Why Dont Men Approach Me?!?????????????

Why Dont Men Approach Me?!?????????????

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A Question

Duluth, GA

#1 Dec 9, 2007
I would just like to know why guys; dont even approach me? I posted this in the AA Forum...well becaue I am AA...lol. But anyways, I am pretty, shy and quiet(at first), very smart and talented; my father tells my that I have a 'princess vibe' about myself. But there is alot of other very beautiful black women who the guys swoop to;...whats so different about me?! And if you all must know yes; Im still a virgin, in college and still in my early 20s...And yes I do 'do it up'(make up, hair done, nails, outfit, exercise, go to the spa, my attitude is pleasant...and EVERYTHING) and I dont give off a vibe that I think Im ugly or anything...Is there something missing?! I asked many of the men in my family and they told me that it was because I dont want to f*ck anyone on the first night or at all...
Is that really true?! Do I really have to be loose to date/be approached by someone?! Please give me some advice...
thanks....:(
Michelle

Lake Saint Louis, MO

#2 Dec 9, 2007
..don't ask these people on this site, they will only critisize you..you are setting yourself up..

Level 1

Since: Apr 07

United States

#3 Dec 9, 2007
A Question wrote:
I would just like to know why guys; dont even approach me? I posted this in the AA Forum...well becaue I am AA...lol. But anyways, I am pretty, shy and quiet(at first), very smart and talented; my father tells my that I have a 'princess vibe' about myself. But there is alot of other very beautiful black women who the guys swoop to;...whats so different about me?! And if you all must know yes; Im still a virgin, in college and still in my early 20s...And yes I do 'do it up'(make up, hair done, nails, outfit, exercise, go to the spa, my attitude is pleasant...and EVERYTHING) and I dont give off a vibe that I think Im ugly or anything...Is there something missing?! I asked many of the men in my family and they told me that it was because I dont want to f*ck anyone on the first night or at all...
Is that really true?! Do I really have to be loose to date/be approached by someone?! Please give me some advice...
thanks....:(
Don't lower your standards! You don't have to have sex with a dude on the first date to keep him! In fact with the wrong types of men, that will have the inverse effect of your desired response! Tell that nicca to skate! Respect yourself and others will! Otherwise you will be like a lot of these women in these forums! Stop looking for someone, and at the right time he will come!
Sun Of The Beach

Bridgeport, CT

#4 Dec 9, 2007
I am not white and I am not Black. I am an Italian American Man. There is nothing wrong with you. Stick to your moral side. A man will come along who will worship you for what you have to offer. You are an African Queen. You are not a whore and a decent man would adore you as his wife and as a mother to his children. Youre not doing a thing wrong. You are surrounded by idiots.

Level 1

Since: Dec 07

Memphis, TN

#6 Dec 9, 2007
Sometimes guys just dont feel like approaching and thats all to it, doesnt have anything to do with you

“Jon B I'm still a fan”

Since: Jul 07

Virginia Beach, VA

#7 Dec 9, 2007
A Question wrote:
I would just like to know why guys; dont even approach me? I posted this in the AA Forum...well becaue I am AA...lol. But anyways, I am pretty, shy and quiet(at first), very smart and talented; my father tells my that I have a 'princess vibe' about myself. But there is alot of other very beautiful black women who the guys swoop to;...whats so different about me?! And if you all must know yes; Im still a virgin, in college and still in my early 20s...And yes I do 'do it up'(make up, hair done, nails, outfit, exercise, go to the spa, my attitude is pleasant...and EVERYTHING) and I dont give off a vibe that I think Im ugly or anything...Is there something missing?! I asked many of the men in my family and they told me that it was because I dont want to f*ck anyone on the first night or at all...
Is that really true?! Do I really have to be loose to date/be approached by someone?! Please give me some advice...
thanks....:(
I agree with Ashland.Stop looking so hard and they'll walk right in your life.Also don't try to change your personality to fit what you think someone wants.Just keep being yourself and keep an open mind.

“keep it fair across the board!”

Level 1

Since: Dec 06

Texas

#8 Dec 9, 2007
A Question wrote:
I would just like to know why guys; dont even approach me? I posted this in the AA Forum...well becaue I am AA...lol. But anyways, I am pretty, shy and quiet(at first), very smart and talented; my father tells my that I have a 'princess vibe' about myself. But there is alot of other very beautiful black women who the guys swoop to;...whats so different about me?! And if you all must know yes; Im still a virgin, in college and still in my early 20s...And yes I do 'do it up'(make up, hair done, nails, outfit, exercise, go to the spa, my attitude is pleasant...and EVERYTHING) and I dont give off a vibe that I think Im ugly or anything...Is there something missing?! I asked many of the men in my family and they told me that it was because I dont want to f*ck anyone on the first night or at all...
Is that really true?! Do I really have to be loose to date/be approached by someone?! Please give me some advice...
thanks....:(
Just wait the right guy will come along.... you have plenty of time... stay true to yourself...

