My husband's affair is killing me
Autumskye

Cleveland, OH

#21 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
It's so complicated though. IMy husband and I have a business together, and our son wants to join. The business needs another partner, and I have worked my whole life to be able to do this for my son. I feel like I will be throwing away 25 years of hard work and sacrifice. I am so angry! This is a small town thing we are talking about, everywhere I go she is there. I want out so bad but I have to think of my son.
You didn't throw away anything, your husband did. There are laws to protect you and your son dealing with business and marriages. Don't be miserable. Your son will suffer if he knows you only stayed because of him.

Since: Mar 09

AOL

#22 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
Her husband does know. He has responded by seeking me out publicly and telling me in front of people that I am not woman enough to keep my man. He has threatened to kill my husband, and has basically drug my name through the mud. I have no dignity left. In the meantime, he spends extravagant amounts of money on her to keep her. Whatever her heart desires, she gets. She is living the high life! She is an uneducated, unmotivated, immature person. She never even finished high school because she became pregnant. She has, however, learned how to get whatever she wants by flirting and flaunting herself. She is a very pretty girl and has been blessed with very large breasts. I'm sure all you women understand the positiion that leaves me in. I'm a college educated woman, I'm 46, and I never learned how to flirt or flaunt. I am-according to my husband-boring. I was always secure with myself until this happened. Now I don't know who I am. I have lost my identity because I feel like everything good I have ever done didn't mean a thing when this person came into our lives. I look in the mirror and I hate myself because I can't compete with this woman on any level that is important to my husband. Even if I do divorce him, there has been so much damage done to me I don't know if I can get back on my feet or not. I hope anyone considering having an affair will read what I write and think about all the other people who will be hurt if they choose to go down that path.
What kind of backwater, hillbilly place is that? sheesh! She has big breasts, so what, you have BRAINS and have lived longer, so you have more experience than her, and you have managed to stay faithful so you hve more scruples than her. But you know whatshe has that you need. Good old-fashioned gumption - she seized the moment and you have to as well. Life will be so much better for you in a new job (companies in this recovery are starting to use the temp services first, so if you don't find permanent full time you can go to a temp service for temp full time work. How far are you from the nearest city? If you can commute into the city for your job and tell you idiot husband to hire his idiot girlfriend to fill your job then you can earn your own money. Set up your own account. check in the city for a divorce attorney.

If you get a permanent job, save up and move to the city. Then you won't have to even spend evenings there. Once you get settled, ask your son over for a meal at your place, or out on the town. stay in touch with him somehow. But the rest of the hooligans let them stay in their stupid squalor. I hate backward morality in small towns or big cities.

Oh and if you make it on your own, seek counseling, you don't want to find yourself in another relationship with the "same" type of man. Learn to identify his type and steer clear of them.

This has been a list of what I would do in your situation. Sorry if I sound bossy, but I can't stand to think of anyone stuck and feeling like there is no way out.
Feminist

Pittsburgh, PA

#23 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
Her husband does know. He has responded by seeking me out publicly and telling me in front of people that I am not woman enough to keep my man. He has threatened to kill my husband, and has basically drug my name through the mud. I have no dignity left. In the meantime, he spends extravagant amounts of money on her to keep her. Whatever her heart desires, she gets. She is living the high life! She is an uneducated, unmotivated, immature person. She never even finished high school because she became pregnant. She has, however, learned how to get whatever she wants by flirting and flaunting herself. She is a very pretty girl and has been blessed with very large breasts. I'm sure all you women understand the positiion that leaves me in. I'm a college educated woman, I'm 46, and I never learned how to flirt or flaunt. I am-according to my husband-boring. I was always secure with myself until this happened. Now I don't know who I am. I have lost my identity because I feel like everything good I have ever done didn't mean a thing when this person came into our lives. I look in the mirror and I hate myself because I can't compete with this woman on any level that is important to my husband. Even if I do divorce him, there has been so much damage done to me I don't know if I can get back on my feet or not. I hope anyone considering having an affair will read what I write and think about all the other people who will be hurt if they choose to go down that path.
I am so sorry for your pain. You are very vulnerable, anger is normal. You need to consult an attorney. Get one from another place if possible.

