Black women, what has happened to us??

“Black Luv or Bust!”

Level 7

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#102 Apr 4, 2014
Proud Sis wrote:
<quoted text>
Feminine/femininity beauty "needs" or should I say desire, positive feedback from masculinity...
Excellent comment....agreed!

Yes feminine beauty's value needs to be confirmed...and men need to be raised to understand this!

This is the Ying and the Yang of the two sexes!

“Lovely soul”

Level 2

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#106 Apr 5, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
This isn't a bashing thread at all, it's one where I hope people can speak honestly about this topic/subject WITHOUT resorting to name calling. I have a few concerns...
1. Black women used to be hailed for having the best bodies of any race, curvacious and slim, or athletic and feminine, etc... So how did we become a race with so many obese women?? When did many Black women stop caring for their bodies and get comfortable just gaining weight? The last time I went to a McDonalds, there were around 5 overweight Black women inside. BIG women. Two had children (who they were affectionately yelling at), one was obese but dressed like she'd come from work, and the others were chubby teens. THIS is common, especially when you look at the stats, or just around at some Black females in general. How did this happen? Why have Black women stopped viewing their bodies as sexy, or as something beautiful to be cared for and managed??
2. Attitudes. I've recently taken nice little journey's into the inner city community near mine only to find that some Black women dislike me. I have been yelled at for things I just don't understand, or talked down to by women working in customer service jobs or whatever. NOT ALL, or even most, but way more often than rude women in other races. Some of them seem power hungry, like they're so anxious to put someone down that they use their jobs to do it.
I asked my grandmother about this, and she says that many African Americans were Not this angry when she was young, and her generation lived through Jim Crow and segregation! She says that it changed around the 1970s when younger Blacks began to speak openly about their issues and then it fueled a culture where struggle is more defining of self than any kind of self motivation or family. People view their Blackness in their suffering and pain. From then to now, you have Blacks raising new generations of victim minded, angry Black youth.
3. All of these many single parent households with young moms. How??? and why?? Birth control is all over and very easy to get, so why is there such a problem of this in our community? Black women, why don't some of us value our bodies enough to birth children from men that we love, and to have a child with more foundation? Has welfare honestly replaced loving relationships for some Black females? What is going on where these women are so apt to just have kids that they KNOW will struggle in life, and when they KNOW the father is not a good guy?? Aren't women supposed to be more nurturing and wanting their children to have the best in life? So what twisted in some Black women to make them lose that?
4. Do the majority of African American women value themselves? Do they FEEL good about who they are? I honestly get the feeling like that answer is no. I really do, and that is sad. I feel like there is a false sense of pride with many, and many will also answer this thread saying that they ARE soooooo confident and happy and many Black women are!... but then where do these issues come from? If these Black women are really all so happy and so confident, then why doesn't any of it show, at all?:(
If it helps...my friends and I waited until we were 18 to lose our virginities (After graduation). I'm still the only one who still hasn't lost it, and honestly I'm not in a rush.
carmen

Columbus, OH

#107 Apr 5, 2014
RBALLA wrote:
<quoted text>
Lol. You something else.
:)

Level 8

Since: Aug 09

Saint Louis, MO

#120 Apr 6, 2014
ME HOP SING wrote:
What affects bw affects bm too.
What affects bm affects bw too.
You black people do more talking up gender roles and it can be seen right here in this thread. Bw this or bm that!
Keep defending gender over race and keep dividing.
They are mainly aping liberal white feminism. Not once have they mentioned anything about the traditional roles of the sexes in Africa. For example, all of the women in the Bible and Islamic Tradition have been ignored. These Topix black mamas want us all to adopt the European standards of "gay rights" etc. But for us to do so is to take more than one step backwards. The Biblical woman and the Islamic woman is far more advanced than anything from western Europe. But Topic black mamas are too ignorant to know better.

