How to keep my BLACK MAN happy
Mr Napz

Toronto, Canada

#135 Oct 18, 2013
Bridgette wrote:
<quoted text>
You raised good points. I still largely disagree.
The basic nature in which blacks choose to engage in relationship topics is very nauseating. Stating obvious things such as "I'm not getting with an ugly woman" or "Lose weight" is ignorant, crass, unintelligent and boring. One lady even posted that the key to a good relationship is having her man have his way with her. Ya know, just stupid and basic things. Why do bp have so many basic conversations?
It's not difficult to be with someone who moves you. If you respect the person, you aren't going to stop respecting them just because one day they don't have sex with you or some other silly stuff I've heard some post.
And I actually don't find it strange that bm and bw are having relationship issues. They've both publicly bashed each other to high hell. Made complete fools of themselves to the point where I'm surprised even one black couple still exists in the country at all. So, sad to say, I'm not surprised that bm/bw aren't together. I'd actually be shocked if they were. If blacks want to work as a community to restore what seems to be natural for everyone else, they need to start with respecting themselves and imposing boundaries (which they refuse to do so **shruggs**).
You're right that some of these responses are basic and just plain silly however this should point to our problem with our attitudes.

Answers like "she needs to stay in shape" or "she needs to be a dime" are what not in touch with what it really takes to make a relationship work. So, say they meet a woman who is in shape, she has their children and gets big...they are going to leave her and their family because "she isn't in shape anymore" ??? Sounds pretty ridiculous to me and in my opinion, shows a flaw in the thinking of some black men.

I'm not saying that people date who they are not attracted to but the problem I see with a lot of single black men and women today is that they have lost touch with the reality of what it takes to make a relationship work and that is why they are not marriage material. That is also why talks like these are necessary because these basic answers need to be called out for the shallowness that they are.

These people need to wake up. None of them are supermodels and if some are, they are not going to stay supermodels for ever. Life happens and if people don't have something more concrete to value about their partner other than looks and material goods, they had better prepare for a long single life or a loveless marriage for years to come.
Level 7

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#136 Oct 18, 2013
Blaq honey wrote:
There are tons of bm that hate bw and love Ww threads and vice versa. How about a thread for bm and bw only to discuss how we can make peace and please one another. Brothers tell me what I need to do to keep you happy. Looks wise, physical fitness wise and personality traits. Educational preferences to career preferences. What do you want from us?? How to please you so that you don't leave......
1. Don't view BM through a media induced "White or and other non black man Prism." You expectations of him should be organically derived, not based on what other cultures may or may not be doing.

2. Don't presume to know the contents of his mind and speak on his behalf and then treat your projections as if they are facts...it's very irritating.

3. Remember that relationships are paradigms designed to serve the needs of TWO PEOPLE, not just one.

4. Remember that his hopes, dreams and aspirations matters just as much as yours do.

5. Don't conceive or contrive expectations in your mind, not inform him of these expectations and then, get angry when he doesn't figure it out. Yes, we should be able to deduce certain things, but we don't read minds.

6. You don't have to be brilliant or interested in theoretical physics, but have an intellectual curiosity about the world you live in.

7. Remember that HOME is a place of emotional, spiritual and physical regeneration, so don't turn it into a war zone chasing him off to the local bar or his boys crib, because he's too weary to fight a two front war.

8. Whatever your physical composition is or was when you two got together maintain or improve on it. Men don't demand perfection, only that you make an effort.

9. Feed him, sex him, don't have a nervous breakdown if he wants silence and let the man enjoy his sports.

10. Relationships are not competitions but rather co-operatives and don't give your Momma, your girlfriend or anyone else a proxy vote in your relationship.

11. And lastly, if he loves you, periodically admitting fault has tremendous power. We don't mind the imbalance, but having to wear the black hat all the fcking time gets old quick.
Level 7

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#137 Oct 18, 2013
Oh...I one last very important one.

