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Chickadee

Lilburn, GA

#1 Aug 26, 2010
my boyfriend and i have known each other for 3 1/2 years and have dated 1 year out of that 3 1/2. we fell in love fast and decided to move in with each other in jan. After i moved in, we decided together that i would quit my job and stay home with my daughter that is 3. shortly after i moved in and left my job, he lost his job. He is currently starting his own business.... which is progressing but he has accumulated some debt that i knew about going into the relationship. He is currently about 30k in debt.Also, we are currently starting to get behind on his bills. credit cards, car payment, mortgage, health insurance, etc....i have no obligation to any of these bills and could walk away easily. The bright side of things is we love each other very much. i have previously been married before and have never been so in love with someone. i cant describe our life. i can honestly say it is picture perfect. he is very romantic, emotional, a good listener and has always been there for me.(even before we started dating) i know this is truly his personality due to our friendship and his previous relationships as he would talk to me about them before him and i became romantically involved. i know there is no front with him as i have experienced in prior relationships. Our relationship is "the real deal" every day seems like i fall more in love with him. i know he loves me as well as hes always doing things for me and letting me know he cares. Basically through all the debt i cant see myself leaving over money. my real problem is i have been by his side and feel like i have proved to him that i am willing to stay through all the financial hard times also along with doing his laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, going out to his work and helping him work, as this is physical labor. i dont mind doing any of this for him because i love him. I wouldnt change anything. Although, I have mentioned getting married and he has said that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, have children with me and he wants to get married. With all this said, he has also mentioned that he wants to wait for the right time... when we have the money and he has a ring to propose. for me..... marriage is not about the wedding, nor the ring, or the dress its for love. ive tried explaining this to him and it seems to only upset him now. i dont want to push him away and lose him over a disagreement of marriage. i feel like i should respect his wishes on marriage. At this point i also feel like it could be yrs before we could have that type of marriage he says he wants. with the wedding/proposal/ring. i feel like im giving him everything with out marriage. i dont want to rush him or push him either. i just know that he is the one for me. so my question is: do i leave? should i date him and find my own place till he is ready to take that next step or should i continue to live with him as we are married and give him some time?
Get a Grip

Houston, TX

#2 Aug 27, 2010
He's got a live in maid/piece of ass, he doesn't work and your child support is probably supporting all of you.....are you REALLY this stupid?

You have a child to provide for and this loser aint cutting it.......if you are smart you will move on, if not you and your child will suffer the consequences. Good luck, and don't screw this one up!!!
Get a Grip

Houston, TX

#3 Aug 27, 2010
P.S. Here's a piece of advice......the time to start your own business is when you are established and have the money to invest, NOT when you are unemployed and in debt!!!

Please heed the red flags waving in front of you...if for nothing else for your child.

Once again, good luck.
Chickadee

Stone Mountain, GA

#4 Aug 27, 2010
Get a Grip wrote:
He's got a live in maid/piece of ass, he doesn't work and your child support is probably supporting all of you.....are you REALLY this stupid?
You have a child to provide for and this loser aint cutting it.......if you are smart you will move on, if not you and your child will suffer the consequences. Good luck, and don't screw this one up!!!
i currently am still unemployed and don't receive child support.
so money is not a factor is this situation. He is trying hard to provide for me and my daughter and i see that as he has shown that.
He didn't just recently start his own business. He started his business and had all expenses paid for a year ago when he still had his job.I want to do the right thing. My ultimatum is do i leave because he wont marry me? I dont want to keep provided him with the marital relationship and keep staying, putting my daughter and i both through this. or should i stay because i know he loves me and continue to hope that he will marry me soon proving everything a wife would and not receive that commitment im looking for.
Cruel

Cheyenne, WY

#5 Aug 27, 2010
Look---just chop his weinnie off or quit whining!!!
Chrissy

Cincinnati, OH

#6 Sep 6, 2010
If you want to get married, and he is not willing to give you that, then you need to ask yourself how long you are prepared to wait for something that *may* or may not happen. I speak from personal experience on this one. I have been with my boyfriend for 15 years-since I was 19 and in college-and we own a house together. We do not have any children. Marriage was never an issue for me until the last 4 years, and the fact that he still hasn't married me even though he knows that it is important to me says it all. He kept telling me the *someday* thing too, but someday never happened. It pretty much ruined the great relationship we once had. As time goes on and he is not meeting your needs(ie:marriage, meanwhile his are being met, you will become very resentful. I am leaving after 15 years and starting over. It is hard, because I can't imagine my life without him, but if he loved me even half as much as I loved him, then he would be dying to marry me. These men have no reason to marry us bc they already get all the benefits of marriage without actually having to make the commitment. Believe me it is a dealbreaker when one wants marriage and the other doesn't. My advice is if you can be happy with your relationship without ever getting married, stay. If marriage is what you really want, get out bc you are probably not going to get that from him, no matter how great things are otherwise.
believer1

Philadelphia, PA

#7 Sep 10, 2010
hello chickadee,
there is a saying that my pastor always says-Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? i read what you said and i was in the same position before-#1) you both should sit down and talk about where you see yourself in the next 5, 10, and 20 years- because if you are not headed in the same direction- thats a sign to leave.#2)you both need a plan now because debt is piling up- put your daughter in school- and you need to get in school and work. you cant depend on him because if he up and leaves you today you need to be in a position to handle your business(this is very important i dont care how much you are in love).#3) you are right- the marriage is not about money- but with that said there are so many things that comes with being married- i could go on in on-you have to think about the debt- the number reason for divorce is over money-#4) if you are doing all the things a wife does go back to what i said in the beginning- why buy the cow- G_d looks @ you like you are worth more then millions- so lastly i wil say people get licenses for dogs but they wont get a license for someone they say they love? i would do #1)see where you both are headed and make a plan tonight- and a date- if not- get a job, save up, move out and handle your business!
Pool Shark