“Bow Chika Wow Wow”

Level 4

Since: Sep 12

Location hidden

#122 Apr 7, 2014
Aliyah wrote:
<quoted text>
You opinions is based off the ghetto girls you live around. You aint no different than the white racists who say stuff about black folk based on the few they met. You sound stupid.
Lol, I don't live in a ghetto. Please tell me, though, if I did live in a ghetto and based my knowledge on the ghetto Black girls around, then how is that a limited selection, when there ARE many Black ghettos in the U.S? Face it, ghetto girls are not an extreme minority in our group, you go to many majority Black cities and you can find some "ratchet" women while the majority of the Black females in those areas fit a few negative stereotypes each. Either more abrasive, or loud or overweight, etc.. if most Black women were so well put together, approachable, fun to be around and beautiful then we wouldn't have such negative stereotypes. We're like the second poorest demographic in America, with the highest obesity rates and most children born out of wedlock. You're right though, everything about us is Wonderful!! So many of us dress wonderfully, are very well educated and the most confident, happy women anyone could ever meet! AINT that the truth. Aint it?

Level 4

Since: May 13

Location hidden

#123 Apr 7, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
<quoted text>
Lol, I don't live in a ghetto. Please tell me, though, if I did live in a ghetto and based my knowledge on the ghetto Black girls around, then how is that a limited selection, when there ARE many Black ghettos in the U.S? Face it, ghetto girls are not an extreme minority in our group, you go to many majority Black cities and you can find some "ratchet" women while the majority of the Black females in those areas fit a few negative stereotypes each. Either more abrasive, or loud or overweight, etc.. if most Black women were so well put together, approachable, fun to be around and beautiful then we wouldn't have such negative stereotypes. We're like the second poorest demographic in America, with the highest obesity rates and most children born out of wedlock. You're right though, everything about us is Wonderful!! So many of us dress wonderfully, are very well educated and the most confident, happy women anyone could ever meet! AINT that the truth. Aint it?
I completely understand why so many are quick to defend BW due to the incessant negativity, but there is a difference between insults and constructive feedback, which the latter PinkPearl provides...just think about it everyone.

“Lovely soul”

Level 2

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#124 Apr 7, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
<quoted text>
Lol, I don't live in a ghetto. Please tell me, though, if I did live in a ghetto and based my knowledge on the ghetto Black girls around, then how is that a limited selection, when there ARE many Black ghettos in the U.S? Face it, ghetto girls are not an extreme minority in our group, you go to many majority Black cities and you can find some "ratchet" women while the majority of the Black females in those areas fit a few negative stereotypes each. Either more abrasive, or loud or overweight, etc.. if most Black women were so well put together, approachable, fun to be around and beautiful then we wouldn't have such negative stereotypes. We're like the second poorest demographic in America, with the highest obesity rates and most children born out of wedlock. You're right though, everything about us is Wonderful!! So many of us dress wonderfully, are very well educated and the most confident, happy women anyone could ever meet! AINT that the truth. Aint it?
The thing is...we've been considered the ugliest with the highest rates of confidence. Everything you said is true, but doesn't that bother you?

“Bow Chika Wow Wow”

Level 4

Since: Sep 12

Location hidden

#125 Apr 7, 2014
Truth is, I have traveled and I've known a lot of people, I've said this before. I'm also not stupid, that actually sounds hilarious coming from some on this site. I'm just not crazy enough to put a bandaid on a hemoragging wound. Many Black women DO have some issues, and just turning a blind eye to say we're all fine, just to temporarily fix the problem, does nothing in the long run. Stereotypes will continue, the biggest issue Black women have to face is that Black MEN are actually changing their stereotypes in the U.S, Black women are not. If nothing changes, then Black women would be the face of Black America and racism will be directed at mainly just us... or is that already happening? Ut oh...

So let's just deny it and take the easy route.

“Bow Chika Wow Wow”

Level 4

Since: Sep 12

Location hidden

#129 Apr 7, 2014
Tishauna wrote:
<quoted text>
The thing is...we've been considered the ugliest with the highest rates of confidence. Everything you said is true, but doesn't that bother you?
It does bother me, yes, and it made me wonder if it's even a bad thing if BW are actually confident, because then who cares if people say we're ugly? But then I started to see the cracks and I don't think the confidence is completely real. Based on friends I've had here and there over the past few years now, I'm seeing that a certain portion of the Black female population seems to have no idea if they are attractive or not. It seems that some attract guys who want sex often, but they don't attract "good guys" & they either adopt the ideology that ALL men are bad, but they think they're very attractive because those men still wanted them, or women who don't attract men and think it's only because they are BLACK, and nothing else. I have friends who do this, and I don't know what to say to them. I'm literally there with them trying to come up with excuses for why guys ignore them, and I feel horrible because I can *see* why, but then I feel shallow and horrible so I keep it inside.