12. Don't burden him with your EVERY insecurity; leave him with some emotional energy to micromanage his own issues.

Level 3

Since: Apr 12

Location hidden

#138 Oct 18, 2013
Cogito2 wrote:
<quoted text>
1. Don't view BM through a media induced "White or and other non black man Prism." You expectations of him should be organically derived, not based on what other cultures may or may not be doing.
2. Don't presume to know the contents of his mind and speak on his behalf and then treat your projections as if they are facts...it's very irritating.
3. Remember that relationships are paradigms designed to serve the needs of TWO PEOPLE, not just one.
4. Remember that his hopes, dreams and aspirations matters just as much as yours do.
5. Don't conceive or contrive expectations in your mind, not inform him of these expectations and then, get angry when he doesn't figure it out. Yes, we should be able to deduce certain things, but we don't read minds.
6. You don't have to be brilliant or interested in theoretical physics, but have an intellectual curiosity about the world you live in.
7. Remember that HOME is a place of emotional, spiritual and physical regeneration, so don't turn it into a war zone chasing him off to the local bar or his boys crib, because he's too weary to fight a two front war.
8. Whatever your physical composition is or was when you two got together maintain or improve on it. Men don't demand perfection, only that you make an effort.
9. Feed him, sex him, don't have a nervous breakdown if he wants silence and let the man enjoy his sports.
10. Relationships are not competitions but rather co-operatives and don't give your Momma, your girlfriend or anyone else a proxy vote in your relationship.
11. And lastly, if he loves you, periodically admitting fault has tremendous power. We don't mind the imbalance, but having to wear the black hat all the fcking time gets old quick.
Wow! Great post.
Cigar Face

United States

#139 Oct 18, 2013
ugly monkeys wrote:
Well stay fat because they seem to like the fat unhealthy look. Bleach your skin, cook chicken all the time, and go to work so he can sit on the couch and be a lazy n ig
STFU SMH!
QBB

United States

#140 Oct 18, 2013
Very much on the money. Sounds to me like it means BE A LADY. Have some obvious class, manners, intelligence, and respectability in thoughts, words (what comes out of your mouth), and actions.

“Israel uses Jim Crow Terrorism”

Level 7

Since: Jan 08

Location hidden

#141 Oct 18, 2013
--AAA-- wrote:
I think women could be a tad bit less shallow...
Short brother agrees...
Level 2

Since: Oct 13

Location hidden

#142 Oct 18, 2013
Kola_Koca wrote:
<quoted text>
Most of those bw bashing boys wish they had a ww because they can't maintain successful relationships with the bw they choose so they blame all bw. A wise man once said you are who you attract. The ones speaking ill of horrible bw they have dated only shows the type of person THEY are not us bw as a group. But this thread is interesting for the few intelligent black men who have responded. Not all of them are irbm. I love hearing the advice of older men and women and the intellectuals of Topix ;)
Fair enough

I'm just not with the one sided shit especially with men like this but I respect your opinion

enjoy the thread

Since: Aug 13

New York, NY

#143 Oct 18, 2013
APV wrote:
<quoted text>I comprehend that appearances are very important to all men (not just BM) but I also realize that all women (including BW) focus on different parts then men do.

For example, men are initially attracted to body shape (including fullness of breast and butt) and then skin complexion and/or hair (not sure which of the two come first).

Since hair is easily changed, women will spend $$$$ to find the look that BM express their most desire for hence the snowball affects of weaves and wigs.

Some women will go to extremes like fake lashes (which I have yet to hear a man say is what attracts them) which over time will damage their real lashes if they do that often. Then the fake nails, which also will damage their natural ones.

For me personally, I would rather spend that money on designer bags, shoes and jewelry vs spending it on hair, lashes and names...but that's just me.

For my perspective, I'm fine with a man being physically attracted to me as I will admit I have to feel the same about him but after the attraction come intellect. If you're just good to look at but fail to keep my interest, intellectually, then you're just another pretty face...and I don't have patience for that.