You will always be blamed for not being able to "keep" your man, not only by men, but sadly other women as well.

“"drive for five in'10"”

Since: Jan 07

Your the Man!

#24 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
Her husband does know. He has responded by seeking me out publicly and telling me in front of people that I am not woman enough to keep my man. He has threatened to kill my husband, and has basically drug my name through the mud. I have no dignity left. In the meantime, he spends extravagant amounts of money on her to keep her. Whatever her heart desires, she gets. She is living the high life! She is an uneducated, unmotivated, immature person. She never even finished high school because she became pregnant. She has, however, learned how to get whatever she wants by flirting and flaunting herself. She is a very pretty girl and has been blessed with very large breasts. I'm sure all you women understand the positiion that leaves me in. I'm a college educated woman, I'm 46, and I never learned how to flirt or flaunt. I am-according to my husband-boring. I was always secure with myself until this happened. Now I don't know who I am. I have lost my identity because I feel like everything good I have ever done didn't mean a thing when this person came into our lives. I look in the mirror and I hate myself because I can't compete with this woman on any level that is important to my husband. Even if I do divorce him, there has been so much damage done to me I don't know if I can get back on my feet or not. I hope anyone considering having an affair will read what I write and think about all the other people who will be hurt if they choose to go down that path.
Pam, I wouldn't worry too much about what the girl friends husband says. After all he's the pot calling the kettle black. Obviously he's not doing his job to keep his wife happy. IMO counseling is worthless. My ex and I went to counseling. I just feel that once the spark is gone its not going to be relit. A counselor can say anything but the memory of the pain and hurt never go away. Theres always that little lingering doubt in the back of your mind and its hard to get the trust back if ever. You really need to get a lawyer in another town. But in the end you will do whats right for you and I wish you well dear.

Since: Oct 09

White House, TN

#25 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
Her husband does know. He has responded by seeking me out publicly and telling me in front of people that I am not woman enough to keep my man. He has threatened to kill my husband, and has basically drug my name through the mud. I have no dignity left. In the meantime, he spends extravagant amounts of money on her to keep her. Whatever her heart desires, she gets. She is living the high life! She is an uneducated, unmotivated, immature person. She never even finished high school because she became pregnant. She has, however, learned how to get whatever she wants by flirting and flaunting herself. She is a very pretty girl and has been blessed with very large breasts. I'm sure all you women understand the positiion that leaves me in. I'm a college educated woman, I'm 46, and I never learned how to flirt or flaunt. I am-according to my husband-boring. I was always secure with myself until this happened. Now I don't know who I am. I have lost my identity because I feel like everything good I have ever done didn't mean a thing when this person came into our lives. I look in the mirror and I hate myself because I can't compete with this woman on any level that is important to my husband. Even if I do divorce him, there has been so much damage done to me I don't know if I can get back on my feet or not. I hope anyone considering having an affair will read what I write and think about all the other people who will be hurt if they choose to go down that path.
You need to take your educated self out of this Jerry Springer equation and find yourself an educated good man. Let them ruin each other. Affairs are so much more than sex. It's the betrayal of the vows and trust. You know if he did it once and told you and was actually remorseful for what he had done I think your relationship could be salvaged. But it doesn't look like he is going to stop. When he gets tired of her, does that mean all this ends? Probably not. He will seek out another person. Don't play the fool. Get a good lawyer and wring his a ss out! You have so much on him the judge would look in your favor. I would take what is mine and leave holding my head up. You are allowing them to abuse you.

