This Conflict Between Black Women And...

This Conflict Between Black Women And Nerdy Black Men Need To Stop!

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Not Another Nerdy BM

United States

#1 Feb 24, 2011
I think the problem between nerdy black men and black women is quite simple. The way we end up interacting with each other almost always leaves both parties distant from each other. During high school years most nerdy black men are not found desirable. Most black women are interested in popular guys,jocks,bad boys,thugs, ect. Don't get me wrong there are black women who are into black nerds. I'm not one of those guys who say things like "ALL BLACK WOMEN WANT THUGS!" "EVERY SINGLE BLACK WOMEN ON EARTH WANTS THUGS!!!!" No no no. The truth however is something that many black women don't want to accept. Many black women like "Von" believe that there is a equal number of nerdy bm & bw. This is false. A lot of times the nerdy bm population is 5 times greater than the nerdy bw. Also just because a guy is nerdy doesn't mean he likes ugly/fat women. In a lot of cases you will have a handful of nerdy bw. half of them are fat/ugly and the other half (the attractive ones) are either into white men or jocks (of any race) Im not saying this out of jealousy I'm just stating a fact. You will have a few attractive nerdy bw who like nerdy bm and most of the time they are taken. We know how rare nerdy bw who like us are. So when we come across one we are quick to dive all over her. At the end of the day there are still a lot of nerdy bm left over who feel rejected by the masses of bw. Complaining about thugs and bad boys gets real old when you hit 20 so a lot of us simply give up on black women and go for women of other races. This is when we get attacked and accused of lusting after white women ect. The reality is that our chances of finding a women who is into nerdy bm increase when we date out because their numbers are greater. Im not saying all non-bw like us but the no# of them who do is larger than bw. That is something that bw cannot deny. It is also something they don't like to admit. Lots of times bw see nerdy bm on campus chasing non-bw and think its because they are brainwashed or something like that. The reality is that nerdy bm... not men period are not going to search the far corners of the earth to find a girlfriend. We are simply going to look at whats in front of us. lots of time nerdy bm go to college and our surrounded by non-bw who like us. At that point nerdy bm just say fuck it and date out. Bw complain about nerdy bm complaing about thugs and what not but I see a pattern. When nerdy bm are young they are clowned by bw for acting white,nerdy,corny, no game/swag ect. for soo long that They feel trying to find a bw to date is a waste of time. Sure nerdy bw who like us are out there but they are so small a minority That most me see it as finding a pen in a mohabi dessert. They bitch and complain up till they run into some non-bw who likes them and is attractive. Then they just date out from that point forward and when attacked they go off about how black women never wanted us, they only want us when they have oow kids,old,ugly, ect. Truth be told bw do a lot to drive nerdy bm away that I'm surprised they even care about us enough to complain when the bm leave. There are nerdy black women who like nerdy bm just not enough to go around. Because of this many nerdy bm feel rejected by bw and more desired by non bw simply because their no#s are greater. If black women WANT nerdy bm to want them then they need to get their numbers up. If they DON'T want us like that then they need to just be silent and let the nerds leave in peace. If bw don't want nerds on a large scale then stop bitching about who nerds date. Also Nerdy bm we should in turn stop bitching about bw liking thugs,jocks,bad boys, ect because even if its true it makes us look like babies. Just go for them women who you like regardless of race, live your life and keep it moving. Bw date who you want to date but do us all a favor and stop bitching about the men that YOU pick. We are adults and must take responsibility for the choices WE make in life.

Level 4

Since: Sep 09

Oured,Osea

#2 Feb 24, 2011
So true. My only gripe with black women that are nerd bashers is that they also tend to try and use nerdy black men as scapegoats for their misfortunes, insecurities, and dillemas they face as a result of being mistreated by bad boys, hence the term nerdblaming that I like to use. I was on Von's blog a year ago until she blocked me because I refuted her nonsense with logical facts and called her ass out on her hypocrisy.

