Husband lying about smoking

[Lost in the wilderness]

At my husbands parents home for Thanksgiving I saw my husband take his moms lighter off the table before heading to the bathroom. Both his parents smoke and his mom has had health issues and shouldnt be smoking herself. Shortly after I noticed while using the restroom that there was a pack of cigarettes on the side of the tub. I didnt actually see him smoke but he was supposed to had stopped acouple of months ago. I also noticed that when ever he would go outside his mom would follow always with a cigarette. Then they came back in and his mom gave him a pack of breathe mints. I guess Im hurt cause I feel like everyone was lying and being sneaky behind my back. I feel even more disrespected that he would bring others into his lies even if its his own mother. Do you think i should just let it go?

[debra walter]

kick him in the nuts yo

[iamnicci]

My husband has lied to me about smoking for years, it's not just the smoking that gets me so worked up, it's the broken promises, the lies, the mistrust and the arrogance in the way he now does it. Unfortunatly I have never been able to let it go and now our relationship is in dire straits (not just because of that). I guess my question to you would be, how much does it bother you?

[Smoker]

Just let it go. Tell him to go outside or something.

[LoKe]

You must confront him about it. Whether or not he wants to quit or not is up to him, though, don't pressure him. You're married, he shouldn't be hiding things like that from his wife, it's wrong. You have to deal with it as much as he does.

On a related note, your husband is terrible at this secrecy business, which I suppose is good.

[same situation]

i caught my husband lying about smoking its not the smoking its he lied for a year i also felt like he had people sneaking behind my back i told him he does not have enough trust in me after almost 16yrs then he does not love me very much zero tolerance on lying i am suposed to be able to trust him how can i if he can lie over something so small then its easier to lie about something big he now has lots of work to do maybe counseling to figure out why he needs to lie to someone your suposed to trust more then anyone in the world all i know what can i believe now

[pers87]

smoking is probably the only prolem in this case.If you don't smoke, he WISHES TO STOP FOR YOU!, you wish you could know how hard it is to find a woman who is ok with a man who is a virgin,but after all his virgin shite, i don't mind waiting a few more weeks/months/years for sex...plz contact me if u want 2b w/me..if u don't want2b/w me,THEN I'M sorry4themixup plz let me know..i will try anything and everything4A match

[Flavio]

When you first began the relationship was he a smoker already and you accepted his habit. You admitted in you blog by saying he was suppose to quit. Now you have circumstancial evidence that he has picked it up again. If you made a pact together or he actually willfully accepted about stop smoking you can approach him and asked alert him he is not following his goal.

[anna]

well i am going through the same thing my husband quite for 5 years then he tells me that he does it sometimes when he is stressed out and i can not trust him anymore when he gets home from work i smell his coat and his cloths i found a empty smoke pack in his coat so i confronted him and he said it was grabage from his work truck. well i am just don't know what to believe anymore he promised to not doit again and i have no idea if he has or not. when his cloths smell like smoke i ask him and he says that everyone smokes in the lunch room at work so i am stump please help me

[rachel]

I am going through the same problem right now, well it is chewing tobacco that is the problem. My husband has lied again and again that he is not chewing then I find it. He has horrible mood swings and me and the kids get the brunt of it, I have no trust in him any more, and if we did not have childen, his ass would be out the door!!!!!!!!

[Glenda]

I am going throught the same thing right now as well. My fiance said that he quit smoking and now i am pretty sure that he is lying about it. I have confronted him several times about it and each time he swears that he hasn't been smoking. He smells like smoke all the time and I already caught him lying about it once. I don't care that he smokes. Yes it bothers me but I can get over it. The lying is driving me crazy. My eX lied to me about cheating and smoking and it just reminds me of all the horrible crap that he put me through. I am not a trusting person and now that I know he is lying to my face, i am scared to marry him. There is nothing else wrong with him, just the fact that he can lie to my face and swear to God that he doesn't smoke when i find rock hard evidence that he is still smoking. I feel psycho and crazy because he swears that he is not smoking but I know he is and i just want him to admit it. Why can't he admit it???? Should i let this slide? Should i like him just smoke behind my back? I don't want him to start smoking around me again and i am afraid if i push him too hard he will start smoking around me again.

