Husband lying about smoking

[AnnaLynn]

tim wrote:

Stop your crying and do something about it.

Do WHAT?? You don't want her to leave him.

[southern dolly]

If, the only problem you have in your relationship is he/she is smoking and not telling you. Then you are very lucky. But, If this one thing is you making it a ultramatium, then, you are the one at fault. You should allow them to make this decision on their own, if the fall off the smoke wagon, so be it. How many times have you said, "I'm going to lose weight", or "I am going to stop eating so much chocolate". IF, you make this a do or die point in your relationship, then I can only assume,"YOU" want out and this is your excuse. This control you seem to need over another person, appears to be the problem for you. You are the one making the other lie..Wonder what it is you do when you find out they are smoking..whine, guilt, making life unbearable becaue you cannot control this person enough to bend them to YOUR will. If you gripe enough, you may get more than you think, Life alone.. what really is important to you ??

[AnnaLynn]

southern dolly wrote:

You are the one making the other lie

I don't want a man I can "make" lie to me.

I also don't want a man who CHOOSES to lie to me.

[Sick of the Lies]

Ok, I think those of us who understand the point here realize the following points:

1. one lie does not make a "liar;" however,
2. many lies = big fat stinking liar
3. it's doubtful that a big fat liar who lies repeatedly about one thing can really be trusted at all.
4. a liar chooses to lie, and is not "made" to lie by his or her disappointed and frustrated spouse, who only wants honesty to remain the supreme goal of the relationship.
5. a disappointed and frustrated spouse is _NOT_ controlling the liar (for heaven's sake - get real people!). The liar is controlling everything. And he/she is destroying the relationship with his/her lies.
6. since it has become quite obvious that only a few of us here really understand this, I will be deleting this forum from my "favorites" list. I'm really tired of reading the lame responses of people who are so blind to the fact that LYING -regardless of what the lies are about - IS WRONG.

One last comment before I go: IF A PERSON LIES A LOT TO HIS/HER SPOUSE, THEN HIS/HER RELATIONSHIP WILL SUFFER. Most of the time it seems that person doesn't realize that until it's too late. Too bad for them.

Sheesh. Why can't people just get that???

I'm gone. Nice knowing you all. AnnaLynn, keep up the fight, if you want to.... I'm tired of trying to explain it!

SUSAN - aka "Sick of the Lies"

[southern dolly]

and of course, you have NEVER lied to your spouse. No matter how small or large, a lie is a lie. Just my opinion, but if you are ready to throw in the towel over a lie about smoking, then you are ready to get out of this relationship, you just want someone to blame, not yourself..

[southern dolly]

Sick of the Lies wrote:

Ok, I think those of us who understand the point here realize the following points:
1. one lie does not make a "liar;" however,
2. many lies = big fat stinking liar
3. it's doubtful that a big fat liar who lies repeatedly about one thing can really be trusted at all.
4. a liar chooses to lie, and is not "made" to lie by his or her disappointed and frustrated spouse, who only wants honesty to remain the supreme goal of the relationship.
5. a disappointed and frustrated spouse is _NOT_ controlling the liar (for heaven's sake - get real people!). The liar is controlling everything. And he/she is destroying the relationship with his/her lies.
6. since it has become quite obvious that only a few of us here really understand this, I will be deleting this forum from my "favorites" list. I'm really tired of reading the lame responses of people who are so blind to the fact that LYING -regardless of what the lies are about - IS WRONG.
One last comment before I go: IF A PERSON LIES A LOT TO HIS/HER SPOUSE, THEN HIS/HER RELATIONSHIP WILL SUFFER. Most of the time it seems that person doesn't realize that until it's too late. Too bad for them.
Sheesh. Why can't people just get that???
I'm gone. Nice knowing you all. AnnaLynn, keep up the fight, if you want to.... I'm tired of trying to explain it!
SUSAN - aka "Sick of the Lies"

&&&&&& &&&&&& &&&&&& &&&&&& &&&&&& &&&&&& &&&&&

You are right, delete this from your list, you have explained numerous times what YOUR opinion is and the few who disagree with you and will not bend to your way, are wrong. Do you see a pattern here. If we don't go along with your way, we are wrong and you leave.. That is controlling.. call it what you want, it's " your way, or the highway",

[AnnaLynn]

Tim finally figured it out. Maybe you will too, doll.

tim wrote:

Unless your significant other is void of feelings or some kind of child trapped in a man/woman's body who looks at everything as a game and taking it as a challenge to see what he/she could get away with, you have nothing to worry about.

[tim]

If that's the case, if your husband really is like that, how stupid must you be not to have seen that?

People don't change who they are overnight. You must have known or just chose not to.

Ignorance is bliss.

[AnnaLynn]

tim wrote:

If that's the case, if your husband really is like that, how stupid must you be not to have seen that?
People don't change who they are overnight. You must have known or just chose not to.
Ignorance is bliss.

You must be ecstatic. You aren't even aware of how much you don't know.

[Crys]

Sick of the Lies wrote:

Tim - go back a few pages, and you'll see where Crys wrote that "I believe that I very recently (last night) found out that my husband is smoking."

Yes, thank you!
And he finally told me about it. He says he will try to quit, I hope he does. It just feels better knowing that he's not lying about it anymore.

[tim]

You caused him to lie Crys. You putting preasure on him and making him feel like he has no choice. Let him smoke if that's what he wants to do. You could tell him not to smoke in the house if you want but don't make him feel guilty.

[Crys]

tim wrote:

You caused him to lie Crys. You putting preasure on him and making him feel like he has no choice. Let him smoke if that's what he wants to do. You could tell him not to smoke in the house if you want but don't make him feel guilty.

I did not cause him to lie. That was his choice. I never pressured him either. I do let him smoke. I just didn't want him to be hiding it from me anymore.

[AnnaLynn]

tim wrote:

You caused him to lie Crys. You putting preasure on him and making him feel like he has no choice. Let him smoke if that's what he wants to do. You could tell him not to smoke in the house if you want but don't make him feel guilty.

Yeah, because men are NEVER responsible for their own actions--everything they do, women FORCE them to do.

How long have you survived wihtout a spine?