You're right that the number of black male nerds outnumber the black female ones leaving very few of them for us to pick from as I told Von that since so many more BW ride the bandwagon to be those rollers, hoodrats and jockettes that you see in high school on campus, it leaves very few black women out there that these nerdy black men have something in common to choose from, hence the reason why they go for women of other races that are fairly abundant in nerdy qualities.
Bigfoot

Sherwood, AR

#3 Feb 24, 2011
I prefer Latinas to Black but Black over white.It's not black chicks that are the problem it's whites and jews. Black men and Women prefer each other over whites and this is what jews and Whites want to destroy. Look at AAAALLLLL the whites that pretend to be BLACK just so that they can bash Black girls and encourage us to date WHITE women & Men. It's just that Black females aren't intelligent enough to understand things. Yet, they know how to shake a leg.
Timothy

Virginia Beach, VA

#4 Feb 24, 2011
I've just read Von Conscious' blog on this issue. This is my first commentary on her words and on this issue in general:

I believe that she's half right. She is 100% correct that a woman shouldn't be forced to date or marry a man if that man has no connection with the women, the women isn't attracted to the man, and if there is no real romantic linkage. Some women don't like dudes with a supposed non-mainstream personality. She is in error to stereotype certain smart BM in a certain way. Most smart BM with ecceltic tastes aren't stalker or bitter against AA women. There are a minority like that. Also, black men who have ecceltic tastes shouldn't be disrespected or emotionally abused. Emotional abuse is wrong. Likewise, the smart BM should not expect every AA woman to fall from heaven and we attracted to you. Just because a woman is attracted to a certain BM, doesn't mean that the women is mean or acting vindictive. It just means that a woman has a right to have a preference in a relationship just like a man. Crossing the line is when a person disrespects a black man that's intelligence, with ecceltic tastes, etc. in an unfair way.

Now, I think a solution to this problem is a combination of dialogue and communication. I think regardless of what we are and what we look like, we are all black. Regardless of what we look like, we should be treated with dignity and respect. We have the right of self defense, self determination, and the right to fight for freedom. So, that's clear. We are all in this together. There are tons of AA women that like smart brothers. It's just some smart brothers are uptight and have a failure to actively be active in desiring a real relationship (instead of lusting for a dream woman that isn't there).

The dream woman doesn't exist, so a real man should be more confident in expressing an authentic connection with a female.
Jack The Ripper

Chicago, IL

#5 Feb 24, 2011
Nerdtician wrote:
So true. My only gripe with black women that are nerd bashers is that they also tend to try and use nerdy black men as scapegoats for their misfortunes, insecurities, and dillemas they face as a result of being mistreated by bad boys, hence the term nerdblaming that I like to use. I was on Von's blog a year ago until she blocked me because I refuted her nonsense with logical facts and called her ass out on her hypocrisy.
You're right that the number of black male nerds outnumber the black female ones leaving very few of them for us to pick from as I told Von that since so many more BW ride the bandwagon to be those rollers, hoodrats and jockettes that you see in high school on campus, it leaves very few black women out there that these nerdy black men have something in common to choose from, hence the reason why they go for women of other races that are fairly abundant in nerdy qualities.
I didn't touch on black womens "nerdblaming" but I am very well aware of it. Thats why I said if back women as a whole don't find nerds attractive then don't complain when you find out nerds don't want to date you. Black women have a history of dating everybody BUT a nerdy black guy then come to the nerdy black guy who they NEVER dated and try to blame us for all their problems at our feet. I simply suggest nerdy black men just ignore those women. They made their bed now let them lie in it.

“"Black guy at Princeton"”

Level 1

Since: Feb 11

Location hidden

#6 Feb 24, 2011
Everything in this thread is so true,I know from experience.

In high school, I took AP classes, wrote for the school newspaper, and didn't speak like I was a slave on a plantation. And most black women ignored me. A lot of them dated black men who were either knuckleheads or wannabe gangsters.

