Why do BM find it so disparaging to n...

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#182 Oct 8, 2013
TimeforHonesty wrote:
<quoted text>
This.
I would like to know how hard it is to control the sexual drive. Why must that be such a focus for some? I am curious if anyone can expound on this.
I understand that humans procreate and are attracted to others. I simply wish that others would be more open to the idea of not everyone choosing a lifestyle of seeking sex or accepting sex. Some of us are asexual, some of us are autosexual and some of us are waiting for marriage or are abstaining for a time period, among a plethora of reasons. Why is this never taken into consideration?
Some will say that you have to try regardless, but I wish that more would adhere to the social decorum, "there's a place and time for everything." While someone is engrossed in work, shopping, take into consideration that not everyone is interested in procreating with you. Right at that minute. It's delusional and absurd.
Also, empathy is another factor; take into account when others are obviously wrapped in their own thoughts. Wouldn't you be annoyed if someone bothered you while you're in deep contemplation? Or bothered you regularly? Try to place yourself in another's shoes. I notice this is not really an issue for others, so I am wondering what is it about the culture that view strangers, colleagues or peers as toys to play with, bother, rather than living, thinking beings.
How best can we advocate a cultural reformation in perception, behavior and lifestyle?
Yes, I understand the need to procreate, and I understand that there are drives and passions. I get that. I lack such drives, but I get the concept.

I agree that what you and I are after is getting others to realize that not everyone is seeking or wanting sex. You are right about some being asexual (not having sexual and/or romantic attractions) or autosexual (preferential masturbation, etc). And yes, some are waiting for marriage or have other reasons to want to abstain. So why aren't these people respected?

I agree on the decorum thing. There is a time and a place for everything. If a woman is in a club and dressed provocatively, it is one thing to come onto them. But if they are on the job, on the way to work or pay bills, etc., then that is another matter, and sexual advances well be less likely to be welcomed or tolerated.

I am happy to be alone and am deeply in my own thoughts every single time I am not interacting with others. I hate it when I am waiting in a line, lost in my own thoughts, another register opens up, and someone other than the clerk violates my privacy to tell me that the other line opened up. And it is mostly people outside my White race who will do this, like my race is somehow inferior and that they have to teach me or "take care of" me like I'm a f**king child.

You end questions are good ones, but I don't have the answers. For me, it is the across racial lines aspect that bothers me, but you show it is even deeper than that.

Level 4

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#183 Oct 8, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, I understand the need to procreate, and I understand that there are drives and passions. I get that. I lack such drives, but I get the concept.
I agree that what you and I are after is getting others to realize that not everyone is seeking or wanting sex. You are right about some being asexual (not having sexual and/or romantic attractions) or autosexual (preferential masturbation, etc). And yes, some are waiting for marriage or have other reasons to want to abstain. So why aren't these people respected?
I agree on the decorum thing. There is a time and a place for everything. If a woman is in a club and dressed provocatively, it is one thing to come onto them. But if they are on the job, on the way to work or pay bills, etc., then that is another matter, and sexual advances well be less likely to be welcomed or tolerated.
I am happy to be alone and am deeply in my own thoughts every single time I am not interacting with others. I hate it when I am waiting in a line, lost in my own thoughts, another register opens up, and someone other than the clerk violates my privacy to tell me that the other line opened up. And it is mostly people outside my White race who will do this, like my race is somehow inferior and that they have to teach me or "take care of" me like I'm a f**king child.
You end questions are good ones, but I don't have the answers. For me, it is the across racial lines aspect that bothers me, but you show it is even deeper than that.
If we can come up with the reasons why this occurs, than perhaps it will be easier to come up with solutions.

Possible reasons include:
They are attempting to control another out in public.
They are attempting to control someone through sex.
The pure physical pleasure of sex is a factor, but if this was the only reason, than they should be content with finding someone whow wants them and not constantly persist when someone refuses, they could find one person who consents and continue to sleep with them in perpetuity.
The pleasure of sexing different people...but why is this necessary?

