Can you guy's rate my poem??

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Since: Oct 07

Lenexa, KS

#1 Nov 6, 2007
I was born in this place without a care in the world
But stopped at age 3 when mommy stranged me with a chord
I went through child services, but mommy got her ways
I wished I was with daddy instead of this horrific maze
It really makes me sad that mommy doesn't care
Now I'm seven years old with no heart to bare
It wasn't my fault I was brought up this way
But now it's my life that will have to pay
I can't stand living like this anymore
Getting smacked, watching my mom pay bills by being a whore
My grandma told me God was the was the key to life
So to meet him I will now use this knife
It's not that I don't care about my dad and best friend
It's just that mommy says my life should just end
So I'm doing her a favor, cause I love her so much
I know she doesn't love me, I can tell by her touch
I just hope when I see God he will truly understand
And I can hug him and be in the promise land
So thank you all for understanding my way
And with this knife I will now end my day

“Where did it run off too?”

Since: Aug 07

Eubank

#2 Nov 6, 2007
Don't be a "forever victim" it sounds to me that you have indeed grown into a nice adult and that you can put all that behind you, it is too bad that there really are some few jerks like that in the world. Not many, but it is sad that you had to be one of the ones that had one of them for parent.

Good poem I think. I told one of my abusers the other day that I didn't let the abuse ruin my life anymore, although this person doesn't ever see themself as one of my abusers too and others don't either until they hear the whole story you know or my part too.

Anyways, I told them the other day that it didn't matter if the other one had just gotten married and was being so called "happy" you know, I never let him rule my life anymore. He took enough of it and but I got the best of it after all.

I should have never let anyone talk me into believing that he could make me into a "forever victim" or "his" victim. I am glad that I could get away from him, but I am not glad that I was taught to blame those who it was not their fault namely my family.

I don't care if he got married again, good for him! I hope him happiness and peace in his life. I may never get married and have a man that loves me enough to want to do the things a husband does with and for a wife, but I have myself and I have a family now. More then some have or will ever have.

My abuser can't control my life anymore, that is for sure. I won't allow it, that was all the anger and bitterness was good for, on my behalf, and the stories I told were all about anger and bitterness for the longest time. Lots of years I wasted dwelling on it and letting others use my pain for their benefit and not mine.

I stopped telling though, and but guess her telling me about the marriage and you writing this poem I just had to say I am glad that I am free now. Yeah I am really!

I am making it and I will be okay. I am happy for the most part and have a good life of my own making, so I have to be thankful for my blessings and learn to work on myself and what I can do to make me and my life better in spite of any hardships that may be in it.

That is my revenge, being the best me that I can be and doing good for me and those that I love in spite of the idiots in life and sometimes that really is hard to remember, but I am okay and you are too. Good poem, look how much it got me to write here.

Since: Oct 07

Lenexa, KS

#3 Nov 7, 2007
uhmm... yah... i definitely wasn't abused, and definitely not seven, i'm fifteen, i love my family and have great friends, and never thought of commiting suicide... lol, just a poem i made, calm down on that one

“Vince is da Man! ”

Since: Sep 07

Blue Note (wishfully)

#4 Nov 8, 2007
They call me Paige wrote:
uhmm... yah... i definitely wasn't abused, and definitely not seven, i'm fifteen, i love my family and have great friends, and never thought of commiting suicide... lol, just a poem i made, calm down on that one
You sound very familiar...and your writing style.
Hmmm...
Did you post other poetry under a different name?
Alarms fo off in my head too when I hear about knives, suicide insinuations, abuse, but this other girl on another thread assured me that she was just writing poetry and wouldn't actually DO
what she wrote. I have to take your word, but DANG!- Is this a female thing? Writing about stuff like this, lol!

“Vince is da Man! ”

Since: Sep 07

Blue Note (wishfully)