Then I get to hear it again and again. Black women who even think being educated should have been enough to attract men, and they don't get why it didn't, or Black women who have so much pride in their hair while they are overweight or something, and they think men should love them because their hair is "pretty' and long or whatever. History has destroyed Black women's image of ourselves. Many search to Black men to TELL them they are pretty, and yes, men do definitely boost the confidence of women, but Black PEOPLE have never created an ideal for ourselves. We've never had the confidence to do it, sadly, so who knows what to emphasize as beautiful?

Personally, I think our beauty is in what we find shameful now. It's the hair, the dark skin, the features and everything. The "ugly" thing with BW is only the insecurity that makes many hide that and come across as guarded and closed in. The most beautiful Black female I've seen recently was a woman in a cute outfit, with a slim body with her hair out wild, natural and big. She smiled at me (genuinely, like she was just a happy person) when she walked by and I smiled back. She was obviously confident, and what kind of guy would look at a woman like that, who smiles at him randomly and thinks "ew!"?... trust me, few men would. Men like pretty women who make them feel appreciated. "Pretty" is usually just confidence and enough self respect to show the woman takes good care of herself. When more BW decide to bite the bullet and go out and be a little different than the norm and uncomfortable, then they will get the compliments, and that begins to build the confidence. It won't just happen out of nowhere. Stop expecting Black guys to understand what it's like to be a woman.

“Lovely soul”

Level 2

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#130 Apr 7, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
<quoted text>
It does bother me, yes, and it made me wonder if it's even a bad thing if BW are actually confident, because then who cares if people say we're ugly? But then I started to see the cracks and I don't think the confidence is completely real. Based on friends I've had here and there over the past few years now, I'm seeing that a certain portion of the Black female population seems to have no idea if they are attractive or not. It seems that some attract guys who want sex often, but they don't attract "good guys" & they either adopt the ideology that ALL men are bad, but they think they're very attractive because those men still wanted them, or women who don't attract men and think it's only because they are BLACK, and nothing else. I have friends who do this, and I don't know what to say to them. I'm literally there with them trying to come up with excuses for why guys ignore them, and I feel horrible because I can *see* why, but then I feel shallow and horrible so I keep it inside.
Then I get to hear it again and again. Black women who even think being educated should have been enough to attract men, and they don't get why it didn't, or Black women who have so much pride in their hair while they are overweight or something, and they think men should love them because their hair is "pretty' and long or whatever. History has destroyed Black women's image of ourselves. Many search to Black men to TELL them they are pretty, and yes, men do definitely boost the confidence of women, but Black PEOPLE have never created an ideal for ourselves. We've never had the confidence to do it, sadly, so who knows what to emphasize as beautiful?
Personally, I think our beauty is in what we find shameful now. It's the hair, the dark skin, the features and everything. The "ugly" thing with BW is only the insecurity that makes many hide that and come across as guarded and closed in. The most beautiful Black female I've seen recently was a woman in a cute outfit, with a slim body with her hair out wild, natural and big. She smiled at me (genuinely, like she was just a happy person) when she walked by and I smiled back. She was obviously confident, and what kind of guy would look at a woman like that, who smiles at him randomly and thinks "ew!"?... trust me, few men would. Men like pretty women who make them feel appreciated. "Pretty" is usually just confidence and enough self respect to show the woman takes good care of herself. When more BW decide to bite the bullet and go out and be a little different than the norm and uncomfortable, then they will get the compliments, and that begins to build the confidence. It won't just happen out of nowhere. Stop expecting Black guys to understand what it's like to be a woman.
So basically we have to go against the grain? And stop looking for compliments? That makes sense. Be genuine without being extra.

