Black women who date White men and ha...

Black women who date White men and have mixed children

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Level 2

Since: Feb 09

Location hidden

#1 Feb 8, 2009
I have recently decided to try to date outside my race.

I am a darskskin woman with very African features, and I have experienced my fair share of discrimination from black men

I worry that if I do end up marrying a White man, and having his children will I be able to love the very thing I feel inferior to?

My children will most likely be lightskin, with a different texture of hair from me. I fear that in some way I will resent them because she (if its a girl) will have certain priviledges with black men that I never had.

I want to know to black women who married white men and had their children, if this thought ever crossed their mind, and if so how did they deal with it?
BAP

Naperville, IL

#3 Feb 8, 2009
I'm not married to white men and I don't have mixed children obviously but I know black women who've married white men-- many of them were confident and didn't have issues with how they looked. SO it worked. But if you have issues with your skin, and your hair, then I think that you need to work on yourself before you bring a child into the world. What will you teach your daughter? That because she is mixed the world is her oyster?
Believe it or not, just because your daughters biracial doesn't mean she'll have good hair, that she'll be overly attractive, or that black men will be more attracted to her.
Biracial children--those who are mixed with black and white--can come out looking any sort of way. I've seen some that look straight up black--with nappy hair, brown skinned, etc. I've seen some that look white(blonde straight hair, blue eyes, light skin) and I've seen some who look mexican. Most people think that their biracial child will like the stereotypical biracial child with carmel skin, black wavy long hair, and nice facial features--this is rare though, lol.
And I'm going to brutally honest, rarely have I seen a biracial girl that made the black guys go wild. I have biracial cousins--and one of my cousins(a girl) has the nice long silky hair and what not, but on average my black girl cousins who have nappy straight black hair--they get wayyyy more black than my light skinned biracial cousin. In school there were biracial girls, and guess what? I got more play than they did by black guys and white guys. And I'm light brown with nappy hair too lol.
I just don't want you to get it into your head that because a child is biracial she is somehow prettier than a darker skinned child with nappy hair. She may not even want to date black guys(esp. if her dad is white) and black guys may not find her attractive. It seems like you have your own issues with yourself and that you believe(subconsciously) that lighter is better...
There's a chance that your daughter may have nappy hair and light skin. There's a chance she won't. You won't know... But I can tell you one thing, if you don't love yourself--your hair, your looks, your skin--than you won't be able to teach your mixed raced daughter anything.
otis

Toronto, Canada

#4 Feb 8, 2009
What an idiotic question. In the UK where I was born and raised there are now nearly as many mixed race people as there are fully black. Thankfully it is common unlike America where it seems to be a rarity (hence people like you asking these sort of questions)
Anyway back to the point, everyone I've spoken to has no issues with it. Why does it have to be such a big talking point, it's really not that big of a deal.
BAP

Naperville, IL

#5 Feb 8, 2009
Also another comment--are you intentionally looking to date men outside of your race? If you are that's another issue to me. It's one thing if you are attracted to men that aren't black and that is your preference but it's another thing if you target men who aren't black because they aren't black... It seems from your post that you're attracted to black men but may have had issues with them? I just wanted to clarify that?
I'm all for IR marriages if you're marrying for love and not for some odd twisted reason.
Anyways although this is off topic, I would NEVER marry a white man simply because I don't want to have a child that is half white. I wouldn't know how to raise the child--sure I would love the child--but bringing a child that is half white would bring in complications.
If I were to date out of my race it would be with a man of color(latino, asian). Then my child would still look black and I'd be able to trace the child to myself. Which I know may be shallow. BUt I've always been bothered when I see black women/black men with children that look white. I want my child to look like me, not like a white person. I also want a man of color raising my child who will be identified as a person of color--because that person can relate to my child and to me more than a white man can.
I've grown in white wealthy neighborhoods all my life, and while I have no issue with white culture and have dated white men, I won't marry a white western man because I just feel as if he wouldn't be able to raise my child the way a man of color will be able too.
That is my input.

“I account for myself only!”

Since: Dec 08

The land of the living.

#6 Feb 8, 2009
IHeartDancing wrote:
I have recently decided to try to date outside my race.
I am a darskskin woman with very African features, and I have experienced my fair share of discrimination from black men
I worry that if I do end up marrying a White man, and having his children will I be able to love the very thing I feel inferior to?
My children will most likely be lightskin, with a different texture of hair from me. I fear that in some way I will resent them because she (if its a girl) will have certain priviledges with black men that I never had.
I want to know to black women who married white men and had their children, if this thought ever crossed their mind, and if so how did they deal with it?
If you are worried that you will resent your OWN CHILD because of the way she may look, then don't even consider having children.

Don't even think about it.

No child deserves to have mother who resents them for something they cannot change.

You will do more damage to that child if you were to have one while holding those type of feelings within yourself.

You have a deep insecurity about your looks and you seem to think it's centered around Black men when it's not. You allowed yourself to feel that way and you are the only one that can fix it.

You need to work on yourself first, seek counseling, learn to love your beauty,love your differences and stop blaming Black men for the way you feel about yourself and most importantly never think about bringing a child into this world to expose them to a mother who doesn't love herself enough to love them.