Men maybe different, you may not care if your woman is smart as long as she's attractive and caters to you. That may explain why some BM will go to non-BW because that's all you seek. If that's the type of man you are then go and be happy with whomever you chose, because at the end of the day I want a strong, educated/intelligent BM who will teach my children the values of being proud to be black vs one who is prone to being "white-washed" for the sake of acceptance.

But again, that's just me...

;o)
Never mind. I was going somewhere but you took it elsewhere.

Since: Aug 13

New York, NY

#144 Oct 18, 2013
The Conscienceness21 wrote:
<quoted text>Never mind. I was going somewhere but you took it elsewhere.
Wrong comment.

“The man with the iron fists”

Since: Oct 13

Location hidden

#145 Oct 18, 2013
Blaq honey wrote:
There are tons of bm that hate bw and love Ww threads and vice versa. How about a thread for bm and bw only to discuss how we can make peace and please one another. Brothers tell me what I need to do to keep you happy. Looks wise, physical fitness wise and personality traits. Educational preferences to career preferences. What do you want from us?? How to please you so that you don't leave......
Looks: You are a natural beauty, an exotic. There is nothing wrong with natural hair and little to no make up. Embrace the things God gave you that set you apart from the rest.

Physical: You can be the body size of jennifer hudson before she lost all the weight and it will be fine.(i found her attractive anyway).

Personality: Sweet, humble and smart. A bm has it tough out there dealing with the job market, prejudices and hostility thrown at him from the world. Its good to know you have someone at home who can give you serenity and comfort.

Educational: Doesn't have to be colleged educated. She can go get a trade or aspire to be a stay at home mom for all i care.

How to keep your man: A bad attitude can always garauntee a break up. ALWAYS. Even if you excell in looks, education, etc. A positive spirit will always keep a good man.

The biggest issue men have women is attitude. Some men forego all the other traits just as long as a woman has a kind spirit. If you listen to bm you will hear the biggest complaint is negative attitudes.

This was a good thread made by the op. Hope things like this get made more often.

“New year New you”

Level 5

Since: Jan 12

alright alright.....

#146 Oct 18, 2013
Albert B wrote:
If you don't let me put it up your bootay, Eventually I'll end up cheating on you with a white or half white girl who's quick to get it in the butt.
Just being honest.
gay!

Level 5

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#147 Oct 19, 2013
This is how I keep my man happy.

1. I get home before he does from work, so I always have a nice healthy meal waiting for him.

2. Always ready to satisfy his needs.

3. Since he works in a demanding field (Engineering), I ensure that when he gets home, he gets de-stressed. The home should be a nice loving environment.

We are a team and we discuss everything! But he is the man of the house! He wears the pants. He always consults his life companion before making any big decisions. Our goal is to raise beautiful healthy children in marriage.

For him.... He does his job as a man! The hardest working guy I know next to my father lol. He is not like these little AA boys running wild with no morals. He was raised by his father to be the head of the house and to also have morals and compassion. An educated man with a big heart. Love him to death!

Level 5

Since: Dec 10

Location hidden

#148 Oct 19, 2013
BK Zeus wrote:
Another thing that I find Black Women in general have huge issues with is being submissive. Let the man be the man and the head of the house. Being submissive doesn't mean that you allow a man to walk all over you, but if you have a good man and he's looking out for your well being let him lead you. It's the way it was designed to be by the man up stairs.
We know there are lots of strong Black Women out there and that strength often times becomes the achelies heel of relationships because a lot of sistahs don't know how to turn over the reins and want to be combative with brothas and drive them away.
I have to agree with your post.

Too many women think just because its 2013, that it's okey to NOT do what they should be doing as women/girlfriends/wives. I'm educated and very independent. In fact, in my line of work as a project manager, I lead a team. But my man is the leader of the house. He is the king of the house and I'm his queen.

BUT the guy has to be doing his job as a man also. You cannot expect me to be all you want me to be, but then YOU are not doing what you are suppose to do as a man.