I am a type of person who hates consciously hurting another. I've met people who take great pleasure in doing the opposite through watching to see if they have caused a person to react in pain. I've met people who seem angry if the person they intend to hurt is not...at least visibly. I wonder if this mentality described has anything to do with this concept of seeking something so intimate as the act of sex in such a public and casual way.

Granted we have different perceptions of sex, but everyone must take that into account, including those who badger others in public and professional areas.

The behaviors appear akin to a sexually traumatized person.

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#184 Oct 8, 2013
TimeforHonesty wrote:
<quoted text>
If we can come up with the reasons why this occurs, than perhaps it will be easier to come up with solutions.
Possible reasons include:
They are attempting to control another out in public.
They are attempting to control someone through sex.
The pure physical pleasure of sex is a factor, but if this was the only reason, than they should be content with finding someone whow wants them and not constantly persist when someone refuses, they could find one person who consents and continue to sleep with them in perpetuity.
The pleasure of sexing different people...but why is this necessary?
I am a type of person who hates consciously hurting another. I've met people who take great pleasure in doing the opposite through watching to see if they have caused a person to react in pain. I've met people who seem angry if the person they intend to hurt is not...at least visibly. I wonder if this mentality described has anything to do with this concept of seeking something so intimate as the act of sex in such a public and casual way.
Granted we have different perceptions of sex, but everyone must take that into account, including those who badger others in public and professional areas.
The behaviors appear akin to a sexually traumatized person.
If they are trying to control others in public or through sex, it is usually unconscious. If they knew they were doing that, they might be less likely to do it. My guess is that they lack self-awareness.

I think so many are just depressed and empty and use sex like a drug, and they assume everyone is addicted and want what they want. Yes, there is pure pleasure, and I agree, they should find someone who wants it too and about as much and settle down with them.

Ego seems to tie into it. They have low self-esteem and need an ego boost, and they get it by trying to convince people who wouldn't have them into having sex with. The refusals raise the bar for them and are taken as challenges to overcome. So the more reluctant a partner, the more mastery and bigger boost they get.

Yes, there are those who feel they require different partners. I once had a coworker who was also White, and he said he was bisexual, and that he liked p*ssy, and that it had to be different p*ssy. I couldn't wrap my mind around that. Maybe he is a psychic vampire who uses sex to take another person's life force, and when that diminishes he moves on to a fresh supply. I have no idea, but that seems to be how it is in the gay scene according to various writers. They look for "fresh meat" and choose very young partners who are naive and not burned out by the scene. That is a self-defeating mindset since that is what they all want, "fresh meat." But obviously, they can't all have that. The newness wears off and the partner becomes wise and jaded, and they move on. It tends to go back to the drug addict mentality, where addicts constantly try to chase their first high, or chase a stronger and deeper high, not realizing they can never have that.

Yes, some are bullies, and that isn't right. Wanting to see others hurt and being when when they are not goes back to the ego boost and mastery mentality. They have to leave a mark to feel they have any power at all. They have a paradigm of lack, and a zero-sum mentality. They don't think anyone can win or get ahead without others losing. Plus that can tie in with racism and classism. So if you feel you must hurt others to have, then you target members of the "enemy" group.

And yes, constant badgering for sex can leave others feeling traumatized, and leave scars nearly as deep as rape.

Level 7

Since: Jul 08

Location hidden

#185 Oct 8, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>I am happy to be alone and am deeply in my own thoughts every single time I am not interacting with others. I hate it when I am waiting in a line, lost in my own thoughts, another register opens up, and someone other than the clerk violates my privacy to tell me that the other line opened up. And it is mostly people outside my White race who will do this, like my race is somehow inferior and that they have to teach me or "take care of" me like I'm a f**king child.
You were doing alright until you got here. So you have an issue when some non-white person shows you a courtesy and informs you of a line opening up (while you are, by your own admission, lost in thought) instead of leaping in front of you knowing you were ahead in line? Is that it? You have some serious issues, lady.
Albert B

Harrow, UK

#186 Oct 8, 2013
I think this is an American or online thing mostly used by people who have a hard time finding a mate.