Since: Oct 09

White House, TN

#26 Nov 30, 2009
Pam I have been a Preschool Teacher for a long time. We have to go to tons of workshops. I sat thru this long and boring workshop on "Conscience Discipline". I don't remember much but this did stand out. "No one can make you feel sad, glad, bad ,mad, etc. without your permission." That was really was an eye opener for me.
Pam

Ansley, NE

#27 Nov 30, 2009
I wish I was strong enough to say that noone could make me feel sad, glad, etc. I used to feel that way. I never imagined I could become the pathetic person I am. This affair has been going on for almost a year, and in that amount of time I feel like I have lost everything. I know I need to get off the pity wagon and do something about it. Right now I feel so fragile, like a gust of wind could blow me over and I'd be done. I don't think if I ever do get the courage to leave that I will ever trust or accept another man into my life. That's probably another reason I don't go, I don't like being alone. I always thought by this time in my life I would be secure. It's just so mind boggling! I thank all of you for your good advice, and mostly just for listening to me. It is amazing how the person who isn't doing anything wrong becomes the accused. My husband, her husband, and all her friends are constantly accusing me of all kinds of things. It just blows my mind! I think the guilty expect others to behave in the manner they do, and it certainley increases my anger and resentment.

Since: Mar 09

AOL

#28 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
I wish I was strong enough to say that noone could make me feel sad, glad, etc. I used to feel that way. I never imagined I could become the pathetic person I am. This affair has been going on for almost a year, and in that amount of time I feel like I have lost everything. I know I need to get off the pity wagon and do something about it. Right now I feel so fragile, like a gust of wind could blow me over and I'd be done. I don't think if I ever do get the courage to leave that I will ever trust or accept another man into my life. That's probably another reason I don't go, I don't like being alone. I always thought by this time in my life I would be secure. It's just so mind boggling! I thank all of you for your good advice, and mostly just for listening to me. It is amazing how the person who isn't doing anything wrong becomes the accused. My husband, her husband, and all her friends are constantly accusing me of all kinds of things. It just blows my mind! I think the guilty expect others to behave in the manner they do, and it certainley increases my anger and resentment.
Being alone means you decide what you eat, what you watch, who your friends are. It's freedom.

The only reason to fear it, is if you don't have anything to fill it. But think of all the things you can take an interest in. all the things you can learn to do, accomplishments that will make you feel good about yourself. Especially volunteer work, helping others in your spare time will fill up a void.

Yes, you are finally responsible for the bills, the rent, the income, but I think you must have worked before you met your husband, you are just as capable now.

I made a promise to myself when I finally stopped being treated bad by school peers. I promised myself to never again stay in a situation where people treat me bad. I never will allow it again.

I feel so much better and freer now.
Pam

Ansley, NE

#29 Nov 30, 2009
I hope someday I can have the strength you have. I know I deserve better than this, it's just that I feel so worn out that I don't have the strength right now. How does that song go? My Get Up and Go has Got Up and Left Me. It would help me if I had family close, but I don't. I have also been taking care of my aged, chronically ill mother-in-law. She depends on me, and I cherish her. I would never speak badly of her son to her, even though I suspicion that she knows. I know it would be so hard on her if I left.
Autumskye

Cleveland, OH

#30 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
I thank all of you who are responding to me. I feel I have no voice. I want so much to be free, yet my mother instinct makes me stay for the well-being of my son. Does anyone understand this?
You do have a voice. You are welcome. Your son will be affected by this eventually. Maby not in a positive way either. But you also have a duty too yourself as well. Is it good for your son to see you pushed around and hurting?
Autumskye

