 2012
 

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I found out last night that my husband of 5 years has been hiding his smoking from me. My 19 year old daughter asked me when she went to bed if he smoked. I said 'No' but it had taken her a couple of years to pluck up the courage to tell me that she had once found them in his pocket when she heard his phone ringing and went to look for it. Poor kid she had been so worried about telling me. I decided to check his pocket, and yes, there they were! As far as I knew he had never smoked before. He knew how much I hated it as well. I stewed for about an hour then I had to confront him. He looked so ashamed and said that he was sorry and it only started when he went off work with his depression which was a couple of years ago. So far that's the only discussion we've had about it, I just need to ask a few questions and then I think after reading these posts I'll leave him to get on with whatever he wants to do, just don't smoke near me. I've got to say I was gutted when I found the pack and I'm still upset and hurt that he has lied to me. He knows I'm hurt and I believe he is sorry but I'm not going to nag him - at least I hope I don't. I love him to bits. We were at school together. I thought we knew everything about each other but it seems there is still more to learn. Good luck everyone with your partners x
Pissed Off

Ottawa, Canada

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#412
Feb 1, 2012
 

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I do feel like I'm reasonable in being angry that my husband is likewise lying to me about smoking. I watched my father die as a result of unhealthy choices and I will not live through that again. I think that if my husband has any respect for me and our child, then he would respect the fact that we should not have to suffer as a result of his selfish choices. I think that my expectation that he quit or I quit our relationship is realistic in that I will not live through that again. If he chooses to smoke over his family, then he will have to live with the consequences.
Smokersareselfis h

Chislehurst, UK

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#413
Feb 9, 2012
 
I have just watched my mum die an undignified, painful and horrendous death because she smoked. If you are a husband, dad or anyone important to someone else then give up for the people you love. Don't let them watch you gasp for breath, have poison oozing out your skin and have tubes stuck down your throat sucking out the poisonous remnants of cigarette smoking. You have a right in life to make decisions but you also have a responsibility to protect the people who love you. My mum had no time to give up in the end but I'm sure she would of to spare me from this pain.
Ps your husband shouldn't lie and get others to join a lie. What respect is he showing you as his wife? When trust goes what is left?
lesli7

Grove City, OH

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#414
Feb 11, 2012
 
A lie is a lie. Period!
Shnookie04

North Grafton, MA

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#415
Feb 11, 2012
 
The biggest problem I have with his lies is...
He sneaks them at work or on his golf vacation trips.
If we have a disagreement of any type he flips out screaming at (NIC fitting) on me as he can't go have a CIG to calm down. Why should I be the brunt of his Lack of self control all his verbal berating. He has lied and hid the cigs for 8 years. I quit 6 years ago. He says he enjoys it loves it.( obviously more than me. I am 43 he is 63 I was worried about his health but after dealing with the emotional roller coaster of how he treats me when he is not smoking I can only hope it does him in. I am done with the tears the lies the ( Totally unwarranted screaming matches) DONE! He is already Impotent and he will say "Dr. says smoking has nothing to do with it." Or "Dr. says there is no way I am having NIC fits not smoking at home." Really?? What QUACK of a Dr. or should I say Probably more lies from husband .... I don't believe a word he says the trust is gone. How do you divorce a Divorce lawyer.... I want my life back.
Kim

Gibsons, Canada

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#416
Feb 20, 2012
 
So what do I do.. My boyfriend of 3 years has quit smoking multiple times. Always lying to me about starting to begin with. and now once again he is coming home with the faint smell of smoke on his breath. He sprays himself with a gross amount of cologn before coming home to me, I am guessing it is to cover the smell as he never did this before. also chewing gum/mints CONSTANTLY also something he has never done before. Does that not all seem a bit suspicious?? I think it does.. and confronted him about it. He tells me right to my face NO I am not and will not do that to you again. I will NOT lie to you. How do I get the truth? because I KNOW he is lying, and its killing our relationship. What do I do from here? Also if he DOES ever come clean, how do I handle it from there? That just means I caught him lying AGAIN. I dont want that..
Tira