Santa Ana, CA

#8 Sep 11, 2010
Chickadee wrote:
<quoted text>
i currently am still unemployed and don't receive child support.
so money is not a factor is this situation. He is trying hard to provide for me and my daughter and i see that as he has shown that.
He didn't just recently start his own business. He started his business and had all expenses paid for a year ago when he still had his job.I want to do the right thing. My ultimatum is do i leave because he wont marry me? I dont want to keep provided him with the marital relationship and keep staying, putting my daughter and i both through this. or should i stay because i know he loves me and continue to hope that he will marry me soon proving everything a wife would and not receive that commitment im looking for.
Why should he marry you? That's for a woman's benefit. Name me one advantage he gets if he marries you.
Chickadee

Stone Mountain, GA

#9 Sep 12, 2010
i have come to my grand father who is also a pastor. i trust him very much and always look for advice from him as we are close. He was hesitant to giving me a specific answer. He said that he didnt want to give me a answer that i may regret or may be wrong.
He did say that i needed to be working due to being able to provide for my child and if anything should happen i would have this to fall back on. i have talked with my boyfriend about going back to work and since my last post i have been working again.( only paying my own bills) we have also talked about marriage and he says that if he had the money to buy me a ring he would but i feel as if i might be waiting around for ever. he has went as far as looking at places to get married. but this is all something we have done before. no actions have been taken. not really sure how long i should keep waiting.... i keep going back and forth.
Glorie

Fishers, IN

#11 Oct 6, 2010
13 years living with boyfriend. He finally says I dont want to ever marry again. I felt i have wasted so much time. I am ready to move but NO money. Does anyone have a suggestion. Dont really want to beg a church. LOST.

Since: Feb 11

Love Land

#12 Feb 7, 2011
Pool Shark wrote:
<quoted text>Why should he marry you? That's for a woman's benefit. Name me one advantage he gets if he marries you.
A good woman brings love, companionship, loyalty, pleasure (in various ways) a best friend, intelligent conversation, child bearer, etc. to marraige. This is only true if you're with a good woman who truly loves you.

The advantages are many.

Since: Feb 11

Love Land

#13 Feb 7, 2011
Glorie wrote:
13 years living with boyfriend. He finally says I dont want to ever marry again. I felt i have wasted so much time. I am ready to move but NO money. Does anyone have a suggestion. Dont really want to beg a church. LOST.
I've never been a fan of living with men without being married. The man gets all the benefits of marraige without the responsibility. This guy you're with knew he didn't want marraige and in a way you did too because he would have married you long ago. You gave away your power when you allowed him to have all of you without the benefit of marraige.

Do you have any sort of training/degree? If so please put it to use and get out on your own. He's comfortable with the situation and more than likely he will not change. Even if you have to work at McDonalds or Walmart, try to get a job and get out on your own. Having peace of mind is sooo worth it. There are plenty off good men out there that want a good woman to MARRY not shack with. Don't give up.

Good luck to you.
GoodNight

Chillicothe, OH

#14 Mar 28, 2011
i have lived with my boyfriend for 14 freakin years now, don't ask why i have not left. he refuses to get married. i think it's because he just wants that single status. i know, he's a pig, and i should have left years ago. but you never know, i may just do that. i'm tired of it.
Pool Shark

Santa Ana, CA

#15 Mar 28, 2011
GoodNight wrote:
i have lived with my boyfriend for 14 freakin years now, don't ask why i have not left. he refuses to get married. i think it's because he just wants that single status. i know, he's a pig, and i should have left years ago. but you never know, i may just do that. i'm tired of it.
Why haven't you left?
Gut feeling

Lexington, KY

#16 Mar 31, 2011
YOU ARE NO DOUBT WHERE ALOT OF WOMEN HAS BEEN AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER. You may be missing out on a real true catch by staying where you are. If he don't know by now he won't ever know. Be a good example for your daughter.
Pool Shark

Santa Ana, CA

#17 Apr 1, 2011
Nia_ wrote:
<quoted text>
A good woman brings love, companionship, loyalty, pleasure (in various ways) a best friend, intelligent conversation, child bearer, etc. to marraige. This is only true if you're with a good woman who truly loves you.
The advantages are many.
Sorry (BUZZER!) You can get all of those things without signing a marriage contract.
Morals

Harrisonburg, VA

#18 May 22, 2011
Pool Shark,
Do you believe in God?

Since: Feb 11

Love Land

#19 Oct 25, 2011
Morals wrote:
Pool Shark,
Do you believe in God?
Great question.
Frustrated Mom

Columbus, OH

#20 Oct 31, 2011
Nia_ wrote:
<quoted text>
Great question.
curious on what a persons belief or lack of belief has to do with anything.

Since: Feb 11

Love Land

#21 Oct 31, 2011
Frustrated Mom wrote:
<quoted text>
curious on what a persons belief or lack of belief has to do with anything.
Curious as to why this matters to you? We were addressing pool shark not you

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