Cleveland, OH

#31 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
Her husband does know. He has responded by seeking me out publicly and telling me in front of people that I am not woman enough to keep my man. He has threatened to kill my husband, and has basically drug my name through the mud. I have no dignity left. In the meantime, he spends extravagant amounts of money on her to keep her. Whatever her heart desires, she gets. She is living the high life! She is an uneducated, unmotivated, immature person. She never even finished high school because she became pregnant. She has, however, learned how to get whatever she wants by flirting and flaunting herself. She is a very pretty girl and has been blessed with very large breasts. I'm sure all you women understand the positiion that leaves me in. I'm a college educated woman, I'm 46, and I never learned how to flirt or flaunt. I am-according to my husband-boring. I was always secure with myself until this happened. Now I don't know who I am. I have lost my identity because I feel like everything good I have ever done didn't mean a thing when this person came into our lives. I look in the mirror and I hate myself because I can't compete with this woman on any level that is important to my husband. Even if I do divorce him, there has been so much damage done to me I don't know if I can get back on my feet or not. I hope anyone considering having an affair will read what I write and think about all the other people who will be hurt if they choose to go down that path.
You can't compete with a backward slut. If your husband is that dumb, then hell with him. You are better than that tramp. As far as her husband, well, he is not man enough to keep his trampy wife. So he has no right to run his ignorant mouth. People like these are just dumb enough to be everywhere. Pretty soon her big boobs will sag and become hanging sacks of flesh. Time will get her eventually. You can get back up, you are just hurt right now. GET ANGRY! Do not let them win! You can beat this. Your husband sounds like a man who is a fool. Clean his clock for him, make you and your son a new life. You deserve to live in a peaceful place. Get a attorney.

Since: Mar 09

AOL

#32 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
I hope someday I can have the strength you have. I know I deserve better than this, it's just that I feel so worn out that I don't have the strength right now. How does that song go? My Get Up and Go has Got Up and Left Me. It would help me if I had family close, but I don't. I have also been taking care of my aged, chronically ill mother-in-law. She depends on me, and I cherish her. I would never speak badly of her son to her, even though I suspicion that she knows. I know it would be so hard on her if I left.
I think your husband will continue to see that his own mother is cared for. In the mean time if you can provide for yourself and stablize your life you can find a way to keep tabs on her condition and maybe help her more after you have helped yourself.

So here is another story from my life. I have always been the family peacemaker - the buffer when my mom and dad fought. For the longest time, I thought if I was not there all hell would break loose. But after I left everything was okay.

At the time I told my brother, I had a personal revelation. The longer I stayed the longer I was delaying the inevitable. My parents would eventually have to get along without me. And if they couldn't and broke up that was just what was going to happen. Nothing I could do but delay it all and I didn't want to delay it anymore.
Pam

Ansley, NE

#33 Nov 30, 2009
You give me strength, thanks so much. I'm so thankful noone has judged me. At times I feel like such a stupid person for taking this so long. However, unless you have ever been in this situation, you cannot say what you would do. That's one thing I have learned from this!

Since: Mar 09

AOL

#34 Nov 30, 2009
Pam wrote:
You give me strength, thanks so much. I'm so thankful noone has judged me. At times I feel like such a stupid person for taking this so long. However, unless you have ever been in this situation, you cannot say what you would do. That's one thing I have learned from this!
I wish you strength and happiness.
just me

Lexington, NC

#35 Dec 1, 2009
jimmy48 wrote:
<quoted text>Well dear, the first thing you need to do is stop feeling like a fool and get angry. Get mad. If he thinks she makes him feel young he's the fool. I wish you well with love, peace and happiness,J48
I no if he leaves you she will not stay with him long. young women does not want a man that is old. It will work for a while but it will never last .and when he come back begging u back, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK I HAVE BEEN THERE I KNOW BE STONG 4 YOUR SON, AND HE NEEDS U MORE THEN EVER NOW. HANG IN THERE THE PAIN WILL GO AWAY IN TIME ,THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER A MAN IS TO GET ANOTHER 1 GIRL, I WILL B PRAYING 4 U