“Israel uses Jim Crow Terrorism”

Level 7

Since: Jan 08

Location hidden

#187 Oct 8, 2013
Brngthtrth2u wrote:
Kola_Koca wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow that whole paragraph for me! I am soo flattered that you come on topix to love to hate me :) Give you info on my vicinity? Why so you can do a driveby with your kids in the backseat? Lmao no thanks. I hate your hoodrat antics you are a bad example for men of all creeds. Am I bad? No see that is the difference between class and hoodrats. Your hood mentality believes being bad is something to be proud of. Outside of prison normal people strive on goodness. Thanks for the offer though ;)
Brngthtrth2u responded;(See her post #161)
Is this one of your sly racist comments about the young lady in Washington, D.C.?
****PEOPLE READ THE PREVIOUS POST. THIS IS FROM A RACIST WHO WANTS TO SAY RACIST AND SLY THINGS RIGHT TO YOU WITHOUT YOU BEING ABLE TO PICK IT UP. READ HER/ITS/HIS REFERENCE TO THE TROUBLED YOUNG LADY IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
THIS IS A RACIST AND AFRICAN AMERICAN HATER PEOPLE.....IF YOU READ OTHER COMMENTS YOU WILL FIND THIS TROLL ALSO WORKS FOR TOPIX. MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT THIS POST. ITS REALITY. HERE'S ALL THE PROOF YOU NEED THIS PERSON TRYING TO PLAY UP AND UP IS NOTHING MORE THAN AN ACT...AN ACT PEOPLE...SEE IT...HEAR IT...AND UNDERSTAND IT. THIS IS A FAKE POSTER...
FAKE TO THE BONE. A NOTHING AZZ NO GOOD TRICK AZZ FRONTIN' LYING SCAMMY SCABBY AZZ NO GOOD FOR NOTHING SKANKY AZZ PIECE OF SH*T AND RIGHTFULLY STATED.
Failing to see the racism...
quite white

Bakersville, NC

#188 Oct 8, 2013
Spit-Fiyah wrote:
<quoted text>thats an honest question and something i cant understand.why are bw this way?were your mothers too bust selling themselves(and you)for drugs ect to teach bw proper hygeine?
correct me if i am wrong but i think many many other topix member touched on this subject also.
It dey end-stank. Most are too fat to reach the stinkiest parts. Plus they thank dey musk turns men on. It is like dogs smelling each others butts. Not quite evolved from the ape.

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#189 Oct 8, 2013
DerekJ wrote:
<quoted text>
You were doing alright until you got here. So you have an issue when some non-white person shows you a courtesy and informs you of a line opening up (while you are, by your own admission, lost in thought) instead of leaping in front of you knowing you were ahead in line? Is that it? You have some serious issues, lady.
I was doing alright the whole time. The only person who has a right to care how good I am doing or to evaluate me is me.

I only mentioned that to make a point to bolster the rest, never to be discussed. You are only supposed to discuss ideas, never people. When I mention something personal, it is never about me, but to help others in an impersonal manner and make a point. So if you see something about me, ignore the me part and just look at the impersonal principles and ideas and see how they fit the rest. Many WP are smart enough to discuss ideas without discussing people or taking things to a personal level, so why not you?

It is not about courtesy. EVERY time a non-White does it, is about being patronizing and controlling. It is a power gesture, since ONLY superiors are supposed to help inferiors, never equals. Only controllers care what mere STRANGERS do. I am in my own world and WP know that, and inherently know it is immoral and wrong to get the attention of someone who is obviously self-absorbed unless they are an authority figure OVER the person. It is only the job of the clerk to tell me, nobody else. It the job of other customers to move up if they want and care only about themselves. If the clerk (or a cop, or my parents, or a supervisor, or my pastor) says it, I would be grateful, but not if non-authority figures (equal strangers) do it. If I am in the wrong, then it is not your job as a mere equal or stranger. Instead, you must go to a police officer, manager, or other authority figure and tell them. It is only their job to deal with me or correct me, not yours. It is immoral to step out of rank and do the job of authority figures.

