New lover going from hot to cold...Am i overreacting? HELP!

Posted in the Online Dating Forum

Since: Apr 13

Los Angeles, CA

#1 Apr 9, 2013
Im back on the forums!!! Years ago this form helped me get through so many problems with my ex of five years (the breakups, the successful NC's, the reconciliations....) so i hope it can help me in my new relationship. Too bad i couldnt find my old login details

Im a 25 year old girl. I was with someone for four years about ayear and half ago and havent really seen anyone regularly during this time. I havent met anyone i really liked until two months ago, where on dating site i meet an guy who is 21 and i never felt so attracted to someone before.

He doesnt let any emotions show, at all but we got on really well as friends, have a laugh. I just assumed he didnt fancy me. Up until a night out with the colleagues...where he makes a bold move, and we kiss and spend the night together and he tells me he'd fancied me frm the day he met me. The night was truly incredible.

For a few weeks we see each other almost daily. he was so caring towards me. He is four years younger which is very new to me, but was with someone for three years before so has relationship experience and they split three months ago. I know i could see myself as kind of a rebound but since they had been long distance for the whole three years and was pretty much over her for the last 6 months... I dont think so. We really click on so many levels.

He introduces me to all his friends and they all tell me how much they like me, and how happy they are he has met me. They even call me his girlfriend. The thing is the guy is extremely reserved, doesnt give many compliments, didnt call me his gf, keeps emotions to himself. I find out how he feels through his actions, and what his friends reported to me. And also the fact he texts me all day long, makes plans with me etc.

But on a night out with him three days ago, i meet the girl he was seeing for threemweeks before me, a very young girl, not exclusively, a casual thing. I find out through him that he left her for me as soon as he met me (he got exclusive with me.)

But since i found out, for the last three days hes been very cold to me. I sensed that he was becoming a little distant and it really hurt me. he wouldnt kiss me unless i did, hold my hand, he wouldn’t spoon me in bed anymore, when for over two weeks we couldnt keep our hands off each other. so i told him, via text, that maybe he needs some space since i know he would get awkward if i told him face to face. He replied that he is very sorry he has been cold the last three days, is aware of it and he doesnt want to hurt me. He says he is in a difficlt place, he got out recently of a three year relationship and wants to talk to me about it because he knows he isnt very good with words and would like to try to voice some things to me for once. He says he doesnt want us to break up, just take a step back and try to make sense of our last few weeks together and we should meet in a few days.

I got extremely hurt and i can’t stop being upset since. I am very fragile, because of abuse in my past i have trouble handling rejection. I am truly heartbroken and i dont even know why. All his friends are extremely vocal about what a catch i am for him (to me and to him) which i dont think is too good for his confidence.

My friends however, even while being very nice to his face, tell me im way too good-looking for him, too smart, and we are from different backgrounds (they think im “too posh” for him). I really dont give a damn about that, i finally met someone i truly like and im falling for. I am hurting so much because he needs space. But I was very understanding towards him, telling him that he should take the space he needs, i might need some myself, and whatever he wants to tell me, i am ready to hear it.

Oh,i almost forget ,the site is (it's a serious dating site where you can find suuceeful man and beautiful woman)

Am i totally overreacting?
How can he go from being so lovely and willing to connect to being so cold and distant?

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#2 Apr 9, 2013
maybe you can break the ice with a email

Do you see a profile that you are interested in but you don't know how to initiate aconversation with the person you are interested in? You know that you don't want to sound cheezy or corny but you can't quite think of the perfect thing to say.

Well first I would like to start off by saying make sure you don't use any pick up lines. If you want the person you are interested in to take you seriously, any lines like.. "" you must be an angel, because I'm sure you fell straight from heaven" won't work and it most likely will result in that person deleting your email and not taking a proper chance on you.

I have found that the best method to use when trying to approach them is to first off...BE YOURSELF! You want them to take you seriously and not think that your some goof ball just looking tor a hang out bubby and not a long term relationship.

Second, start with HELLO! That seems like such an obvious tip but you would be surprised at how many people don't realize that the person you are interested in is just a normal person who would be more responsive to a kind hello then some ''pickup line".

Third, keep it light and flirty. A couple lines are all that's needed to get a conversation started. You don't have to give them your whole bio in the first initial email. That is sure to turn the person off because they can feel like you are providing them with ''TMI'' and going on and on. It can also give them the impression that you like to talk to much about yourself. KEEP IT SHORT, FLIRTY, AND SWEET.

Fourth, If you see that you share a common interest with them then you could mention that in your email. This is a perfect ice breaker because it gives you something to talk about.

Fifth, It's a awesome idea to ASK A QUESTION! This almost insures a reply. Because if you are asking someone a question..they feel that you are really trying to get to know them as a person and the door is opened for conversation.

A sample ice breaker would be. Hello, I saw your profile and it sparked my interest. Your smile caught my eye as well. I see that you are interested in fishing. Fishing is one of my favorite past times. How often do you fish?'' See...a couple have initiated that you have something in common and you asked them a question. So now they have something to reply back to.

Hopes this helps you in your initial contact to breaking the ice. Use these tips and you are almost sure to get a reply!
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