York, UK

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#417
Feb 21, 2012
 
My boyfriend was apparently a non-smoker when we met 3 years ago. I've never made massive anti-smoking statements, but I don;t smoke and wouldn't like it if he did. During our 3-year relationship, I've often queried the number of cigarette lighters he has, the smell of smoke, manky tasting breath etc. He has always given me plausible excuses - I was talking to so-and-so round the corner who smokes, the lighters are for camping, lots of people at work smoke, my breath taste of cheap coffee. He's on holiday right now and I've found empty cigarette packets in his car and in one of his bags. One of our friends also mentioned in passing that she's been smoking iwth him recently. Now I know that every time I asked him he lied. Every time we've been away together in his car, he must've emptied it of all the evidence. He spends lots of nights away from home for 'work'. I found a dodgy picture of some girl on his computer. He has condoms in one of his bags. He had plausible excuses for all of these things. Now I don't know whether to believe him. I don't know if I can trust him. He comes home from his holiday at the weekend and we will talk. But I'm afraid that I may never be able to trust him. We're half way through buying a house and I think I probably need to leave him.
Its not the smoking, its the lying. The lying about smoking makes me question everything else he has ever said to me.
mom of 2

San Diego, CA

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#418
Feb 28, 2012
 
wow... i know how you feel. 4 weeks ago i went outside to tell my husband that I was sorry for not seeing all he does (working everyday so I can stay home w/ girls,spending endless hours fixing up an old house we just bought) as his way of showing me LOVE.... while I was thanking him, and apoligizing for not appreiating all he does, I saw him hide something, i reached for it and it was a bottle he was spitting into. he's been doing it 7 months, and hiding it from me!
i told him I was a fool for trusting him AGAIN, last year I caught him smoking, and found he was doing it for a year in secrete... and before that he was looking at porn in the computer over a 6 month time frame ( he stopped, but then I found out about it)...

we are Christians, he was a youth pastor for 8 years... then he broke his back, lost his business, we left the ministry, he went w/out work 2 years, we had to sell our house, move out of state,and have been living with my family the past 7 months.

he says the only reason he stopped smoking was he knew I HATED it so when we moved he stopped... but now's he's chewing.

one bad habbit to another. thank God he is convicted enough to stay away from porn and has for the past 1 1/2 years...

he went to see a counselor w/ me two weeks ago and we talked about the habbit of chewing, and how I feel lied to blah blah blah... not very helpful, stated the obvious to us

he says he is quiting by the time we move into the new home, and has cut back considerably. the move in new home is another 5 weeks away.

i believe he will quit, and I am concernred that he will find another bad habbit to fill what ever void he has right now, but i can do nothing about that, just trust him at his word and pray him through all this.

lately he sees that I am totally broken, and hurt by it all, and he has been more encouraging than ever before to me. I think seeing my hurt is helping him see that he is causing it, and it is destroying our family.

our 5 yr old daughter has been acting out and I am having a hard time dealing with her on top of everything else

i pray now not that he quit, but that he draw so close to the Lord that he is reminded of God's great love for us because repentance comes from God, not our flesh and he's not gonna quit unless his heart changes and sin or bad habbits are a heart condition.

some people say so what he smoked, or he chewed, or saw some porn, but I say these things will cause irreversable damage to a trusting relationship.

i don't know you or your husband, but i will pray that he see the damage his habbits can cause, and pray that God draws him in to a personal relationship with Him so that his heart is changed.

I wish I could saw being a Christian means you're perfect, but obviously it's not like that. Only Christ is perfect and because of His death on the cross we can go to Heaven someday.
we encounter trials here, in order to refine us, and comfort one another. I know God is faithful, and He will work it all out for good some day, somehow.

