Why Is It So Hard For Black Women to ...

Why Is It So Hard For Black Women to Find The Love They Deserve?

There are 120 comments on the Essence Magazine story from Apr 3, 2014, titled Why Is It So Hard For Black Women to Find The Love They Deserve?. In it, Essence Magazine reports that:

"There are no good men available!" "I can't take these guys seriously." "They don't want the same things that I do."

Join the discussion below, or Read more at Essence Magazine.

“Perfection is impossible”

Level 5

Since: May 13

But excellence is close enough

#67 Apr 6, 2014
It's not difficult for me.
Sunshine

Elizabeth, NJ

#68 Apr 6, 2014
Ivan from RUSSIA wrote:
<quoted text>
I prove that it's natural whites can become blacks and blacks can become whites that's how it actually happened in the past you were white an i was probably black
I mean if blacks lived in very cold areas it would eventually changed their skin and so did we
You are talking about a lot of nonsense. Blacks did live in cold climates and their skin didn't change to white. Just ask the Eskimo.
Ugh

Houston, TX

#70 Apr 6, 2014
It is genetically impossible for Black skin to change to White unless that person had the Albino genes. That is the only way they could turn White. Otherwise, it would take that One person to live for over 2,500 years in a colder region with the sun appearing only two or 3 times a year.

And that just to "lightened" a normal Black skin to a dark, brown skin.

As you can see there, it just genetically impossible.
LION

Huntersville, NC

#72 Apr 6, 2014
A lot of black women prefer thugs although they wont admit it. This is also a problem within the black community.

Level 8

Since: Aug 09

Saint Louis, MO

#74 Apr 6, 2014
Shalimarr wrote:
BW have fallen out of love with Black men. I think BM's high IR with women from other groups, has eroded the bond or "perceived" bond that BW felt with them.
Many BW don't feel that BM have their backs, they feel and see on forums, youtube, FB that BM have non-BW's backs and will tear a BW down if she utters words of dissent.
It's not that BW can't get BM, it's that BW don't trust BM to be see any more value in her, than other men raised in racist societies... and that's a very sad conclusion for BW to have come to and it makes them feel like there are no good BM.
There are good BM, just BM that BW don't feel will be good for them.
I disagree because your attitude is not based on historic or scientific fact. It in nothing but attitude.

The fact is 2 African men were enslaved in this country for every African woman. And of those sisters who were brought here, nearly all of them were kept as prostitutes ("concubines" ) for white men ONLY. That left the men without many women to choose from. But idiots like you have flipped the truth on its head to make it seem as if men have deserted you. That is a lie. You women have NEVER with down with brothers and you know it. I say this knowing that the tiny minority such as Harriet Tubman and Sojouner Truth and Mary Meacham and Priscilla Baltimore were down with the rest of us,. There were sisters who bought their own families out from slavery. But how many w4ere there? Not many. And nobody ever mentions those few who did do so. That is your failure. It takes someone like me, a man, to remind you of your proper roles in this community.

Level 8

Since: Aug 09

Saint Louis, MO

#75 Apr 6, 2014
River Rains wrote:
I've definitely fallen out of love with black men,I just feel indifference towards them.Even black men who are married to or dating black women run to the defense of white women these days.That is not sexy or appealing.
They just seem ashy and weak,even their r&b songs from the past don't seem authentic or evoke good feelings.Its like they wrote them with non bw in mind.
You, and women like you, have never been in love with us or with your own selves. You have never been anything but playthings for white boys.
Dee

Stoke-on-trent, UK

#76 Apr 6, 2014
Is this website a joke?
Blacks Are Worthless

Torrance, CA

#77 Apr 6, 2014
Only a lonely, confused, negroe female with cats would ask such a question, the answer is written in the sands of time, black women will never find what society keeps from them & that is true love, society lust after black females but love? Absolutely not, never, no way, the black female exist solely for the purpose of sex & part time companionship for men in between real relationships, harsh reality? Maybe, but it is what it is.

“Lovely soul”

Level 2

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#78 Apr 6, 2014
Blacks Are Worthless wrote:
Only a lonely, confused, negroe female with cats would ask such a question, the answer is written in the sands of time, black women will never find what society keeps from them & that is true love, society lust after black females but love? Absolutely not, never, no way, the black female exist solely for the purpose of sex & part time companionship for men in between real relationships, harsh reality? Maybe, but it is what it is.
Apparently not, there are many successful marriage at with bw & bm or be and non-bm. Why is it fair to lust after us "ugly shemales" but not love? What you said doesn't make sense compared to what others are saying.
liberals are losers

Vapi, India

#79 Apr 6, 2014
Tishauna wrote:
<quoted text>
Apparently not, there are many successful marriage at with bw & bm or be and non-bm. Why is it fair to lust after us "ugly shemales" but not love? What you said doesn't make sense compared to what others are saying.
Why are 70% of black women single? Also why are 50% of black men single? Which means the majority of you all are just single people walking around all day.