Now there were not a whole lot of black people in my school as it was; so it was troubling to see most of the attractive black women choosing bums.

There was a girl that I liked a lot, she was smart,pretty and reserved;much like my personality.
But, when I asked her out, she passed me up for a DRUG DEALER!! I was stunned.

But, there was a girl in one of my classes who helped me get over it. She told me that she had liked me for a while; she was white.

After that, I did date a lot of white and hispanic women because quite frankly, I felt more socially accepted.

I'm a sophomore in college now, so things are little bit different.

But, if some black women feel like they can't find a good african american spouse, then they should look in the mirror and re-think their values in a man.
Timothy

Virginia Beach, VA

#7 Feb 25, 2011
I do believe if you are a grown man especially, I wouldn't scapegoat women for nothing in my life.

There are non-black women that hate ecceltic interesting black men and I've known some of them. Just because some people may have mistreated you back in the day, doesn't mean that black women collectively are one way. In my life experience, I've met tons of black women that have treated me with dignity and respect. Also, I've seen white and Hispanic women act stuck up, arrogant, mean spirited, and down right disrespectful.

The answer to this problem is both respecting people legitimate preference for attractions and promote more respect among the black community. A black woman has the right to go out with who she wants (and a man too), but all black people should learn to respect each other even if some people aren't attracted to you.

You can still unite with a woman for black causes and black unity even if a woman isn't romantically attracted to you.

See, the problem among some BM is that some of us feel that we are entitled to a woman by birthright (and nothing else). We aren't entitled to dominate a woman. We give our respect and give our best foot forward to honor a woman. I would lay up with a non-BW to prove some point nor to seek vengeance (since some of those non-BW checking out low self esteem brothers see them as a charity case or a social pet not as an equal member of the human race).

For me, I'll still with Black Queens for a relationship. I don't agree with anyone whether male or female being disrespected or mistreated in life. Yet, as men, we will have to learn confidence building techniques to improve our own lives without throwing BW under the bus.
Timothy

Virginia Beach, VA

#8 Feb 25, 2011
I meant to say that:

. I would never lay up with a non-BW to prove some point nor to seek vengeance (since some of those non-BW checking out low self esteem brothers see them as a charity case or a social pet not as an equal member of the human race).

“Dynamite Diva!”

Level 1

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#9 Feb 25, 2011
Timothy wrote:
I do believe if you are a grown man especially, I wouldn't scapegoat women for nothing in my life.
There are non-black women that hate ecceltic interesting black men and I've known some of them. Just because some people may have mistreated you back in the day, doesn't mean that black women collectively are one way. In my life experience, I've met tons of black women that have treated me with dignity and respect. Also, I've seen white and Hispanic women act stuck up, arrogant, mean spirited, and down right disrespectful.
The answer to this problem is both respecting people legitimate preference for attractions and promote more respect among the black community. A black woman has the right to go out with who she wants (and a man too), but all black people should learn to respect each other even if some people aren't attracted to you.
You can still unite with a woman for black causes and black unity even if a woman isn't romantically attracted to you.
See, the problem among some BM is that some of us feel that we are entitled to a woman by birthright (and nothing else). We aren't entitled to dominate a woman. We give our respect and give our best foot forward to honor a woman. I would lay up with a non-BW to prove some point nor to seek vengeance (since some of those non-BW checking out low self esteem brothers see them as a charity case or a social pet not as an equal member of the human race).
For me, I'll still with Black Queens for a relationship. I don't agree with anyone whether male or female being disrespected or mistreated in life. Yet, as men, we will have to learn confidence building techniques to improve our own lives without throwing BW under the bus.
*claps* very well spoken Timothy.
People have preferences about who they find attractive and we have to admit to ourselves that not everyone will find us attractive just because we're a BM or a BW. It doesn't work like that.