[meme]

my bf of 3 years and i were going through this for a long time he said that he would stop smoking weed cuse i hate it and i cought him doing it like 7 times and i told him it is ether that or me. and i felt like he is chusing that over me every time he dose it. and now i told all i want him to do is just prove to me that he can quit for a month and it took three years and he is finaly doing it but i cant help but think that he has been going behind my back about it again. there is no proof this time but u have to think about that too it is hard to trust someone after they have lied many times about it

[dave]

is it possible that it's all because you guys are pressuring your husbands so much that they need to lie to you. You have to understand, lying, in this scenario, means that he doesn't want to disapoint you. obviously he knows that it's a bad addiction which is why he'll do all this to hide it from somoene he wants to impress. take the pressure off guys.

[Cynthia]

dave wrote:

is it possible that it's all because you guys are pressuring your husbands so much that they need to lie to you. You have to understand, lying, in this scenario, means that he doesn't want to disapoint you. obviously he knows that it's a bad addiction which is why he'll do all this to hide it from somoene he wants to impress. take the pressure off guys.

hey dave-
thanks for your words. my fiance found a pack of smokes in my closet this weekend, and i feel horrible. i am not trying to make excuses for myself or anything, but as it is i am naturally hard on myself. he travels ALOT and after finding many nights and weekends alone in a new town, i found my old friend "smokes" at the store...pathetic huh?! well now i feel like such an ass and dont know what to do, i just keep finding myself tearing up at the computer.
Cynthia

[Jinga]

You know what? You should be thankful that he does not LEAVE YOU for trying to control him.

I smoke, and if ANYONE told me to quit, I would drop them in a heartbeat.

Look, lots of people sneak smoking because its not PC these days, get used to it. You have NO RIGHT to tell others how to live their lives. NONE what so ever.

What the heck is up with women today that they think they can DICTATE how their husbands live.

[Donner]

Dave is right. If you force someone to do something they do not want to, they WILL lie to you.

[OrgBot]

Why on earth would you dare tell anyone how to live? I dont care if you are his wife, leave him ALONE.

[Anonymous]

I am in a simialr situation. My husband was a non smoker when we met. 3 years into the relationship he started smoking and lieing to me about it. We went through 2 years of constant confrontation about this issue. He finally quit and two years later we got married. Everything was picture perfect until he started getting stressed about his job. Unfortunately he started smoking again. After I confronted him about it he fessed up and agreed to quit again. Now he is lieing to me about it constantly. I love my husband but if I knew he was going to disrespect me like this after we got married there never would have been a wedding. I think that my husband is completely disrespecting me and breaking our vows we made to each other. I am completely torn we haven't even been married a year. I am pretty sure I will stick it out eventhough his smoking and lies is tearing me up inside. If you are planning to marry this guy you need to think about how much you don't like the smoking and the lies. How much time during the day do you think about this problem? Does it torment you constantly? Are you completely stressed out about this like I am. Don't just ignore your feelings because they will not just go away. If think you can let this go perfect. If not I think you should re-think making such a huge committment.

[have also been lied to]

I agree with the people here who say it's not about the smoking as much as it is about the lying. I do understand the motive, but I really think these men have no idea what the lying does to the woman. It makes us think we are losing our minds, and are just 'crazy and irrational women' when they calmly tell us that they truly are 'NOT smoking, honey, you must be imagining things'. I too, was in a prior relationship with a drug addict, crack cocaine, actually, and he was the most clean cut professional you ever met. And he hid it from me for almost six months before I found out, by being a detective, as he lied and lied and lied. He actually made me literally shake my head when I was alone thinking 'did I SEE that'? or 'did I HEAR him say that'? because he constantly had stories to dispute my findings/suppositions. Anyway, this problem is as much my own (lack of trust, unable to let it go) as it is his (can't quit smoking). I guess the glass is half full because he doesn't smoke a pack a day anymore which is what he used to before he so called 'Quit'.

[AMere]

Why do men have to lie?? They don't realize that lying is what makes us mad, not usually the situation at hand. I just caught my fiance in a lie this morning. We were getting ready for work and he was adjusting his pants and a pack of Kool's almost fell out of his pocket. I confronted him and he denied it right in front of my face as he sat there looking like a deer in headlights. I told him how disgusting it was and how I was so proud that he quit. We are expecting a baby here soon and I definitely don't want the baby to be surrounded by people who smoke. YUCK!! It just hurt me that he lied about it and felt he couldn't tell me.