“Bow Chika Wow Wow”

Level 4

Since: Sep 12

Location hidden

#131 Apr 7, 2014
When I say, I can "see why" the guys aren't into them, I'm really not trying to sound shallow, but for instance, I have a friend who wears leggings with flip flops and the same grey sweater everyday. She wears glasses and pulls her hair back to a bun and wears no makeup, and never washes her face or uses moisturizer in the morning (I know because I asked). She's also slightly overweight too. So yeah. Then, she literally said one day, "Guys aren't attracted to Black girls" because guys didn't show attention to her (& she's heard that lie to add to her feelings), but that was how she had interpreted the lack of attention she received. It completely removed her own faults from the issue, or the idea that men just want a woman who doesn't already look like she let herself go before the thought dating or especially marriage/kids.

That kind of stuff actually offends me, tbh. Do not look like crap and then blame it on your race when people tell you that you look like crap. That's not Africa's fault.

Also, do not have a negative aura, outlook & attitude and then wonder why people don't like you, or assume it's only because you're a Black person. Some people just need to have more responsibility over their actions.

Since: May 12

Location hidden

#135 Apr 7, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
<quoted text>
No, in shape Black women have great bodies, and I've heard that from a lot of people. It's just that now obese black women overshadow that stereotypically (& literally lol). You're such a bitter person that i couldn't expect you to admit it anyway, but we all know it.
I think all races of women are becoming obese, it's not only a BW problem.

Level 2

Since: Mar 13

Location hidden

#136 Apr 7, 2014
Abdurratln wrote:
<quoted text>
They are too lazy to cook. And when they do cook, it is ALWAYS some dang chitterings, collard greens, and macaroni and cheese. Clearly that is not nutrious cooking. So they have to eat a lot of it to get the nutition their bodies require. Along with the nutition comes the fat which they do nbot need. There is a commercial in Saint Louis with this big ole really fat asss sister playing the role of housewife. I am like, wow!!! I would not touch that fat pig with a 10 foot pole. Besides, she would starve me for nutrtion and over feed me with fat and sugar.
Another thing that gets me. Go to a fast food resturaunt. They are ALWAYS surrounded and crowed with fat assss sisters.
I'm in St.Louis and I haven't seen that commercial yet! You're right, go to a fast food restaurant and you see fat pigs on both sides of the counter!

Level 8

Since: Aug 09

Saint Louis, MO

#138 Apr 7, 2014
TimeforHonesty wrote:
<quoted text>
I completely understand why so many are quick to defend BW due to the incessant negativity, but there is a difference between insults and constructive feedback, which the latter PinkPearl provides...just think about it everyone.
You are right on point. Thank you. Nobody hates sisters. But we want to see improvement in our community. And improvement begins with women.

Level 8

Since: Aug 09

Saint Louis, MO

#139 Apr 7, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
Truth is, I have traveled and I've known a lot of people, I've said this before. I'm also not stupid, that actually sounds hilarious coming from some on this site. I'm just not crazy enough to put a bandaid on a hemoragging wound. Many Black women DO have some issues, and just turning a blind eye to say we're all fine, just to temporarily fix the problem, does nothing in the long run. Stereotypes will continue, the biggest issue Black women have to face is that Black MEN are actually changing their stereotypes in the U.S, Black women are not. If nothing changes, then Black women would be the face of Black America and racism will be directed at mainly just us... or is that already happening? Ut oh...
So let's just deny it and take the easy route.
Women have more impact on children and future generations, especially among Africans. The problem most women do not understand and accept their roles and educators of children.

“Black Luv or Bust!”

Level 7

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#140 Apr 7, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
<quoted text>
Lol, I don't live in a ghetto. Please tell me, though, if I did live in a ghetto and based my knowledge on the ghetto Black girls around, then how is that a limited selection, when there ARE many Black ghettos in the U.S? Face it, ghetto girls are not an extreme minority in our group, you go to many majority Black cities and you can find some "ratchet" women while the majority of the Black females in those areas fit a few negative stereotypes each. Either more abrasive, or loud or overweight, etc.. if most Black women were so well put together, approachable, fun to be around and beautiful then we wouldn't have such negative stereotypes. We're like the second poorest demographic in America, with the highest obesity rates and most children born out of wedlock. You're right though, everything about us is Wonderful!! So many of us dress wonderfully, are very well educated and the most confident, happy women anyone could ever meet! AINT that the truth. Aint it?
Actually...no...I'm sorry but while there is much here in your post of value...no doubt!

I have to assert that if you really believe what you have typed about the stereotypes of bw...