When a Black person forces help on a White person, they are saying they own them. If BP want to be treated as equal, they must act as equals, and making power gestures over those they want to treat them as equals is an act of aggression and does not work. You are only supposed to help those who are inferior to you. You give money to those who are too inferior to do what it takes (legally) to have their own money. You help children because they are inferior to adults, and as their parents you sort of "own" them. You help the handicapped because there is something wrong with them. A boss helps and employee because they are the boss and can.

However, it is not because non-White people do it, but because non-White people are the ONLY ones who have ever done this with me. WP know how important solitude and individuality is to White people. They can see all the hints and clues I give off that says to leave me alone.

I wasn't admitting to being lost in thought. ALL persons are supposed to be lost in thought in line and tune out STRANGERS. If you don't know them, they are not an authority figure, they are not your family, and they didn't choose to be your friend, then you have no right to talk to them or notice them. Sure, if they were unconscious or in danger, that would be different.

If I am too stupid to notice a line I might not even want to move to is opening up, then that is my loss. Consequences must only come from authority figures or the hard, impersonal realities of life, never others. If someone does wrong, then they must be punished and suffer to where they will be permanently rendered to do whatever ever again. If someone is a drunk, you don't ride them or nag them. Let them get themselves in trouble or make themselves sick. When they are tired of it, they will change. If not, the world is better without them. The whole purpose of life is to become strong enough to needs others the least amount possible.
Under Employed

Toronto, Canada

#190 Oct 8, 2013
They still haven't institutionalized you you spotted duck? Quack quack you are a loon.

Level 7

Since: Jul 08

Location hidden

#191 Oct 8, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
I was doing alright the whole time. The only person who has a right to care how good I am doing or to evaluate me is me.
I only mentioned that to make a point to bolster the rest, never to be discussed. You are only supposed to discuss ideas, never people. When I mention something personal, it is never about me, but to help others in an impersonal manner and make a point. So if you see something about me, ignore the me part and just look at the impersonal principles and ideas and see how they fit the rest. Many WP are smart enough to discuss ideas without discussing people or taking things to a personal level, so why not you?
It is not about courtesy.

[Middle snipped due to excessive verbosity and the 4000 character limit]

When a Black person forces help on a White person, they are saying they own them. If BP want to be treated as equal, they must act as equals, and making power gestures over those they want to treat them as equals is an act of aggression and does not work. You are only supposed to help those who are inferior to you. You give money to those who are too inferior to do what it takes (legally) to have their own money. You help children because they are inferior to adults, and as their parents you sort of "own" them. You help the handicapped because there is something wrong with them. A boss helps and employee because they are the boss and can.
However, it is not because non-White people do it, but because non-White people are the ONLY ones who have ever done this with me. WP know how important solitude and individuality is to White people. They can see all the hints and clues I give off that says to leave me alone.
I wasn't admitting to being lost in thought. ALL persons are supposed to be lost in thought in line and tune out STRANGERS. If you don't know them, they are not an authority figure, they are not your family, and they didn't choose to be your friend, then you have no right to talk to them or notice them. Sure, if they were unconscious or in danger, that would be different.
If I am too stupid to notice a line I might not even want to move to is opening up, then that is my loss. Consequences must only come from authority figures or the hard, impersonal realities of life, never others. If someone does wrong, then they must be punished and suffer to where they will be permanently rendered to do whatever ever again. If someone is a drunk, you don't ride them or nag them. Let them get themselves in trouble or make themselves sick. When they are tired of it, they will change. If not, the world is better without them. The whole purpose of life is to become strong enough to needs others the least amount possible.
You have one of the strangest outlooks on interpersonal relationships that I have ever seen. You belong on your own or with very few other humans. Have you looked into that Mars excursion that I referred you to recently? You really should give it serious consideration. Here's the link in case you lost it:

http://www.mars-one.com/en/

“"Class, the #1 Motivator"”

Level 8

Since: Aug 09

Location hidden

#192 Oct 8, 2013
fair_guy wrote:
<quoted text>
Failing to see the racism...
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. You get what you get...when you get it!