<><
Jan

Dunedin, New Zealand

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#419
Mar 2, 2012
 
[QUOTE who Dave is it possible that it's all because you guys are pressuring your husbands so much that they need to lie to you. You have to understand, lying, in this scenario, means that he doesn't want to disappoint you. obviously he knows that it's a bad addiction which is why he'll do all this to hide it from someone he wants to impress. take the pressure off guys.[/QUOTE]
That's total BULLSHIT!!!! Excuse the language!!!! I have supported this man through thick and thin!!!!HE EVEN POSTED A LETTER to our Minister of Corrections that he had given up smoking after 43 years because our Prisons have become SMOKE FREE (he works for our Corrections Dept) so thought he would take the opportunity to give up. He is deceiving everyone - his friends, his work colleges but most of all the woman that loves him the most in the whole world. Swears that he is not smoking when I have hard evidence he is!!! I have found his hide out!!!! HELP!!! I WILL leave him!!!
hurt

Mahanoy City, PA

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#420
Mar 3, 2012
 
My husband started lying early in our marriage (about little things and ? infidelity once) that I know of and I always confronted him and ask him just to be truthful and let us talk things out. He I guess just does not understand how hurtful it is to me and our grown son how his lying affects our family. The one thing that he continues to lie about is smoking(that I know of). I have told him I would help him find a way to quit for his own health and Job security(he has lied several times about health issues).His job offers help to stop smoking but he has not ask for help and continues to tell them he doe not smoke.He has already made me mistrustful of him but I'm afraid if his employer finds out he's lying it could cost his job. Need help any good advise.
Getting over it

Roswell, NM

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#421
Mar 8, 2012
 
We decided to quit together 6 months ago.
About 2 days ago i found out that he decided to do it again and has been off and on for about two months. Then it was like everyone knew but me. Even my bestfriend. I am mad at it all. Surprised she didn't tell me and absolutely shocked he would keep it from me. I know he didnt want to disappoint me but it would have been better than his mom telling me i would have certainly been able to handle it better two months ago because i do know he was stressed.
all i can think was... wasnt hiding it from me more stressful??
bottem line it wasnt worth loosing our relationship over I just dont know how to get use to it. I dont know how to accept it again.
mom of 2

San Diego, CA

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#422
Mar 14, 2012
 
I came one this site looking for help, encouragement, instead everyone just tells their story and waits. I read your post, and just wanted to know how you were doing? I completely understand how it feels to be lied to, especially when you have evidence of the truth in your pocket so to speak.

Recently my husband told me the reason he lies to me about his habit (it used to be smoking then he quit and secretly went to chew YUCK) is two fold. He doesn't want to deal with my reactions, and he hates it when I act like his mom.

Neither of his answers are the "cause" for lying, although they are both true statements. The problem isn't really the chew, or smoking, or what ever, it's a heart issue that leads a man to lie to his wife, regardless of what the lie is about.

I have had to come to some big decisions in my (what seemed to be great marriage of 13 yrs) I have had to take a good look at myself, and figure out what things I can change in me to help make this marriage work. If I can do anything to help my husband want to be honest with me, I want to do it. I want him to succeed, not fail. Too often I focus on his mistakes.

He recently told me that when I am humble, and sincere rather than yelling or angry... that it makes him feel guilt, and shame for what he has done to our trust. those feelings lead him to want to do what's right.

it's not my fault me lies, it's his fault... BUT My reactions will either push him away, or draw him in.
worried

Frankfort, KY

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#423
Mar 16, 2012
 
I found this post because I am going through the same thing with my husband now. When we first started dating he used chewing tobacco. I have always been very against tobacco and he promised he would quite. He said that would be his last can. of course it wasn't. well finally 4 years later with the help of a Dr. and medication he was able to kick the habit. I was so excited and very proud of him. Now he has a friend that smokes and slowly started to bum cigarettes off him. Then Monday he comes home from work and told me that he had bought a pack of cigarettes. I was very angry cause I know how hard he worked to stop. He told me it would be the last pack and he would make them last a while. well Wednesday I looked in the pack and it was empty. But he totally led on like he still have a bunch. then Thursday on the ride home he told me that he had about 1/3 a pack left and he only brought 3 home to smoke that night. I know that he had to have bought a new pack. It makes me very mad cause he kept telling me that he doesn't want to smoke and was just wanting to get ride of them. I hate smoking but I really hate him lying to me. I don't know what to do.I don't want him to be mad at me or feel like i am trying to control him. but if he isn't going to quite he should stop getting my hopes up about it. We have a really great close relationship and he always stresses how much he hates lying but I feel like he is trying to deceive me. what should i do?
have been there