“Lovely soul”

Level 2

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#80 Apr 6, 2014
liberals are losers wrote:
<quoted text>Why are 70% of black women single? Also why are 50% of black men single? Which means the majority of you all are just single people walking around all day.
Well, I never said all bm and bw were married. And on another forum a Somali woman said she knows many successful black women who choose to be single. I think it's either because they are too busy to settle down, they haven't found "the one" or are maybe undersirable. Why is it such a problem that black women are single anyway?

Level 8

Since: Aug 09

Saint Louis, MO

#81 Apr 6, 2014
liberals are losers wrote:
<quoted text>Why are 70% of black women single? Also why are 50% of black men single? Which means the majority of you all are just single people walking around all day.
The "black" women I know are simply too stupid to think about not being single. They are irresponsible and want sex and "dating" without taking responsibility for it. And what you see is only the tip of the iceberg. I suspect that there are more abortions than live births in this community. I know for a certainty that most abortion clinics are located in the black community, not the white community.
Cigar Face21

Largo, FL

#82 Apr 6, 2014
Tishauna wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, I never said all bm and bw were married. And on another forum a Somali woman said she knows many successful black women who choose to be single. I think it's either because they are too busy to settle down, they haven't found "the one" or are maybe undersirable. Why is it such a problem that black women are single anyway?
Whitemen have the biggest obsession with us that its soo bad that these bi men would spend the whole day chasing us than be with their own wives. SMDH

“Lovely soul”

Level 2

Since: Aug 12

Location hidden

#83 Apr 6, 2014
Cigar Face21 wrote:
<quoted text>Whitemen have the biggest obsession with us that its soo bad that these bi men would spend the whole day chasing us than be with their own wives. SMDH
They want to be everywhere we are. Smh
WhatThe

Amsterdam, Netherlands

#84 Apr 6, 2014
???!!!

I'm a song writer and musician and have worked on the music of artists you would recognize. I can tell you that music, then as today, especially love ballads, were written to appeal to as broad an audience as practical. Stated another way, if an RnB ballad was made to appeal to a black audience, it would be written/produced to appeal to everyone in that audience and offend no one. Motown had a quality control process and this one of the things they checked. The only exception I can think of is 'Here My Dear' which Marvin Gaye wrote for his divorce from his wife which essentially told her to f*ck off since she cleaned him out financially (still can't believe Motown allowed him to release that). Producers today do the same or similar. If someone no longer appreciates the music they once did, that is due to some change within that listener, and has nothing to do with the music or who made it. This holds true for the music of today as well as the classics.
Cha wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow,...I've heard a lot of blackwomen say this; in reference to the classic R&B songs. Its as even though there is nothing for thee emotion of appeal anymore. Hey, that's powerful and now I see that it REALLY must with stands to be true.
My mate is Jamaican and we BOTH listen to old school Jamaican artist and music of course, along with classic R&B; but...I've heard A LOT of blackwomen express the very same thing in reference to BLACK MEN music; in reference to BLACK MALE artist; THEY DON'T EVEN DESIRE TO LISTEN TO THE MUSIC anymore. A while back blackwomen felt that the black man's music they felt apart of- that the music embraced them however, that feeling NO longer exit. Wow..powerful; however, sad. And I'm sure black men feel that same way about blackwomen artist and their music.
What's being said is not refering to bi-racial women and bi-racial male artist or other race artist; but FULL BLACK individuals males and perhapes females if black men are likewise feeling the same way.
Wow powerful; however sad. Wow,...now I guess they'll be a gender nonsense war on black men and blackwomen music- not being appealing to one another anylonger. So who will loose out on the 'cash money?' EVERYONE I guess.
Latino music, is a Romantic form of music towards the man and the women- the culture itself is- so their good; same African born people music as well as the same with (white people) country western music, asian, and middle eastern; and you know these men are NOT going to want black men biting off their shyte or swooning their women. This is deep./lol this is deep.

“Unions are still scum ”

Level 5

Since: Dec 07

Atlanta

#85 Apr 6, 2014
Shalimarr wrote:
BW have fallen out of love with Black men. I think BM's high IR with women from other groups, has eroded the bond or "perceived" bond that BW felt with them.
Many BW don't feel that BM have their backs, they feel and see on forums, youtube, FB that BM have non-BW's backs and will tear a BW down if she utters words of dissent.
It's not that BW can't get BM, it's that BW don't trust BM to be see any more value in her, than other men raised in racist societies... and that's a very sad conclusion for BW to have come to and it makes them feel like there are no good BM.
There are good BM, just BM that BW don't feel will be good for them.
That and the fact that so many black women have college degrees and black males have.....well mugshots. These woman are looking for someone responsible and serious, not some loser with no job and a suspended license.