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#193 Oct 8, 2013
Under Employed wrote:
They still haven't institutionalized you you spotted duck? Quack quack you are a loon.
LOL! I'd rather be a spotted duck than a trolling f**k.

It is only crazy because you lack the intellect and depth to comprehend it.

Level 4

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#194 Oct 8, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
If they are trying to control others in public or through sex, it is usually unconscious. If they knew they were doing that, they might be less likely to do it. My guess is that they lack self-awareness.
Ego seems to tie into it. They have low self-esteem and need an ego boost, and they get it by trying to convince people who wouldn't have them into having sex with. The refusals raise the bar for them and are taken as challenges to overcome. So the more reluctant a partner, the more mastery and bigger boost they get.
Yes, there are those who feel they require different partners. I once had a coworker who was also White, and he said he was bisexual, and that he liked p*ssy, and that it had to be different p*ssy. I couldn't wrap my mind around that. Maybe he is a psychic vampire who uses sex to take another person's life force, and when that diminishes he moves on to a fresh supply. I have no idea, but that seems to be how it is in the gay scene according to various writers. They look for "fresh meat" and choose very young partners who are naive and not burned out by the scene. That is a self-defeating mindset since that is what they all want, "fresh meat." But obviously, they can't all have that. The newness wears off and the partner becomes wise and jaded, and they move on. It tends to go back to the drug addict mentality, where addicts constantly try to chase their first high, or chase a stronger and deeper high, not realizing they can never have that.
Yes, some are bullies, and that isn't right. Wanting to see others hurt and being when when they are not goes back to the ego boost and mastery mentality. They have to leave a mark to feel they have any power at all. They have a paradigm of lack, and a zero-sum mentality. They don't think anyone can win or get ahead without others losing. Plus that can tie in with racism and classism. So if you feel you must hurt others to have, then you target members of the "enemy" group.
And yes, constant badgering for sex can leave others feeling traumatized, and leave scars nearly as deep as rape.
You think they lack self awareness; I disagree. I believe that most are VERY aware of what they are doing. I say this as my experiences generally include waiting until I'm alone or with another small woman, or telling me to be quiet while on the phone with their wives, or prefacing an abusive act by, "I know I'm being rude, but...," and other strategies that I am not able to articulate at the moment, but include regular glaring, snapping, not leaving when asked, persisting after rejections, etc. Forms of intimidation and control.

So we seem to have a general understanding of the mentality...more or less. How can we change it or use this intel to get away from those like this?

A point of clarification. I believe those who seek sex like this are sexually traumatized...or generally traumatized. The behaviors I've experienced and I describe are abnormal. Again, this goes back to my idea of mental therapy needing to become more popularized and accepted...but how? I think celebrities discussing the benefits of mental therapy might aid in this. What else?

I do also agree that the experiences I've undergone are akin to rape...at least mental, reviewing the disturbing experiences that happen, and continue to happen, no matter how nice I am, rude I am, quiet I am. I've gone through forced contact, years of harassment - sexual and otherwise and much more. I am one hundred percent positive that the only reason I have not been raped is because I've turned down many invitations for leisure hang out with colleagues and peers, who rubbed me the wrong way for many reasons, only to be confirmed once they decide they are "comfortable" enough around me. Their definition of comfortable is regularly seeing me at work or school, by the way.

I am fortunate to know that others do experience it and empathize, and I would like for us to find ways to end this.