Instead of bytching about how BW don't find nerds attractive- and by the way this is universal for ALL women. Women in general prefer strong, confident and assertive men, not antisocial nerds they have nothing in common with.
BM who struggle with attracting the sort of women they like should look to improving themselves to make themselves more compatible- working out, getting more hobbies and socialising more.
Timothy

Virginia Beach, VA

#10 Feb 25, 2011
kemi8 wrote:
<quoted text>
*claps* very well spoken Timothy.
People have preferences about who they find attractive and we have to admit to ourselves that not everyone will find us attractive just because we're a BM or a BW. It doesn't work like that.
Instead of bytching about how BW don't find nerds attractive- and by the way this is universal for ALL women. Women in general prefer strong, confident and assertive men, not antisocial nerds they have nothing in common with.
BM who struggle with attracting the sort of women they like should look to improving themselves to make themselves more compatible- working out, getting more hobbies and socialising more.
C/s

It's not that difficult to understand plainly speaking.

“"Black guy at Princeton"”

Level 1

Since: Feb 11

Location hidden

#11 Feb 25, 2011
kemi8 wrote:
<quoted text>
*claps* very well spoken Timothy.
People have preferences about who they find attractive and we have to admit to ourselves that not everyone will find us attractive just because we're a BM or a BW. It doesn't work like that.
Instead of bytching about how BW don't find nerds attractive- and by the way this is universal for ALL women. Women in general prefer strong, confident and assertive men, not antisocial nerds they have nothing in common with.
BM who struggle with attracting the sort of women they like should look to improving themselves to make themselves more compatible- working out, getting more hobbies and socialising more.
What do you consider nerdy? If it is being well-spoken, not knowing the latest dance moves or not having the best freestyle rap skills and taking school seriously. Then perhaps, it is I that shouldn't have to change. Not when there are other types of women who have found me attractive and therein lies the problem.

What black women find nerdy is different than what other races of women find nerdy. And blacks don't even use the term "nerd"; they accuse you of "acting white".

Does this mean that I have excluded black women all together from my dating life?

Absolutely not.

In fact there is a black girl in one of my classes that I would like to date.

However, at the same time, I don't want to hear whining about how there are no good and intelligent black men out there when they are being passed up left and right for losers.

“Dynamite Diva!”

Level 1

Since: Mar 10

Location hidden

#12 Feb 25, 2011
Retro 11 wrote:
<quoted text>
What do you consider nerdy? If it is being well-spoken, not knowing the latest dance moves or not having the best freestyle rap skills and taking school seriously. Then perhaps, it is I that shouldn't have to change. Not when there are other types of women who have found me attractive and therein lies the problem.
What black women find nerdy is different than what other races of women find nerdy. And blacks don't even use the term "nerd"; they accuse you of "acting white".
Does this mean that I have excluded black women all together from my dating life?
Absolutely not.
In fact there is a black girl in one of my classes that I would like to date.
However, at the same time, I don't want to hear whining about how there are no good and intelligent black men out there when they are being passed up left and right for losers.
To be honest, trivial stuff such as knowing dance moves, being able to rap etc is not top on my list of attractive qualities I look out for in a man. And for most well-adjusted, mature BW it isn't either.

But I'm not going to go for a guy who has zero social skills, is awkward, who stays at home all day playing on his Xbox and watching anime and doesn't have outside hobbies. Someone who is obviously perplexed by women and wouldn't have a clue about approaching a woman in a confident and assertive manner. Thats the plain honest truth. But it doesn't then automatically mean I go for jocks/ popular dudes. There has to be a halfway stage between being a nerd and being a thug. Thats what women want. A nice guy with confidence. Bingo.

Now i can't deny that the black community as a WHOLE (and not just black women) has a problem with accepting people that do not fit into the stereotypical way to behave. Otherwise you do get accused of acting white. Its a shame and this is an attitude that needs to change. But in the meantime if you can do simple things- working out, good hygiene, dress better, smile and act confident- this stuff will improve your chances enormously in the dating game.