“IT'S WOOZY”

Since: Oct 07

BRYAN\COLLEGE STATION

#9 Dec 9, 2007
A Question wrote:
I would just like to know why guys; dont even approach me? I posted this in the AA Forum...well becaue I am AA...lol. But anyways, I am pretty, shy and quiet(at first), very smart and talented; my father tells my that I have a 'princess vibe' about myself. But there is alot of other very beautiful black women who the guys swoop to;...whats so different about me?! And if you all must know yes; Im still a virgin, in college and still in my early 20s...And yes I do 'do it up'(make up, hair done, nails, outfit, exercise, go to the spa, my attitude is pleasant...and EVERYTHING) and I dont give off a vibe that I think Im ugly or anything...Is there something missing?! I asked many of the men in my family and they told me that it was because I dont want to f*ck anyone on the first night or at all...
Is that really true?! Do I really have to be loose to date/be approached by someone?! Please give me some advice...
thanks....:(
Men like damsels in distress....If you look like you got it all they feel you don't need them. Some men don't want to bang you on the first night...despite what the world says...some men think with the big head and not the extra small one. It's 2007 if you're that fabulous why don't you ask them out...some men assume you have a man and they don't want to risk being rejected. Just try that and then they will see that you're available...at least for a date.
BlackAmericanPri ncess

Dayton, OH

#13 Dec 9, 2007
Sweetie,
I don't know why you aren't being approached but you do NOT have to be loose to get approached!
I was a virgin all the way up until the end of my senior year, I was shy, quiet, and I was a prude and I still had NO problem getting approached. Matter of fact I got approached all the time. And I didn't have to degrade myself or lower my standards. Just so happened that my senior year of highschool I met my current bf(he approached me) and I've been with him since. Even today I still get approached by men and I'm very shy. I wear make-up, my nails down, I wear nice clothes, I'm covered up, and I always dress classy, NO issue whatsoever with AA men or other races of men approaching me...
So I'm NOT sure what the problem is. You say you are attractive? Well then I don't see why you aren't being approached. Attractive women get approached. I'm NOT saying that you aren't attractive. I'm just pointing out that ANY man regardless of his race will notice an attractive woman and say hi. Now this man may NOT be a "good" man but nontheless he will approach you. Men are visual creatures, when they see a pretty woman MOST will give her some sort of feedback that they are interested.
So if you are pretty/attractive and you do keep yourself together then you shouldn't have much of a problem getting approached by a man(regardless of his race). If you aren't attractive that could be it. If you seem mean, intimidating or like you aren't interested that could also be why men aren't approaching you. If you give off the wrong vibe...
But STILL I can't see why you aren't being approached.
I really don't know what to tell you, because it does seem odd. Just keep doing you. Don't settle. Don't "put-out", don't dress "loose" and keep your head up. Eventually someone will approach you. But I can't fathom what's going on.

“the king of his environment”

Level 3

Since: Oct 07

Washington, DC

#15 Dec 9, 2007
I used to be you. I felt that if I didn't have a man club me on the head and drag me away, that he was not interested. But that's not the case at all. I didn't realize that I got approached all the time in a subtle way. Many men will try to make eye contact first, or smile or flirt a little bit. If they get a positive reaction from you, then they will make the next move. Most of them are just as scared and shy as you are.

My best advice is to stop looking. You will turn around and bump into somebody. I haven't been single since I stopped looking for a man.

Level 1

Since: Dec 07

Memphis, TN

#17 Dec 10, 2007
Tsalagi wrote:
I used to be you. I felt that if I didn't have a man club me on the head and drag me away, that he was not interested. But that's not the case at all. I didn't realize that I got approached all the time in a subtle way. Many men will try to make eye contact first, or smile or flirt a little bit. If they get a positive reaction from you, then they will make the next move. Most of them are just as scared and shy as you are.
My best advice is to stop looking. You will turn around and bump into somebody. I haven't been single since I stopped looking for a man.
That is so true

Since: Nov 07

Brooklyn, NY

#18 Dec 10, 2007
Tsalagi wrote:
I used to be you. I felt that if I didn't have a man club me on the head and drag me away, that he was not interested. But that's not the case at all. I didn't realize that I got approached all the time in a subtle way. Many men will try to make eye contact first, or smile or flirt a little bit. If they get a positive reaction from you, then they will make the next move. Most of them are just as scared and shy as you are.
My best advice is to stop looking. You will turn around and bump into somebody. I haven't been single since I stopped looking for a man.
Absolutely.We want a sign, a smile, a welcoming gaze. Put yourself in our shoes.Would you want to be humiliated in public? Many of us are, so we wait for signs. Or we just speak to every good looking chic we see.