Level 4

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#195 Oct 8, 2013
Spotted Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
If they are trying to control others in public or through sex, it is usually unconscious. If they knew they were doing that, they might be less likely to do it. My guess is that they lack self-awareness.
Yes, there are those who feel they require different partners. I once had a coworker who was also White, and he said he was bisexual, and that he liked p*ssy, and that it had to be different p*ssy. I couldn't wrap my mind around that. Maybe he is a psychic vampire who uses sex to take another person's life force, and when that diminishes he moves on to a fresh supply. I have no idea, but that seems to be how it is in the gay scene according to various writers. They look for "fresh meat" and choose very young partners who are naive and not burned out by the scene. That is a self-defeating mindset since that is what they all want, "fresh meat." But obviously, they can't all have that. The newness wears off and the partner becomes wise and jaded, and they move on. It tends to go back to the drug addict mentality, where addicts constantly try to chase their first high, or chase a stronger and deeper high, not realizing they can never have that.
Yes, some are bullies, and that isn't right. Wanting to see others hurt and being when when they are not goes back to the ego boost and mastery mentality. They have to leave a mark to feel they have any power at all. They have a paradigm of lack, and a zero-sum mentality. They don't think anyone can win or get ahead without others losing. Plus that can tie in with racism and classism. So if you feel you must hurt others to have, then you target members of the "enemy" group.
And yes, constant badgering for sex can leave others feeling traumatized, and leave scars nearly as deep as rape.
You think they lack self awareness; I disagree. I believe that most are VERY aware of what they are doing. I say this as my experiences generally include waiting until I'm alone or with another small woman, or telling me to be quiet while on the phone with their wives, or prefacing an abusive act by, "I know I'm being rude, but...," and other strategies that I am not able to articulate at the moment, but include regular glaring, snapping, not leaving when asked, persisting after rejections, etc. Forms of intimidation and control.

So we seem to have a general understanding of the mentality...more or less. How can we change it or use this intel to get away from those like this?

A point of clarification. I believe those who seek sex like this are sexually traumatized...or generally traumatized. The behaviors I've experienced and I describe are abnormal. Again, this goes back to my idea of mental therapy needing to become more popularized and accepted...but how? I think celebrities discussing the benefits of mental therapy might aid in this. What else?

I do also agree that the experiences I've undergone are akin to rape...at least mental, reviewing the disturbing experiences that happen, and continue to happen, no matter how nice I am, rude I am, quiet I am. I've gone through forced contact, years of harassment - sexual and otherwise and much more. I am one hundred percent positive that the only reason I have not been raped is because I've turned down many invitations for leisure hang out with colleagues and peers, who rubbed me the wrong way for many reasons, only to be confirmed once they decide they are "comfortable" enough around me. Their definition of comfortable is regularly seeing me at work or school, by the way.

I am fortunate to know that others do experience it and empathize, and I would like for us to find ways to end this.

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#196 Oct 8, 2013
DerekJ wrote:
<quoted text>
You have one of the strangest outlooks on interpersonal relationships that I have ever seen. You belong on your own or with very few other humans. Have you looked into that Mars excursion that I referred you to recently? You really should give it serious consideration.
Not really strange. I just believe things you don't agree with. At least you're starting to get it. Most of what I believe is what most WP inherently understand without being told. All should get it since it's self-evident & logical. I don't belong just on my own, but with my family & chosen friends. If I'm not the first to choose a friendship, I don't want it. I may play along because it is wrong not to, since it is wrong to say no (& wrong to force anyone to have to say no), but I don't respect nor value anything imposed onto me. I believe the following:

1. People should mainly only relate mainly with their family, existing friends, authority figures, and anyone they need for a specific purpose.

2. Interactions with people outside your family and peer group & who are not in an authority rank over you should be avoided.

3. It is wrong to step outside your rank.

4. Helping another without their prior permission says you own them. It also limits their options since they might want to do it differently than how you're trying to help them. So your help ruins their entire purpose for doing whatever.

5. Doing things yourself is preferable in most situations. There have been times that I wanted to struggle alone in front of others so others would be proud of me. Instead, they steal my opportunity for an ego boost. Then I have to destroy what was done, remove all value of what they done, and punish myself in someway for having something wrong with me to make them think I was inferior & needed them in the first place, so things will be like they were before they interfered without even asking me if I wanted or would appreciate their help. The I have to recreate the opportunity they stole from me.

6. You should get all cues about others from what they say.

7. It is wrong to bother someone when they are busy or self-absorbed. It doesn't matter what you want, and it doesn't matter how much your intrusion is supposed to help them. The fact they didn't ask for it is what is important.