Level 4

Since: Sep 09

Oured,Osea

#13 Feb 25, 2011
kemi8 wrote:
<quoted text>
BM who struggle with attracting the sort of women they like should look to improving themselves to make themselves more compatible- working out, getting more hobbies and socialising more.
The same can easily be said for BW too who need to do those things if they're looking to attractive quality and classy black men of substance as well.;):)

“Self reliance is key”

Level 1

Since: Apr 10

United States

#14 Feb 25, 2011
*Its going to fun watching all of the NERDS and control freaks and soially akward cry babies complain about how women ignore them LOL how pathetic.

*This is a shaming tatcic they always use.

“Fooyre na fooDa Demngal saa e ”

Since: Nov 10

Location hidden

#15 Feb 25, 2011
silly i am a black girl and i love nerds more then creepy thugs.

nerds are well gentle,smart,soft spoken,understanding,funny,cut e,nice,caring, they actually try to help you, and they spend time to come up with the sweetest thing, plus they respect girls which is cute.

thugs are,stupid,mean,sexist,vvhores , doesn`t like to listen,players,wants to break the rules,embarassing,and annoying,also very aggressive

well thats my definition of both

“Self reliance is key”

Level 1

Since: Apr 10

United States

#16 Feb 25, 2011
Where are all the cry babies who comaplain all the time about not getting a woman?

*I need to laugh.
Timothy

Virginia Beach, VA

#17 Feb 25, 2011
drugsaredumb wrote:
silly i am a black girl and i love nerds more then creepy thugs.
nerds are well gentle,smart,soft spoken,understanding,funny,cut e,nice,caring, they actually try to help you, and they spend time to come up with the sweetest thing, plus they respect girls which is cute.
thugs are,stupid,mean,sexist,vvhores , doesn`t like to listen,players,wants to break the rules,embarassing,and annoying,also very aggressive
well thats my definition of both
I think people just need to be attracted who they geninuely vibe with. Men love different type of women and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with that. I think these low confidence brothers need to realize that they are plenty of sisters that love them. It's just that these brothers needs to grow some manhood and express themselves in a socially strong fashion. If a real man wants something, a man should actively go out and be active in the right way to find romance. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to a confident person, an eccletic person, a very nice person, an extrovert, or any type of person. On the other hand, I reject the notion of a man dominating a woman like a dictator or a man using the tactic of shame to scapegoat females (in order to place a fake guilt complex on a female in order for a man to have romance. That is apart of reverse psychology or running game. Game recognize game). I think the bigger issues in life are about how are we going to fight against violence, diseases, and white supremacy. Long term, we have to fight for businesses, respect, more Black Unity, and moral development.
Not Another Nerdy BM

Chicago, IL

#18 Feb 25, 2011
Timothy wrote:
I do believe if you are a grown man especially, I wouldn't scapegoat women for nothing in my life.
There are non-black women that hate ecceltic interesting black men and I've known some of them. Just because some people may have mistreated you back in the day, doesn't mean that black women collectively are one way. In my life experience, I've met tons of black women that have treated me with dignity and respect. Also, I've seen white and Hispanic women act stuck up, arrogant, mean spirited, and down right disrespectful.
The answer to this problem is both respecting people legitimate preference for attractions and promote more respect among the black community. A black woman has the right to go out with who she wants (and a man too), but all black people should learn to respect each other even if some people aren't attracted to you.
You can still unite with a woman for black causes and black unity even if a woman isn't romantically attracted to you.
See, the problem among some BM is that some of us feel that we are entitled to a woman by birthright (and nothing else). We aren't entitled to dominate a woman. We give our respect and give our best foot forward to honor a woman. I would lay up with a non-BW to prove some point nor to seek vengeance (since some of those non-BW checking out low self esteem brothers see them as a charity case or a social pet not as an equal member of the human race).
For me, I'll still with Black Queens for a relationship. I don't agree with anyone whether male or female being disrespected or mistreated in life. Yet, as men, we will have to learn confidence building techniques to improve our own lives without throwing BW under the bus.
WTF are you talking about? I didn't throw black women under the bus in my post. Nerds are not dating non black women to get revenge. They are dating them because these women like them. I don't think that men are given women by birthright. I know that you have to work to get the women you want in life. Black women think that nerds hate black women and date non black women out of spite. Black women tell nerds that they have no social skills, their akward, ugly, boring, ect. These are valid complaints, but not all nerds fit that description. The point is that nerds are upset when they walk away from the women who didn't want to date them and decide to date non-black women who are more accepting they are attacked by black women and accused of being bitter or jealous. The reality is the men are just going for the women who find them more attractive. This isn't about throwing people under the bus.
Timothy