“Nesian-Power! ”

Since: Jun 07

BK

#19 Dec 10, 2007
A Question wrote:
I would just like to know why guys; dont even approach me? I posted this in the AA Forum...well becaue I am AA...lol. But anyways, I am pretty, shy and quiet(at first), very smart and talented; my father tells my that I have a 'princess vibe' about myself. But there is alot of other very beautiful black women who the guys swoop to;...whats so different about me?! And if you all must know yes; Im still a virgin, in college and still in my early 20s...And yes I do 'do it up'(make up, hair done, nails, outfit, exercise, go to the spa, my attitude is pleasant...and EVERYTHING) and I dont give off a vibe that I think Im ugly or anything...Is there something missing?! I asked many of the men in my family and they told me that it was because I dont want to f*ck anyone on the first night or at all...
Is that really true?! Do I really have to be loose to date/be approached by someone?! Please give me some advice...
thanks....:(
Do you have a pic? I would like to see what you look like? I think that you may have an "unapproachable" look about yourself. It could be that you carry yourself in a way that tells others that you are "taken", or have that look that says "I will diss you if you approach, or "untouchable", high class, etc. I have had that same thing my whole life. Girls would say that they did not say anything to me, because they thought I was already "taken", or that I looked stuck up and unapproachable, or they thought that I would only talk to a certain class of girls, which is not the case. I am very down to earth, but many people may mistake and confuse my reserved nature with arrogance, conceit, etc, which is not the case at all. It's not your fault. I think it works to your advantage sometimes, because then you don't get the weirdos harrassing you. You know what I mean?

I don't think there is anything you can do to change the way that you come off to other people. Just realize, if a person is really genuine and worth your time, he will approach. Maybe it's just the others just don't have the confidence that is needed to step to you.

Don't worry, the right guy with cojones will come along. Just prepare yourself.

“The heart sees whats invisible”

Since: Dec 07

Location hidden

#22 Dec 14, 2007
Also, guys sometimes think if your pretty your already taken or they might be intimidated by your beauty.

Since: Dec 07

Planet Irie

#23 Dec 14, 2007
Hey sista, it's true girls that sleep around get a bit more attention. But u don't want to go out like that!

Men probably don't approach u, because u scare the hell out of them. "Boys"! Remember what ur looking for in a man, has not developed in the average guy ur age. They see a women, but they have the mind of young men...u si mi?

If u carry urself the way u say u do...then u are golden, a young man knows what he can't afford. SO let them discount chicks get all the attention for now.

Stay u...in time u will get notice for who u are. Sooner then u think!
des

Newark, CA

#24 Oct 11, 2008
95% of men, in fact all men have to deal with "approach anxiety". Men sometime in our early lives we were venomously rejected by clueless girls. As we were young we have internalized that long lasting bad feeling associated with meeting girls. Most of us guys are fighting these feelings we took into adulthood.
If a guy is not approaching you, chances are it has more to do with his feelings and inexperiences than with you or what you look like.
Having said that you should groom yourself, you should smile and try and have some level of eye contact. You should have an open body posture and generally be a social person rather than look like a shy cat who run into a dark corner when you site people.
If you have a positive feeling about guys you will project that feeling outward.
Good luck.

LA_Texas

“If you dont like don't look!”

Level 1

Since: Sep 07

Canton, Texas

#25 Oct 11, 2008
des wrote:
95% of men, in fact all men have to deal with "approach anxiety". Men sometime in our early lives we were venomously rejected by clueless girls. As we were young we have internalized that long lasting bad feeling associated with meeting girls. Most of us guys are fighting these feelings we took into adulthood.
If a guy is not approaching you, chances are it has more to do with his feelings and inexperiences than with you or what you look like.
Having said that you should groom yourself, you should smile and try and have some level of eye contact. You should have an open body posture and generally be a social person rather than look like a shy cat who run into a dark corner when you site people.
If you have a positive feeling about guys you will project that feeling outward.
Good luck.
Most guys dont wanna admit it..but deep down inside they KNOW this is the truth!
Erica

Aurora, CO

#26 Sep 19, 2009
I Notice that I get approached more offten if Im not in a hurry. Its hard to give or recieve a compliment or phone number when your busy beeing around like a chicken with yourhead cut off.And men dont want to intrude if you look like your busy. If I relax when im at the grocery store, driving, at the club. Men pay attention to me. Not Very offten does this happen So I fell your pain. I've been told Im model quality by family friends boyfriends and older men. But men in there 20's dont approach me I've been told they are intimated or assume that i already had a boyfriend.

Level 6

Since: Jun 08

DC

#27 Sep 19, 2009
Erica wrote:
I Notice that I get approached more offten if Im not in a hurry. Its hard to give or recieve a compliment or phone number when your busy beeing around like a chicken with yourhead cut off.And men dont want to intrude if you look like your busy. If I relax when im at the grocery store, driving, at the club. Men pay attention to me. Not Very offten does this happen So I fell your pain. I've been told Im model quality by family friends boyfriends and older men. But men in there 20's dont approach me I've been told they are intimated or assume that i already had a boyfriend.
ha...intimidated my azz. What is there to be intimidated about. your just breast and b booty
Teresa Robinson

Omaha, NE

#28 Nov 7, 2009
I am AA woman and no guys really approach me either...People always tell me its because I carry myself with so much class that it has guys afraid of getting rejected or that im so serious that guys are afraid that i'd want to be in a serious relationhsip with them that they're too afraid of getting into..I've found out that all of these are true...For a moment i thought it was because i wasnt light skinned because im a dark skinned woman not mocha but between light skinned and dark. I thought i was the only one who wondered these factors.Thanks for posting this question!

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