8. Emotions are only the business of whatever person. with them. Thoughts & logic are public, feelings are private.

9. It's wrong to mention what you think are character defects in the person you're talking to. It is nobody's business how calm someone is, whether they are angry, etc. Besides, you can't really know unless they actually tell you. Tone of voice, volume, stupid gestures, expressions, etc., mean little & may contradict the true intentions that can only come out in words. However, about 70% of communication is non-verbal, so many put stock in things other than the literal words & verbal thoughts of people.

10. It's disrespectful to label anyone with any negative emotion. I don't go around accusing others of being angry, afraid, upset, etc., at random.

11. Gender cues should only come from behavior and clothes. Gender identity has nothing to do with the body. There are only 2 social roles (male and female) & nearly everyone tries to fit into one or the other. Everyone should have the right to self-define, so if someone dresses & acts like a woman, everyone is obligated to call them female pronouns. Parents should teach gender dichotomy to their kids and teach them what only people of one gender or the other are supposed to wear, and that if in doubt, you look at the trappings and treat them accordingly.

12. When in doubt of what to do, do nothing at all.

13. Ignore others & allow them to decide what to do when they want to. So if someone is trying to cross, don't make room for them. Instead, pull out as soon as safely possible & let them move out when they want to.

14. Never tell others to calm down, just let them.

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#197 Oct 8, 2013
TimeforHonesty wrote:
<quoted text>
You think they lack self awareness; I disagree. I believe that most are VERY aware of what they are doing. I say this as my experiences generally include waiting until I'm alone or with another small woman, or telling me to be quiet while on the phone with their wives, or prefacing an abusive act by, "I know I'm being rude, but...," and other strategies that I am not able to articulate at the moment, but include regular glaring, snapping, not leaving when asked, persisting after rejections, etc. Forms of intimidation and control.
So we seem to have a general understanding of the mentality...more or less. How can we change it or use this intel to get away from those like this?
A point of clarification. I believe those who seek sex like this are sexually traumatized...or generally traumatized. The behaviors I've experienced and I describe are abnormal. Again, this goes back to my idea of mental therapy needing to become more popularized and accepted...but how? I think celebrities discussing the benefits of mental therapy might aid in this. What else?
I do also agree that the experiences I've undergone are akin to rape...at least mental, reviewing the disturbing experiences that happen, and continue to happen, no matter how nice I am, rude I am, quiet I am. I've gone through forced contact, years of harassment - sexual and otherwise and much more. I am one hundred percent positive that the only reason I have not been raped is because I've turned down many invitations for leisure hang out with colleagues and peers, who rubbed me the wrong way for many reasons, only to be confirmed once they decide they are "comfortable" enough around me. Their definition of comfortable is regularly seeing me at work or school, by the way.
I am fortunate to know that others do experience it and empathize, and I would like for us to find ways to end this.
They may be aware of what they are doing without knowing why or even knowing it hurts others. Just because they know what they want doesn't mean they know themselves. What you share is the predator mindset. But knowing what they plan to do is not self-awareness as I mean the term. They have urges they don't understand and give into them. If they had self-awareness, the urges might diminish, or they would be free to find other ways to meet them.

An example of what I think you mean is like the guy in a convenient store very late. The clerk was female, and there was another customer in the store. The man loitered for a while, picked out a can of beans, and loitered some more until the customer left. Then he went up to the counter, sat down the can, pulled out his penis, and placed that on the counter. What did the clerk do? She picked up the can and struck the offending part very hard. So what he did was premeditated as evidenced by waiting until the store was clear.

Telling you to be quiet is a form of control. However, they know they are mistreating their wife by trying to get something started with you. So a guilty consciences.

Yes, most abusers of any type tend to either announce or deny their abuse before doing it. "I'm not trying to be racist, but..." It is like unsolicited warnings that some thieves give, "You know you shouldn't leave that stuff unattended...," as if announcing that somehow makes theft okay.

While sexual trauma may be a cause, it might not be the only one. I see it more as a wounded sense of power or a wounded ego. Sexuality is only one expression of that.