Virginia Beach, VA

#19 Feb 25, 2011
Not Another Nerdy BM wrote:
<quoted text>
WTF are you talking about? I didn't throw black women under the bus in my post. Nerds are not dating non black women to get revenge. They are dating them because these women like them. I don't think that men are given women by birthright. I know that you have to work to get the women you want in life. Black women think that nerds hate black women and date non black women out of spite. Black women tell nerds that they have no social skills, their akward, ugly, boring, ect. These are valid complaints, but not all nerds fit that description. The point is that nerds are upset when they walk away from the women who didn't want to date them and decide to date non-black women who are more accepting they are attacked by black women and accused of being bitter or jealous. The reality is the men are just going for the women who find them more attractive. This isn't about throwing people under the bus.
You're mad now.
Timothy

Virginia Beach, VA

#20 Feb 25, 2011
Not Another Nerdy BM wrote:
<quoted text>
WTF are you talking about? I didn't throw black women under the bus in my post. Nerds are not dating non black women to get revenge. They are dating them because these women like them. I don't think that men are given women by birthright. I know that you have to work to get the women you want in life. Black women think that nerds hate black women and date non black women out of spite. Black women tell nerds that they have no social skills, their akward, ugly, boring, ect. These are valid complaints, but not all nerds fit that description. The point is that nerds are upset when they walk away from the women who didn't want to date them and decide to date non-black women who are more accepting they are attacked by black women and accused of being bitter or jealous. The reality is the men are just going for the women who find them more attractive. This isn't about throwing people under the bus.
You're mad. You shouldn't be mad in a forum like this. It's not that deep.

I could respond to you in many ways. Here's one:

I'm talking about common sense. I never said that all people who are eccletic act one way. I said that some people like that use shame and psychological games in order to gain romance via pity. That's reality. Some brothers (not all) are dating non-black women for revenge. They even admit to this on the Net, so to deny this is living in a fantasy land. I didn't say all ecceltic brothers do this tactic. Using context is very warranted in this discussed. Most black women respect an intelligent, eccletic brother and they don't believe that most brothers like you hate black women. Many black women would go out with brothers like you. It's just that people like you sometimes target black women that are not attracted to you (and the black women who is really into you are ignored by some people in your position). Attacked by black women? Look at how you sound. Black women include my relatives and yours too. They haven't slandered me. Black women in the street treated with me respect all of the time. Just because there are a minority of disrespectful people in every race, doesn't mean people should overexaggerate incidents to prove some stereotypical point. You haven't met every black women in America, so how you make many sweeping judgments on sisters when you complain about sisters supposedly making generalizations about you?

No, brother, game recognizes game. If you want a sister, stand up like a man and talk to numerous sisters to gain some comptability. Just because a sister rejected you, doesn't mean you're worthless or you have some justification to jump into non-BM.

The point is that you should hang out with sisters that treat you with respect. All people are created equal, yet people should wish for a dream reality that doesn't exist. There is nothing wrong with you having unique tastes and so forth, but you can't expect all AA women to be attracted to you. You have to ally with sisters that you have similarities with. Some men go with non-BM because of low esteem and a sense of lusting after non-black skin. Let's keep it real.

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