Since: Oct 09

United States

#36 Dec 1, 2009
Pam wrote:
I wish I was strong enough to say that noone could make me feel sad, glad, etc. I used to feel that way. I never imagined I could become the pathetic person I am. This affair has been going on for almost a year, and in that amount of time I feel like I have lost everything. I know I need to get off the pity wagon and do something about it. Right now I feel so fragile, like a gust of wind could blow me over and I'd be done. I don't think if I ever do get the courage to leave that I will ever trust or accept another man into my life. That's probably another reason I don't go, I don't like being alone. I always thought by this time in my life I would be secure. It's just so mind boggling! I thank all of you for your good advice, and mostly just for listening to me. It is amazing how the person who isn't doing anything wrong becomes the accused. My husband, her husband, and all her friends are constantly accusing me of all kinds of things. It just blows my mind! I think the guilty expect others to behave in the manner they do, and it certainley increases my anger and resentment.
Hun, its like jumping off the high dive. Its really scary and far down but once you have muster the strenghth to just jump with two feet down your stomach will will drop for just a moment and you will splash into the pool and see it wasn't all that bad. It's called taking the leap of faith. I had to get out of a abusive relationship that had been carrying on for almost 7 yrs off and on. I would leave then he sweet talk me back. Etc. He was coming between my family and me. They wanted me to walk away from him because he was destroying but I couldn't let him go. Finally one day I had enough and had my Stepfather come help me pack my stuff up and move back home. It sucked at first but after awhile it did hurt. It was relief.
Pam

Ansley, NE

#37 Dec 1, 2009
I am constantly (for the last year anyway) blown away by the stupidity of the woman my husband chooses over me. Today is my son's 21st birthday. She had the nerve to write him a message on facebook! It's actually a bit of a flirty message and he is sickened by it! I didn't know people so stupid existed

Since: Oct 09

United States

#38 Dec 2, 2009
Pam wrote:
I am constantly (for the last year anyway) blown away by the stupidity of the woman my husband chooses over me. Today is my son's 21st birthday. She had the nerve to write him a message on facebook! It's actually a bit of a flirty message and he is sickened by it! I didn't know people so stupid existed
Wow, I know you're son will just throw this away. That is really pushing the the evenvolope to the edge.
Old Hippie

Torgau, Germany

#39 Dec 3, 2009
Pam,
Sorry for you but may be he wants to get rid of you
for the business.Believe me! Don't make business with your friends,husband relatives etc.Because
you can't make friendship,family or money business together.If it's a fifty/fifty business take your money and go.And never look back again.But if you can't get your money back (You'll learn a hard lesson.)But still go and don't look back.It seems to me you've to start a new life.Try to make it easy not hurder than it is.Don't forget this! He'll never respect you anymore.Don't waste your time.I tell you nobody is perfect but sometimes you need to start a new begining.With a new experience good luck to you.

Since: Oct 09

Shreveport, LA

#40 Dec 3, 2009
Old Hippie wrote:
Pam,
Sorry for you but may be he wants to get rid of you
for the business.Believe me! Don't make business with your friends,husband relatives etc.Because
you can't make friendship,family or money business together.If it's a fifty/fifty business take your money and go.And never look back again.But if you can't get your money back (You'll learn a hard lesson.)But still go and don't look back.It seems to me you've to start a new life.Try to make it easy not hurder than it is.Don't forget this! He'll never respect you anymore.Don't waste your time.I tell you nobody is perfect but sometimes you need to start a new begining.With a new experience good luck to you.
He is right. If you can get half, take the money and run.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Top Stories in the Blogosphere Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Any big butt women who proud of their butts? (Feb '10) Oct 14 Drew67 13
Why do white women marry Arabs? (Jun '09) Oct 10 Tess 109
Sunday Night Football Pushes Spanish on America... (Sep '07) Oct 8 wheels 98
My wife likes young guys (Aug '10) Oct 7 trish 16
Poll why there are so many latinas marrying white men? (Aug '09) Oct 4 Kind 1,104
why do latinas hate black men now? (Aug '14) Oct 4 Life 14
Why are white men so attracted to asian women? (Jul '08) Oct 2 code two 21,766
More from around the web