(Which by the way...also asserts that all other women are the cream of the crop...with no issues to contend with!)

Then you don't truly understand white supremacy,racism and conditioning as it's pertains to American culture!

The stereotypes of bw were created by the very same group of men...that many irbw now seek to gain validation from...that was the purpose of creating them!

In reality...these stereotypes would exist no matter what bw look like,think,say and do!

Why?...because the whole purpose of them having been created was to malign and psychologically damage and control bw...

WHITE MEN HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO MAINTAIN THE SEXUAL CONTROL OF BW!

“Black Luv or Bust!”

Level 7

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#141 Apr 7, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
Truth is, I have traveled and I've known a lot of people, I've said this before. I'm also not stupid, that actually sounds hilarious coming from some on this site. I'm just not crazy enough to put a bandaid on a hemoragging wound. Many Black women DO have some issues, and just turning a blind eye to say we're all fine, just to temporarily fix the problem, does nothing in the long run. Stereotypes will continue, the biggest issue Black women have to face is that Black MEN are actually changing their stereotypes in the U.S, Black women are not. If nothing changes, then Black women would be the face of Black America and racism will be directed at mainly just us... or is that already happening? Ut oh...
So let's just deny it and take the easy route.
Okay!

“Black Luv or Bust!”

Level 7

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#142 Apr 7, 2014
Damn....what the hell just happened to my comment...sorry folks!

“Black Luv or Bust!”

Level 7

Since: Jul 11

Location hidden

#143 Apr 7, 2014
PinkPearl wrote:
When I say, I can "see why" the guys aren't into them, I'm really not trying to sound shallow, but for instance, I have a friend who wears leggings with flip flops and the same grey sweater everyday. She wears glasses and pulls her hair back to a bun and wears no makeup, and never washes her face or uses moisturizer in the morning (I know because I asked). She's also slightly overweight too. So yeah. Then, she literally said one day, "Guys aren't attracted to Black girls" because guys didn't show attention to her (& she's heard that lie to add to her feelings), but that was how she had interpreted the lack of attention she received. It completely removed her own faults from the issue, or the idea that men just want a woman who doesn't already look like she let herself go before the thought dating or especially marriage/kids.
That kind of stuff actually offends me, tbh. Do not look like crap and then blame it on your race when people tell you that you look like crap. That's not Africa's fault.
Also, do not have a negative aura, outlook & attitude and then wonder why people don't like you, or assume it's only because you're a Black person. Some people just need to have more responsibility over their actions.
Exactly......excellent comment!

And honesty, intelligence and understanding are obviously a huge turn on to any man who values these things!

*And to add to this brilliant comment....this also extends to beyond courting/dating...as men...we have to understand that a woman wants to be made to feel special,beautiful,valued and a major priority in our lives...we have to continue to "enjoy courting and romancing a lady"...it's all about the journey and experience...not just saying I have her now!

We have to understand that yes some others have greener grass...but it's greener because the owners work hard to keep it that way!

“Bow Chika Wow Wow”

Level 4

Since: Sep 12

Location hidden

#144 Apr 7, 2014
Moorspeaks wrote:
<quoted text>
Actually...no...I'm sorry but while there is much here in your post of value...no doubt!
I have to assert that if you really believe what you have typed about the stereotypes of bw...
(Which by the way...also asserts that all other women are the cream of the crop...with no issues to contend with!)
Then you don't truly understand white supremacy,racism and conditioning as it's pertains to American culture!
The stereotypes of bw were created by the very same group of men...that many irbw now seek to gain validation from...that was the purpose of creating them!
In reality...these stereotypes would exist no matter what bw look like,think,say and do!
Why?...because the whole purpose of them having been created was to malign and psychologically damage and control bw...
WHITE MEN HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO MAINTAIN THE SEXUAL CONTROL OF BW!
No, you're right and I get that too. I once read that during slavery the white men liked that black women often felt so bad about themselves (because duh, they were slaves!) that it made them easy to bed. I think Black women have caught on at this point in our history though, and many are hesitant and not really chasing White guys shamelessly. I think more Black women care about being admired by Black men, and wanting Black men to show more appreciation towards us.

It seems to me that White guys could say whatever nonsense they wanted & few Bw would care, if only Black women felt more appreciated by Black men.

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