FYI, You may have encountered idiotic Black men who have expressed a preference for lighter girls/mixed chicks, but please believe that not all of them are like that.

And being with a White man will not help you.

You are the problem and you have to fix yourself and not subject anyone else to your self-esteem issues.

THis may have come off harsh but you have to really consider what you've just stated and understand that you will do more harm than good to anyone that has to deal with someone who doesn't seem to love themselves.

“My heart and Soul”

Level 1

Since: Sep 08

Long Beach,Ca.

#7 Feb 8, 2009
IHeartDancing wrote:
I have recently decided to try to date outside my race.
I am a darskskin woman with very African features, and I have experienced my fair share of discrimination from black men
I worry that if I do end up marrying a White man, and having his children will I be able to love the very thing I feel inferior to?
My children will most likely be lightskin, with a different texture of hair from me. I fear that in some way I will resent them because she (if its a girl) will have certain priviledges with black men that I never had.
I want to know to black women who married white men and had their children, if this thought ever crossed their mind, and if so how did they deal with it?
Why would you feel inferior to someone with light skin?

Since: Feb 09

Location hidden

#8 Feb 8, 2009
IHeartDancing wrote:
I have recently decided to try to date outside my race.
I am a darskskin woman with very African features, and I have experienced my fair share of discrimination from black men
I worry that if I do end up marrying a White man, and having his children will I be able to love the very thing I feel inferior to?
My children will most likely be lightskin, with a different texture of hair from me. I fear that in some way I will resent them because she (if its a girl) will have certain priviledges with black men that I never had.
I want to know to black women who married white men and had their children, if this thought ever crossed their mind, and if so how did they deal with it?
It's people with your kind of mentality that produces conceited mixed kids who think there are better than black people. Work on your issues before getting any children.

“<3”

Since: Mar 07

Carmel Indiana

#10 Feb 8, 2009
IHeartDancing wrote:
I have recently decided to try to date outside my race.
I am a darskskin woman with very African features, and I have experienced my fair share of discrimination from black men
I worry that if I do end up marrying a White man, and having his children will I be able to love the very thing I feel inferior to?
My children will most likely be lightskin, with a different texture of hair from me. I fear that in some way I will resent them because she (if its a girl) will have certain priviledges with black men that I never had.
I want to know to black women who married white men and had their children, if this thought ever crossed their mind, and if so how did they deal with it?
I'm going to say this with as much kindness as possible:

Get over it.

If you resent light skinned/mixed women, you have other issues to deal with. Before a person gets with a person of a different race, they should make sure they're comfortable and confident with who THEY are. You should be with the person because you love them, period.
otis

Toronto, Canada

#12 Feb 8, 2009
What the hell are you talking about, If one parent is fully black then the bi racial baby isn't going to come out with blonde hair and blue eyes. I am mixed race, my mums two sister have mixed race children. Most of my friends growing up were mixed race and I can assure you that the majority look like myself. Coffee coloured skin, curly hair etc
BAP

Naperville, IL

#13 Feb 8, 2009
CoolChic wrote:
<quoted text>
It's people with your kind of mentality that produces conceited mixed kids who think there are better than black people. Work on your issues before getting any children.
I agree. I've noticed that sometimes black women will purposely have a biracial child because she believes the child will look more attractive than a regular black child and then she'll raise the child to believe she is better than black children simply because she's biracial.
Now don't get me wrong, I've seen some biracial girls that are dimes, but on average they aren't any more attractive than the average blk/latina/white girl. And I hate when people try to put them on pedastal simply because they're mixed or have so called "good hair".
On average a biracial child isn't all that cute. Matter of fact I was out with my best friend who has two black children(one dark, and one brown) and my other friend who is latina and has two children that are half black and half latina. Usually when we are out my latina friend will get a lot of compliments about her children--because one of them is sooo cute. But anyway when all three of us were out, and they had their kids guess which kids recieved the most compliments from whites and blacks? My friend's BLACK children did.
My latina friend was a little surprised.

Since: May 08

Location hidden

#14 Feb 8, 2009
BAP wrote:
I'm not married to white men and I don't have mixed children obviously but I know black women who've married white men-- many of them were confident and didn't have issues with how they looked. SO it worked. But if you have issues with your skin, and your hair, then I think that you need to work on yourself before you bring a child into the world. What will you teach your daughter? That because she is mixed the world is her oyster?
Believe it or not, just because your daughters biracial doesn't mean she'll have good hair, that she'll be overly attractive, or that black men will be more attracted to her.
Biracial children--those who are mixed with black and white--can come out looking any sort of way. I've seen some that look straight up black--with nappy hair, brown skinned, etc. I've seen some that look white(blonde straight hair, blue eyes, light skin) and I've seen some who look mexican. Most people think that their biracial child will like the stereotypical biracial child with carmel skin, black wavy long hair, and nice facial features--this is rare though, lol.
And I'm going to brutally honest, rarely have I seen a biracial girl that made the black guys go wild. I have biracial cousins--and one of my cousins(a girl) has the nice long silky hair and what not, but on average my black girl cousins who have nappy straight black hair--they get wayyyy more black than my light skinned biracial cousin. In school there were biracial girls, and guess what? I got more play than they did by black guys and white guys. And I'm light brown with nappy hair too lol.
I just don't want you to get it into your head that because a child is biracial she is somehow prettier than a darker skinned child with nappy hair. She may not even want to date black guys(esp. if her dad is white) and black guys may not find her attractive. It seems like you have your own issues with yourself and that you believe(subconsciously) that lighter is better...
There's a chance that your daughter may have nappy hair and light skin. There's a chance she won't. You won't know... But I can tell you one thing, if you don't love yourself--your hair, your looks, your skin--than you won't be able to teach your mixed raced daughter anything.
Ima agree with you here.