#5 Nov 8, 2007
People of Courage wrote:
Don't be a "forever victim" it sounds to me that you have indeed grown into a nice adult and that you can put all that behind you, it is too bad that there really are some few jerks like that in the world. Not many, but it is sad that you had to be one of the ones that had one of them for parent.
Good poem I think. I told one of my abusers the other day that I didn't let the abuse ruin my life anymore, although this person doesn't ever see themself as one of my abusers too and others don't either until they hear the whole story you know or my part too.
Anyways, I told them the other day that it didn't matter if the other one had just gotten married and was being so called "happy" you know, I never let him rule my life anymore. He took enough of it and but I got the best of it after all.
I should have never let anyone talk me into believing that he could make me into a "forever victim" or "his" victim. I am glad that I could get away from him, but I am not glad that I was taught to blame those who it was not their fault namely my family.
I don't care if he got married again, good for him! I hope him happiness and peace in his life. I may never get married and have a man that loves me enough to want to do the things a husband does with and for a wife, but I have myself and I have a family now. More then some have or will ever have.
My abuser can't control my life anymore, that is for sure. I won't allow it, that was all the anger and bitterness was good for, on my behalf, and the stories I told were all about anger and bitterness for the longest time. Lots of years I wasted dwelling on it and letting others use my pain for their benefit and not mine.
I stopped telling though, and but guess her telling me about the marriage and you writing this poem I just had to say I am glad that I am free now. Yeah I am really!
I am making it and I will be okay. I am happy for the most part and have a good life of my own making, so I have to be thankful for my blessings and learn to work on myself and what I can do to make me and my life better in spite of any hardships that may be in it.
That is my revenge, being the best me that I can be and doing good for me and those that I love in spite of the idiots in life and sometimes that really is hard to remember, but I am okay and you are too. Good poem, look how much it got me to write here.
Save this! It does apply to those who need it.
But there's something I read at the top of post where you wrote that there are a few jerks like that in the world, not many. I really really really really want to agree with you on that one, but just can't. I know there are nice people in the world who are on the road to righteousness so to speak, but there are soooo many abusive people male and female (females get away with it more in this society) that it makes my head spin. And the "good guys" have got to take heed and watch themselves because they sometimes get bitter, or take a bad moral turn and can turn into bad guys at the drop of a hat. It's a rough world out there many many times. It is getting worse in my opinion. The "good guys" on the road to righteousness will have to stay vigilant, and guard their hearts more than ever I think.
Anyway....bye!

Since: Oct 07

Lenexa, KS

#6 Nov 8, 2007
ALL THAT JAZZ wrote:
<quoted text>
You sound very familiar...and your writing style.
Hmmm...
Did you post other poetry under a different name?
Alarms fo off in my head too when I hear about knives, suicide insinuations, abuse, but this other girl on another thread assured me that she was just writing poetry and wouldn't actually DO
what she wrote. I have to take your word, but DANG!- Is this a female thing? Writing about stuff like this, lol!
lol nope im me... and ive never had any other account on here, this is the first... and well it prolly is a female thing cuz its a way of lettin out feelings, and we're just more creative than guys haha

“Vince is da Man! ”

Since: Sep 07

Blue Note (wishfully)

#7 Nov 8, 2007
They call me Paige wrote:
<quoted text>
lol nope im me... and ive never had any other account on here, this is the first... and well it prolly is a female thing cuz its a way of lettin out feelings, and we're just more creative than guys haha
LOL! I don't know about that,:o]
Read some of the other poetry even on Topix.
And well....musicians - we won't go there.
I've been around on the music circuit in past and well....we just won't get into the 'which gender is more creative bit, lol! trust me.
Recently this type of poetry seems to be catching
on among youngsters. I think I know one reason,
but it may be controversial. As Long as you WON'T
actually do it,...that's the important thing.
You take care, okay? On your profile you write that you believe in God,-keep doing so - God loves you too and believes in you.:o)

Since: Oct 07

Lenexa, KS

#8 Nov 8, 2007
ALL THAT JAZZ wrote:
<quoted text>
LOL! I don't know about that,:o]
Read some of the other poetry even on Topix.
And well....musicians - we won't go there.
I've been around on the music circuit in past and well....we just won't get into the 'which gender is more creative bit, lol! trust me.
Recently this type of poetry seems to be catching
on among youngsters. I think I know one reason,
but it may be controversial. As Long as you WON'T
actually do it,...that's the important thing.
You take care, okay? On your profile you write that you believe in God,-keep doing so - God loves you too and believes in you.:o)
haha yah i agree, we won't get into that... i believe in my opinions u believe in urs... and no definitely not, poetry just let's me vent, and i've actually written more upbeat poetry more than i have depressing emoish poetry lol... and yes i deff believe in God... i always put my faith in him, and u should to lol... you've been in the music business?? that's cool, was it a band, or something?? was it a success?? and if you played/play guitar can u give me some tips cause i'm a starter and i don't really know how to get started lol...

“I am a troll”

Since: Aug 07

United States

#9 Nov 9, 2007
Did you know that most people use less than 10
percent of their brains? Einstein was in the ten percent range. I wonder what the other 90 % was doing? I seriously believe that when the Lord finishes His plan of salvation for us, we'll be restored to using our full capacities and more.
I do think some people tend to use a low single digit percentage of their brains sometimes, lol!
...Maybe alot, and too much emotional thinking tends to delude rather than find truth. I do think there should be a healthy balance of both
and a good dose of spirituality and vision for the future. There is an old saying that says
'Without vision, the people perish.' Even the mind stops working as well as it could without hope and a direction. Building faith in Christ Jesus is definitely a day by day increase, and yes, I do put my trust in Him. I falter like everybody at times, but I thank God He never leaves us nor forsakes us. In other words, He pesters me to get up and He always makes a way.
Very encouraging.:o)

About tips for the guitar? Oh, yes...I have a ton of them. I'll write that in my next subsequent posts here in a few minutes.