Phoenix, AZ

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#425
Apr 12, 2012
 
Glenda wrote:
I am going throught the same thing right now as well. My fiance said that he quit smoking and now i am pretty sure that he is lying about it. I have confronted him several times about it and each time he swears that he hasn't been smoking. He smells like smoke all the time and I already caught him lying about it once. I don't care that he smokes. Yes it bothers me but I can get over it. The lying is driving me crazy. My eX lied to me about cheating and smoking and it just reminds me of all the horrible crap that he put me through. I am not a trusting person and now that I know he is lying to my face, i am scared to marry him. There is nothing else wrong with him, just the fact that he can lie to my face and swear to God that he doesn't smoke when i find rock hard evidence that he is still smoking. I feel psycho and crazy because he swears that he is not smoking but I know he is and i just want him to admit it. Why can't he admit it???? Should i let this slide? Should i like him just smoke behind my back? I don't want him to start smoking around me again and i am afraid if i push him too hard he will start smoking around me again.
Having been through this before I got married and dealing with all the problems of his lies after marriage. I would definatley recommend that you run as far as you can from him as it will not get better. Find someone who will respect and love you enough to take care of themselves as it will not improve and will creat more problems than you can imagine. It is not worth all the heartache, pain and stress it will cause. Just remember if he can't take care of his own body how can he take care of you? Marriage if 'for better or worse' please avoid this worse by not starting. Learn from a mistake I made and now have to live with.
Rich

Phoenixville, PA

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#426
Apr 17, 2012
 
I see the post is a little bit old but found out for the 4th time my wife was smoking. This goes back 20 years. It hurts as it seems like I never really knew her. Anybody want to disuss send me an email at rtrench@hotmail.com
Lost in the wilderness wrote:
At my husbands parents home for Thanksgiving I saw my husband take his moms lighter off the table before heading to the bathroom. Both his parents smoke and his mom has had health issues and shouldnt be smoking herself. Shortly after I noticed while using the restroom that there was a pack of cigarettes on the side of the tub. I didnt actually see him smoke but he was supposed to had stopped acouple of months ago. I also noticed that when ever he would go outside his mom would follow always with a cigarette. Then they came back in and his mom gave him a pack of breathe mints. I guess Im hurt cause I feel like everyone was lying and being sneaky behind my back. I feel even more disrespected that he would bring others into his lies even if its his own mother. Do you think i should just let it go?
Rich

Phoenixville, PA

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#427
Apr 17, 2012
 
Rikki,

I caught my wife a few times after she said she would quit. It hurts and in short I can never ever trust her again.
Rikki wrote:
To the guy who states that "What the heck is up with women today that they think they can DICTATE how their husbands live. "
I actually told my husband that I did not want to be married to a smoker PRIOR to marrying him. I married him because he promised that he would stop smoking. Several months after we got married, I found out that I was pregnant. Again, he promised that he would stop. When our son was born premature, he quit due to Dr's orders.(A preemies lungs cannot tolerate smoke and even the lingering smell of it on clothing is harmful to them.) However, I recently found out that he has been sneaking behind my back and smoking. I don't know how long he had been lying to me about it. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant again and for the sake of both our babies (5 mths old and unborn) it is very much MY CONCERN whether he smokes or not. I certainly have the RIGHT TO DICTATE what he does when not only my health but, the health of my children is at stake.
If he doesn't cease smoking immediately, I will leave him. It is bad enough that he still does it but, to do it behind my back, when we have a 5mth old that it negatively affects and to lie about it is low. My health and the health of my family is my priority therefore, it is my right to have a say in the matter.
Freida

Regina, Canada

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#428
Apr 21, 2012
 
My husband has been lying to me about smoking for awhile, I caught him with them today and he tried to hide them. The reason y this upsets me is my son has asthma and almost died a few years ago. I used to smoke but when the doctor told me I had to quit I did for my sons health. He is so selfish he doesn't care that it could lead to my son having another asthma attack. He also smokes marijuana. I do yell, scream and carry on because my sons health is more important than his need to smoke but not in my husbands eyes.

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