“Bow Chika Wow Wow”

Level 4

Since: Sep 12

Location hidden

#86 Apr 7, 2014
I was flirted with by these two HOT Black guys today, so you depressing chicks can go somewhere else. lol. No, really, I'm serious, I've worried many years about the state of Black women and how horrible other women must've been feeling after study after study made us look so horrible. I've turned down men who made comments about dark/light skin tones (because I'm caramel colored and kind of light) because I felt bad for darker women, I've defended Black women to the point of always putting all of us before Black men in arguments about our community, I've *always* purposefully put myself along with the women who couldn't find good men and all of that stuff, but I can't do that anymore. I just can't.

Truthfully, I've always attracted good guys of many races, and I think it's because of the TYPE of person I am. Looks do matter, but I think guys also like a good soul. A girl who smiles a lot and is easy to talk to (& dressing well & exercising doesn't hurt). I look around at many Black women, and we need to do better. SO many are complaining 24/7 about men because they feel unloved, but what are YOU doing to push men away? Think about that. I was raised around wealthy White people, and THEY put waaaayyyyy more pressure on the women to look a certain way than Black men do. WAY MORE. In my hometown, White girls have to be very skinny, with big boobs (even if fake), a thin nose (or nose job), blonde hair and if they hit the genetic lottery, then blue eyes (YES, brown eyed girls were not even as loved as the blue eyed girls in my town). They tried very hard to fit that standard to the point of putting their lives in danger (plastic surgery!), or girls by middle school throwing up their food to be skinny, dieting constantly, their mothers taking them to dye their hair blonde around puberty when it started to naturally darken, etc... it's all crazy. I remember in 7th grade the BOYS used to throw their lunch trash at a red headed girl with curly hair, and that was how horrible being "ugly" was there. Just sick.

My point it, Black women don't get it in the same way, and yet, many hate the criticism we as a race get about being unattractive. Where is the pressure to look a certain way? Black men really do NOT ask for too much. There are GOOD Black guys out there, a lot of them. Some BW need to stop being victims and WAKE UP and learn to take the heat or yes, you'll continue to be pushed to the side. I'm just giving another perspective to take into consideration. I moved to LA county in my late teens and had NEVER been in a place where women could dress in sweats and have no makeup or WAY too much makeup so often and walk around like they're the hottest. It's a double edged sword though, White girls are very often insecure because the pressure on them to look a certain way is heavier, Black women have a different insecurity because the pressure is not as insane, but any criticism is taken hard because of the victim kind of ideology within the community.

But tbh, I know a lot of Black women who have problems with attracting men, and how do I tell these women that it's because they clearly do not put any effort into it? Nobody is entitled to men, in our world dating is like a gladiator ring, you have to train a little to survive.

“Bow Chika Wow Wow”

Level 4

Since: Sep 12

Location hidden

#87 Apr 7, 2014
MSO4 wrote:
<quoted text>That and the fact that so many black women have college degrees and black males have.....well mugshots. These woman are looking for someone responsible and serious, not some loser with no job and a suspended license.
I'm not dating a Black guy, but I went to college and graduated and I still live in a city near a University so my perspective may be insightful... idk.

Ok, yes, this issue is real, but not entirely how it's perceived (& this is going to sound extremely insulting so watch out!...), but inner city African American culture is not very desired in a mate. A college educated Black woman who is still culturally very African American may not attract a lot of men, and we see that now pretty easily. Those women outnumber inner city African American men who make it to college. THAT is the problem for them when it comes to dating. Not so "Black men aren't educated and Black women are!" type of thing. Black guys who are more assimilated and Black females who are more assimilated and "whitewashed" do just fine with dating, much of the time. It's culture, not race.
gonewiththepast

Mandeville, Jamaica

#88 Apr 7, 2014
i come to these treads just to use them a proof, as a imperialist member we have but a small group of enemies, first off our jewish counterparts are busy fucking the white race over (you will see our work when american's financial stock market commits suicide. but as minor elites our enemies are as follow's .black women, Christians, westernized races (whites blacks latinos and anything associated with the 3) but our main focus is christians, but me personally ,i hate black women ,its nothing to me because iv been attacked and abused by black women to the point where i reject and deem them demons, mostly because i think they are criminals and surely worthy of being killed ,i dont not like the sight of them, they make me sick , ghetto trashbag black whore tried to have me killed because i speak with people of high stature ,or is it because im not like other black males, we of the elite are not your average men, we know better than to associate with filth, black women and black men like them will never be like us, we are almost perfect in everyway and we do not have time for worthless sub-human beings like black women/criminals and christians, i wish they would just die off and make our work much easier.ILLUMINATi is everywhere and its not what you think it is, our leaders control your world, you live by our sword and you will die by it when we see it fit.
gonewiththepast

Mandeville, Jamaica

#89 Apr 7, 2014
those of you black men who think like us ,we call you to join the imperialist movement, and together we will rid the world of the black female and their disgusting wombs of sick vile hatred, them and their christian empire will fall like drops of piss from their masters mouth

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