“Vince is da Man! ”

Since: Sep 07

Blue Note (wishfully)

#10 Nov 9, 2007
They call me Paige wrote:
<quoted text>
haha yah i agree, we won't get into that... i believe in my opinions u believe in urs... and no definitely not, poetry just let's me vent, and i've actually written more upbeat poetry more than i have depressing emoish poetry lol... and yes i deff believe in God... i always put my faith in him, and u should to lol... you've been in the music business?? that's cool, was it a band, or something?? was it a success?? and if you played/play guitar can u give me some tips cause i'm a starter and i don't really know how to get started lol...
Okay...music: Get yourself a good theory foundation. I would suggest learning chords nd scales at first. It's long and tedious sometimes, but important. Find a good chord book such as 'Sal Salvadore's complete book of chords (it's not really complete because there are an infinite number of chords, but it's a good start). Practice chords, especially majors and minors because most modern music uses basic major and minor chords. Jazz is a different story, the chords various and sometimes extreme, but can be very beautiful even though complex. When you have some chords down, learn some diminished chords also. I would suggest basics such as these chords:
Major
Major 7
7
6

Minor
Minor major 7
Minor 7
Minor 6

Diminished
Diminished major 7
Half diminished 7
Diminished 7

Learn these basically widely encompassing chords in 15 major keys of
C --> neutral major key, but sometimes considered
a sharp major key
G, D, A, E, B, F#, C#-->(these are the sharp [#]
major keys)
F,Bb,Eb,Ab,Db,Gb,Cb --> (these are the flat [b]
major keys)

Pick out chords positions from book that fit your hand that you are comfortable playing--you don't have to learn all of them.
Many chords are movable - same hand position in different keys, you just move/slide your hand up and down the fretboard to different keys.

This can get a bit boring at first, so try to disperse your learning chords with learning tunes with the chords you learned. Basic major and minor chords will cover a lot of tunes at first.

I have a lot more to say about this but later.

If you sing, you can play the chords to a simple tune and sing to it. Remember, at first concentrate on 4/4 timing (sometimes written 'c' which means common timing of 4 beats per measure/bar. Keep it simple at first and find song arrangements with chord changes at the beginning of the measure, not in the middle somewhere.

Some of the greatest songs ever written were simple, so don't feel bad about playing simply.

Stay away from quack teachers, there are many of them. There is no reason you should be playing row row row your boat for three months. Many teachers want to keep you as long as possible for their own income and have no real desire to see you progress quickly. Some teachers just like to impress you with their playing and that's all they want to do. I had a friend who paid for several lessons and all he did is sit there as an audience and ego booster to the teacher. It's okay if teacher tries to show you his/her accomplished playing, but he/she should have you progress and advancement as a priority.

“Vince is da Man! ”

Since: Sep 07

Blue Note (wishfully)

#11 Nov 9, 2007
Do you know the musical alphabet yet?
A, A#/Bb, B, C, C#/Db, E, F, F#/Gb, G, G#/Ab ?

Also...do you know the notes on your guitar yet?
At least the 'natural' notes (A, B, C, D, E, F, G)on each string?
Natural notes are the non #(sharp) or b(flat)
notes such as F#, Bb, etc.etc.

Learn the 'natural' notes on each string up to twelfth fret. Notes start over again on the twelfth fret. For eg.- the 5th string 12 fret (usually but not always marked with double circles on fretboard instead of single ones like on the 3rd, 5th, 7th, and 9th frets) is the same note as the open 'A'(5th string) but an octave higher.
There's an excercise that's a real help in learning the notes on guitar strings, but I don't know how to write it without writing a book, lol!

Anyway, will write more later.
Much to be said about scales too.
When playing leads, one always uses corresponding scales (varying the notes however) with the appropriate chord or chords.

“Vince is da Man! ”

Since: Sep 07

Blue Note (wishfully)

#12 Nov 9, 2007
If your just getting started learning chords,
you can learn these 3 chords: Major, Minor, and Diminished...in each key, however.

If you learn a major chord such as C, you can get away with using a C chord in music that calls for a Cmajor7, C6 or even a C7 chord. A C7 chord (or basic dominant chord) is just much more colorful.

You can get away with playing basic minor chord instead of a minor major 7, minor7, or minor 6 chord. It will most often fit, but sound a bit less colorful than adding the 7's or 6's.
eg.- you can play a regular basic A minor chord
where it calls for an A minor major7, A
minor7, or A minor6 chord.