As the product of an IR myself(Native mother, Black father), I wanna say something.

Even tho both my parents is lightskin, I came out looking like your typical Black man: brownskin, nappy hair(but stay bald), and brown eyes. Also, lightskin women is more attracted to me than darkskin women for some reason.

Anyway, what Im trying to say is: I agree with you when you say being biracial dont necessarily give you good hair or make you more attractive or in my case, make black women more attracted to me.
otis

Toronto, Canada

#16 Feb 8, 2009
Not shit sherlock I'm starting to think this website is saturated with plebs. Of course being mixed doesn't necessarily give you good hair or make you more attractive why would it?

“ZZZZZZZ”

Since: Oct 07

ATL

#17 Feb 8, 2009
BAP wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree. I've noticed that sometimes black women will purposely have a biracial child because she believes the child will look more attractive than a regular black child and then she'll raise the child to believe she is better than black children simply because she's biracial.
Now don't get me wrong, I've seen some biracial girls that are dimes, but on average they aren't any more attractive than the average blk/latina/white girl. And I hate when people try to put them on pedastal simply because they're mixed or have so called "good hair".
On average a biracial child isn't all that cute. Matter of fact I was out with my best friend who has two black children(one dark, and one brown) and my other friend who is latina and has two children that are half black and half latina. Usually when we are out my latina friend will get a lot of compliments about her children--because one of them is sooo cute. But anyway when all three of us were out, and they had their kids guess which kids recieved the most compliments from whites and blacks? My friend's BLACK children did.
My latina friend was a little surprised.
Im surprised these mix baby lovers haven't came and jumped on you yet on here! I agree though
Sista

Pompano Beach, FL

#19 Feb 8, 2009
DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. I REPEAT, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. YOU HAVE ISSUES.
otis

Toronto, Canada

#20 Feb 8, 2009
Or maybe it would be better if we stopped thinking of people in terms of race, and instead went for people who we liked and cared about

“<3”

Since: Mar 07

Carmel Indiana

#21 Feb 8, 2009
tinys myth wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree. And I don't think it's right to intentionally leave out your own race and go to another exclusively.
I agree. When people do that, it seems more like a fetish. I certainly wouldn't want to be some guys black fling.
otis

Toronto, Canada

#22 Feb 8, 2009
Wow nothing better than good old anecdotal derived opinions, splendid
BAP wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree. I've noticed that sometimes black women will purposely have a biracial child because she believes the child will look more attractive than a regular black child and then she'll raise the child to believe she is better than black children simply because she's biracial.
Now don't get me wrong, I've seen some biracial girls that are dimes, but on average they aren't any more attractive than the average blk/latina/white girl. And I hate when people try to put them on pedastal simply because they're mixed or have so called "good hair".
On average a biracial child isn't all that cute. Matter of fact I was out with my best friend who has two black children(one dark, and one brown) and my other friend who is latina and has two children that are half black and half latina. Usually when we are out my latina friend will get a lot of compliments about her children--because one of them is sooo cute. But anyway when all three of us were out, and they had their kids guess which kids recieved the most compliments from whites and blacks? My friend's BLACK children did.
My latina friend was a little surprised.
BAP

Naperville, IL

#23 Feb 8, 2009
otis wrote:
Wow nothing better than good old anecdotal derived opinions, splendid
<quoted text>
What have you given? Most people who responded to their poster RESPONDED with their OWN opinions. My personal experience isn't the truth--I've never stated that it was, I just GAVE her my OPINION. If you want me to spit the facts then you should to? However I doubt there are any facts that state directly that biracial children are prettier are vice versus.

But your a troll, so I'll be ignoring you from here on out.

Level 2

Since: Feb 09

Location hidden

#24 Feb 8, 2009
Well, I figured one way I could do to avoid this problem is to adopt black children. T hat is something I've always wanted to do, since black children are the least race of kids to be taken into homes.
BAP

Naperville, IL

#25 Feb 8, 2009
IHeartDancing wrote:
Well, I figured one way I could do to avoid this problem is to adopt black children. T hat is something I've always wanted to do, since black children are the least race of kids to be taken into homes.
You'll still have to learn to love yourself--how will you raise black babies if you yourself feel inferior as a darker woman?

Believe I've been there before and I'm light brown and although I've never had an issue getting a black man, I have had issues with being a black woman.
I had to learn to love myself and accept myself.

If you don't mind me asking do you not like black men?

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