Yes, more people need therapy, but the ego of the worst of the abusers tells them they are okay or causes them to reject the notion as an affront to who they are.

Well, being "nice" only lets predator types think you enjoy it, and they take quietness for consent. But if you say no, they either don't take it seriously, think you are playing games, take it as pro-forma (ie., a first refusal before saying yes), or think they can wear you down.
Amoron

Howell, MI

#198 Oct 8, 2013
because your an idiot And getting laid is good in every culture dumbass..

even the white ones..
Amoron

Howell, MI

#199 Oct 8, 2013
you know what babylon is right?? All them white people having random sex orgies..
Ablackmancutheem self

Howell, MI

#200 Oct 8, 2013
it should be on southpark have like A black guy steal a racist white woman from a racist white guy and turn n ot racist.. but then she dumps him and then dates another black guy then he shoots himself it would be funny As hell..

Spotted Girl

“The Spotted Girl News Network”

Level 8

Since: Apr 09

Spotted World

#201 Oct 8, 2013
TimeforHonesty wrote:
<quoted text>
So we seem to have a general understanding of the mentality...more or less. How can we change it or use this intel to get away from those like this?
A point of clarification. I believe those who seek sex like this are sexually traumatized...or generally traumatized. The behaviors I've experienced and I describe are abnormal. Again, this goes back to my idea of mental therapy needing to become more popularized and accepted...but how? I think celebrities discussing the benefits of mental therapy might aid in this. What else?
I do also agree that the experiences I've undergone are akin to rape...at least mental, reviewing the disturbing experiences that happen, and continue to happen, no matter how nice I am, rude I am, quiet I am. I've gone through forced contact, years of harassment - sexual and otherwise and much more. I am one hundred percent positive that the only reason I have not been raped is because I've turned down many invitations for leisure hang out with colleagues and peers, who rubbed me the wrong way for many reasons, only to be confirmed once they decide they are "comfortable" enough around me. Their definition of comfortable is regularly seeing me at work or school, by the way.
I am fortunate to know that others do experience it and empathize, and I would like for us to find ways to end this.
Yes, therapy is a place to start, but there seems to be more needed. But what?

We've discussed legislation, but we should think that carefully. We don't want to make the playing field more dangerous. If we punish harassment as seriously as even worse things, then it could increase those things. If robbery is punished as much as murder, more may murder since the time would be the same.

Yes, certain types of social invitations can increase the chances of rape. We must be careful in saying that anything invites rape. I mean, nothing a woman can do justifies it. That said, there are situations where it is more common, though that shifts with culture and time. I mean, there are peers who may try to push a relationship faster than it is meant to go. At a party, there is peer pressure and drugs, and if a girl gets separated from her safe girl group or the general crowd and gets alone with several guys who will cover for each other, it can spell disaster. Plus drugs can become a part of things, and used to bend the will of others.

Drugging people to rape them is a real risk. I knew a girl who wasted good soft drink, even that which belonged to others, because of hyper-vigilance. Apparently, this happened to her, and she would pour out unattended drinks or throw partial bottles away, just to be on the safe side.

As a side note, there was an episode of Dragnet (old cop show) where a man passed out in a bar. While waiting on the ambulance, the officers already there went though his pockets and found a vial of chloral hydrate, and some of it was missing. They asked themselves why someone would give themselves a "Mickey Finn." (That name for drugging someone comes from an infamous bartender named Michael Finn who drugged people's drinks, stole from them, and then placed them behind the bar.) Then the girl who was supposed to meet this guy got scared for a moment. She quickly realized who the intended target probably was. Somehow the drinks got swapped and he drank hers. Nowadays, it is more likely to be GHB or roofies rather than chloral hydrate, though one of the most common date rape drugs is still alcohol. Sometimes it is the other way around. An influential man hires a prostitute or escort, they have a few drinks, and he wakes up alone, without money, cell phone, credit cards, vehicle, etc.

A very unwise practice of women tired of being harassed or taken for a sex worker is accepting payment and then ripping them off. That can lead to violence. One would steal the cars of such men, and she was lucky to go to prison rather than face their violence.

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