You can get away with playing a basic Diminished chord (marked 'o' or 'dim.' in music tableture) where it calls for a Diminished major7, half dim.7, or o7 chord. Get the picture? It's a good start. And if you sing, those basic chords won't sound so basic.:o)

Anyway, that's it for now. I have to go back to work.

Any questions? Shoot!

Since: Oct 07

Lawrence, KS

#13 Nov 9, 2007
haha ok i'm kinda gettin it... i had to reread a couple o times lol... and yah i kno the musical alphabet, i play saxophone

“Vince is da Man! ”

Since: Sep 07

Blue Note (wishfully)

#14 Nov 10, 2007
They call me Paige wrote:
haha ok i'm kinda gettin it... i had to reread a couple o times lol... and yah i kno the musical alphabet, i play saxophone
Wonderful! So you have some theory base already!

You know...sax is just one instrument I couldn't play. I tried and tried, but while everybody else
started making legible sounds, my notes sounded like flatulence. Wind instruments were not my forte. I can't even whistle, and I tried! I learned a little harmonica however.
Piano man, Dr. Zhivago, Sound of Music, Dylan tunes. I loved Dylan because no matter how someone played harmonica they always sounded better than Dylan, lol!
My forte was stringed instruments and keyboards.
At one time there was no stringed instrument I coudn't pick up and learn to play in a matter of minutes. Once you know where the notes are, and if you already have a solid theory base...you're on your way.

Here's a pretty good book dealing with scales:
'In the beginning'(scales and modes)- by Rob Middleton (or it may be Hohn Middleton).
The title says 'In the beginning' but it's not a basic basic book. It's not even a big book, but It's packed full of great theory fundementals about intervals, tons of scales and their applications, chords and chord progressions that the scales can be played with, styles. It's difficult, but not too difficult. If you go through it and eventually learn just that book alone, as well as have a good chord reportoire, you should be a well rounded guitarist.
The book is fabulous, trust me!

“Vince is da Man! ”

Since: Sep 07

Blue Note (wishfully)

#15 Nov 10, 2007
...Oops! I may have messed up on the title of the 'In the beginning' book.
I think it's called 'In the beginning (scales we love to hate)' by RON Middlebrook. I don't have the book with me, but am fairly sure the author is Ron Middlebrook.
It has a picture of a Michaelangelo picture on the cover. It will challenge you, but if you learn it, you'll be decent to very good. Most musicians think music is supposed to be easy
but the good ones know it takes work and there is a lot of math like structure to it that doesn't
inhibit creativity but rather enhances it.
The same part of the human brain employed in music is the same part employed in learning/working with computers.
While it can be very complex and exacting sometimes, it is extrememly creative ...almost limitlessly so.
For instance -- high tech digital animation in movies and film. Although very structured and often mathematical and uncompromising in getting the desired effects, it is highly and extremely creative.
I think of nature in the same way. Although the laws of physics must apply, look at the beauty of flowers and the creative wonders of nature.
Visuals, sound, living beings, inanimate objects, life, nature....all very diverse and creative but very structured with rules and yet often very complex.
Ruby

North Wilkesboro, NC

#16 Feb 10, 2008
beautiful poems

The Roses were as beautiful as the sun,
My heart raced like a windy day,
He said my name like a bird chirping a song,
I ran to him as fast as lighting,
Our kiss was as sweet as honey suckles,
We had a song as cute as a lion cubs.

sorry I didn't know where to put my poem
who knows whats inside

Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia

#17 Jan 31, 2010
ive never thought love would be like this
ive never imagined i would love like this again
like always something happen makes my heart hurt
like the old days that i wanna go past
so that i would never hurt so much
but i wouldnt be here if u werent here
so many ones asking me doubtful q's
but i would never give up on my faith
my mind keeps telling me u have had enough pain
but my heart keeps saying u never give up
cos love is always around
thats just we dont realize it
that who give us happiness and tears at the same time
that was true love
that could make me feel this way
i always wish the love has no pain
but love is always with the pain and joy as well
thats what only makes it meaningful
though its hard to bear
through all that i know i can still go on
because i love you
thats why im here with u now
i know nothing is perfect
u only know how much u love me
i can only imagine this
but never can see it
because whats inside is always truth
truth that u only can make me see
the only one can make me excited
the only one can make me cry
the only one can make me laugh
the only one can make me go crazy
im so jealous because i want u to only myself
im so happy because you are only mine...
who knows whats inside

Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia

#18 Jan 31, 2010
thats the poem ive just written few mins ago... its from deep within my heart and what i feel
who knows whats inside

Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia

#19 Jan 31, 2010
i dont want it to be graded or judged, all i want is just to share it to you, may make u realize something
momo1692

Winter Haven, FL

#20 Feb 6, 2010
A dark and very profound poem. You are a good writer.

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