A Triple Naked Twister

A Triple Naked Twister

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A Triple Naked Twister

Picture posted by Just John on May 01 '09

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Just John

Lagrange, GA

#1 May 1, 2009
Unfortunately a week after my visit to McDowell I had to return north again for a funeral. I had a little time to kill so I decided I would take the grandkids to Camp Creek and show them the falls where their Pa use to skinny dip as a young feller.

Though at one time I was the most polished apple in the bushel, years and experience has tarnished and bruised the outer layer, and the pulp has turned to mush. I was wearing Dockers, a Tommy Hilfiger pull over, and on my feet were a pair of $150 Nike casual wear. It was obvious that I stood out like a $10 hooker on the cover of Vanity Fair. Most folks there were wearing jeans ,and those fishing were wearing hip waders.

We arrived at the falls and I was pointing out to the kids the rock from where I once performed the first triple twister by a naked person in the history of Mercer County. Local legends has it that sometimes at night campers can hear the screams of the feller who attempted a triple twister and came up ½ a twist short, thereby exposing vital parts to impact unsustainable by certain parts of the human anatomy. To this day I still believe that one reckless attempt was the primary factor for me not fathering children until I was 34.

One of the kids decided that she would like to have a closer look at the rock from which this incredible feat was attempted. As usual, in my life, there is always an obstacle. This time it was 30 ft. of cold, icy, mountain water. Finding myself caught between risking my health or pleasing the kids I gave in to their pleas for a closer look.

No sooner had I started to roll up my pant legs when a crowd started to gather. I think they could sense that some fool was up to something and they wanted to bear witness to it. With rolled up pant legs I grabbed one of the young’uns and hoisted her over my shoulder like a sack of fertilizer and plunged into the water. HOLY S--T!
Just John

Lagrange, GA

#2 May 1, 2009

As the chill hit my feet and legs I started to gasp like a terrorist during water boarding. By the third step I had lost all feeling in my feet and little did I suspect that there was a great big slippery rock lying in the path between me and the distant bank. By the time I encountered the rock I was already suffering from middle level hypothermia and was jerking like a 60’s Go Go dancer. When my left foot hit the rock it flew into the air like it was shot out of a cannon.

I could here the voices of those who had gathered out of curiosity. Someone remarked,“ Isn’t that the feller who attempted the triple twister?”

A lady screamed,“ My God, I think he is going to drown those kids.”

One guy said I was having a religious experience and had fallen under the influence of a super natural power. Another agreed, saying that I was exhibiting all the signs. Legs and arms flailing about, eyes rolled back in my head, and speaking in an unknown tongue. One guy contested that thought saying that his wife talked liked that most of the time. Especially when he came home after an all night drinking spree.

That though it may be, I reached the far bank and deposited the first kid. One down, two to go. The crowd was abuzz. A few were chanting,“ Go man, Go!” One guy was taking odds that I couldn’t complete the task.

I charged like a raging bull back to the other side to fetch another child. I was determined to finish the task. What did I have to lose? Any self respect I might have had had disappeared along with the feeling in my lower extremities.

Snatching up the second child I plunged right back into the icy water. Memories of the ill fated attempt at the triple twister were vivid in my mind. This time I wouldn’t be denied. For forty years I had lived with my failure to conquer the falls, I had suffered the agony of defeat and now it was my turn to feel the thrill of victory.
Just John

Lagrange, GA

#3 May 1, 2009

I deposited the third child, Turned to the crowd, and raised my arms in the air like a prize fighter who had just vanquished his foe. The crowd screamed,“ Yes, Yes.”,“ Do it, Do it.” Sensing my impending victory, the man taking bets had lowered his odds from 5/1 to 2/1.

Like a semi, without brakes, roaring down Fancy Gap, I streaked across the water. A lady, her hair in a bun and wearing a full length denim dress shouted,“ He’s walking on the water, It has to be Jesus.“ The man standing beside her quipped,“ He ain’t Jesus. Jesus has a beard.”

Reaching the shore I hoisted the third child upon my back. Fatigue was my enemy. My knees were knocking together like a woman with 44 double D’s running a marathon. My legs had turned blue in contrast to my brown casual shoes and tan Dockers. Back into the water I plunged to the chant of,“ Go city boy, Go!”

The shore was within sight and I lunged the last 10 ft. pushing my chest out like a sprinter crossing the finish line. Some say you could hear the roar of approval from the crowd as far away as Spanishburg.

The crowd started to disperse sensing that the moment had came to an end. I sat on a nearby boulder looking up at the rock ledge from which I had tasted defeat in my youth. Somehow it didn’t seem as large or daunting as it did when I was a 15 yr. old growing up in southern West Virginia.

Life and time have a way of making big challenges look smaller. It could be that the big picture gets smaller, or it could be that with time we get a wider field of vision. My wife asked me what underlying factor could possibly drive me to such nonsense.
Just John

Lagrange, GA

#4 May 1, 2009

I told her it was all a matter of opinion. Brent Basham, in his book, The Redneck Chronicles, said,“ What did it matter if I didn’t succeed, it wasn’t like I would be falling short of anyone’s expectations. Coming from a long line of rednecks didn’t set the highest standards for achievement if you know what I mean. But now I realize that other people’s opinions should never dictate a man’s fate. Or a woman’s either. What does matter, in fact the only thing that really matters is what you believe deep down in your soul.”

Deep in my soul there was an empty feeling that could only be filled by erasing that moment in the past when I had failed to accomplish my goal. Life lessons can only be learned by living. True happiness is living every day to the fullest. Conquering the unconquerable, climbing the unclimbable, defeating the undefeated.

I learned a lot that day. I shed a demon that I had carried for 42 years. I rediscovered the tranquility and beauty of a mountain stream meandering through the valleys, the importance of pleasing ones self, and that failures are usually the platform upon which success is built.

I believe, therefore I am. Never stop believing in yourself. Never let opinions of others alter your course, and most importantly, stay true to what you believe deep down in your soul. Dream it, Believe it, Do it!

Garner, NC

#5 May 2, 2009
Nice post. Tarheel.

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Welch Info

Welch, West Virginia is located in McDowell County. Zip codes in Welch, WV include 24801. The median home price in Welch is $12 which is roughly $12/per square foot. More Welch information.