i think aaw should love their race, culture, heritage, and community.<quoted text>
Selflessness. Now that's an interesting idea... I think you're on to something.
So, as a result of bad experiences (whether your own or someone you know) a bw develops a fear of being hurt. And with that fear you no longer open yourself to vulnerability. And once you're afraid to be vulnerable, how can a person be selfless?
This might seem like a no brainer to most men, but me being a bw, I think about some of the single bw I know who can be the most selfless, loving, caring people I know. But I do notice that they can hesitate to show this side in relationships in fear of being taken advantage of. And how can you have love when you're afraid to love??
So what comes first the chicken or the egg? Is it the women who need to just change their minds and step out on faith that this man won't be the one to hurt them? or should the men begin to realize the effect that they themself or another brotha caused in a sista, who then carries that pain to the next relationship. What if bm began to treat every sista with love whether they were with that person romantically or not-- which would have positive effects on the next black couple and our community as a whole?
I do think if aaw were more cautious with who we get involved with and allow in their life in the first place, we would then be free to love as hard as we can-- making us selfless, which causes a man to love her harder...
Sorry if I'm thinking too mechanically about this, but I'm really trying to pinpoint where the disconnect happens.
Idk, what are your thoughts?
(The other comments about # of fathers, setting and achieving goals, etc all make sense as well, but the aspect of selflessness intrigued me the most)
imo the reason why many aaw have a hard time supporting, bonding with bm, and being 'selfless' with their own men, is due to their general lack of love for selves.
i really don't think the aaw's behavior has much to do with their experiences with bm.
many aaw will be more naturally selfless with a wm, even though wm generally have no serious interest in bw, and in fact represent a history of ridiculous hate and violence against everything bw represent.
but despite that we see aaw validating themselves through images of irr with wm, which we now see in every media outlet there is. i think this recent phenomena of aaw openly and aggressively promoting wm (and even white supremacy in some cases) has exposed a mindset that was previously suspected to have existed.
women are only selfless with men who they naturally attracted to. this would be 'his woman', and the aam has never had his own woman.