That is the catch!
QBB

United States

#149 Oct 19, 2013
Hannia wrote:
<quoted text>
I have to agree with your post.
Too many women think just because its 2013, that it's okey to NOT do what they should be doing as women/girlfriends/wives. I'm educated and very independent. In fact, in my line of work as a project manager, I lead a team. But my man is the leader of the house. He is the king of the house and I'm his queen.
BUT the guy has to be doing his job as a man also. You cannot expect me to be all you want me to be, but then YOU are not doing what you are suppose to do as a man.
That is the catch!
Thank you!
QBB

United States

#150 Oct 19, 2013
Hannia wrote:
This is how I keep my man happy.
1. I get home before he does from work, so I always have a nice healthy meal waiting for him.
2. Always ready to satisfy his needs.
3. Since he works in a demanding field (Engineering), I ensure that when he gets home, he gets de-stressed. The home should be a nice loving environment.
We are a team and we discuss everything! But he is the man of the house! He wears the pants. He always consults his life companion before making any big decisions. Our goal is to raise beautiful healthy children in marriage.
For him.... He does his job as a man! The hardest working guy I know next to my father lol. He is not like these little AA boys running wild with no morals. He was raised by his father to be the head of the house and to also have morals and compassion. An educated man with a big heart. Love him to death!
Thank you again!! You are both fortunate to have each other. Glad to hear it!
QBB

United States

#151 Oct 19, 2013
This is a good and needed thread. My only issue with it is that Blaq Honey has a horrible history of trashing BM. She and Capree and Sadbuttrue and all those others. They all, including and especially Blaq Honey did everything they could to bash a bw poster who said pretty much what you Hannia just said except she took it a step further and called for BW to admit to their mistakes and be better women. This particular poster was Helena. Hope she comes back. She never disrespected anybody but Blaq Honey called her names and really showed this women her ugliness. It was a sick kind of jealousy.

For Blaq Honey to come on here just days/weeks later from posting trash on other threads is a joke to me. Trying to sound like the woman she tried to drive away and put down.

But the topic is good and more like it are needed even if its coming from a Blaq Honey. Some honesty and genuine sincerity would also go a long way.

Hats off to you all you BW who are doing it right.
sanipat

United States

#152 Oct 19, 2013
Blaq honey wrote:
<quoted text> and what about your negative comments about black women that started our debate?? Don't dish it out if you can't handle it when it comes back to you. Do you honestly think you can talk all that shi about black women and get away with it? That's why no one takes you serious because you are a hypocrite. Look at yo self out azz siding with a white chick typical Uncle Tom behavior.
honestly black women actually started that gender bashing back many years ago. I think it was back around 1970s or some like that Im ain't sure but they especially started it in 1986 when all them black ladies got on tv and started talking all kinds of mess about how black men is no good, broke, and ugly that definitely started it right there. plus them same chicks had a tv show with they white boyfriends and was making fun of how black men will never be on the white men lvl and never will succeed at nothing in life, it was crazy back then. that was actually the biggest gender bashing moment ever between any race. why you think there so many older mixed people with black mothers these days? I can put it on my life that I very rarely notice any mixed people with black fathers, I know they out there but I haven't noticed them though. even my cousin have a mixed child by a white guy who left her. she suppose to be marrying this black dude now though.

“Repent and worship God”

Since: Jul 13

Location hidden

#153 Oct 19, 2013
Blaq honey wrote:
There are tons of bm that hate bw and love Ww threads and vice versa. How about a thread for bm and bw only to discuss how we can make peace and please one another. Brothers tell me what I need to do to keep you happy. Looks wise, physical fitness wise and personality traits. Educational preferences to career preferences. What do you want from us?? How to please you so that you don't leave......
Ma'am, don't concern yourself with others perception of you. Someone's perception of you may not be your reality.

Live righteously before God and you'll be fine.

“Repent and worship God”

Since: Jul 13

Location hidden

#154 Oct 19, 2013
Blacks Are Worthless wrote:
want your black boys to be happy? Keep that crack, malt liquor & menthol cigarettes coming, remove the employment section of that daily paper he wraps your little nog's in when you run out of Pampers, KFC too, don't forget that daily bucket, you know, stuff like that.
No more trite responses please

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